Let's Do This: Motorhead Hill Climb in Japan

This is the dope shit: Motorhead Hill Climb on the Mazda Turnpike in Japan. 

I know what you're thinking* - drifting is lame, engine noise is loud, something something cars something loud. But you're wrong. Free your mind and embrace the joyful noise that is blowoff valves, straight cut gears, and unmuffled race exhaust. Superb. And that backing track is good too.

They drove a GT40 up that hill. The GT40 is glorious. The GT40 is an enormous fire-breathing dragon that is thinly disguised as a race car. The GT40 will straight throw your shit off a cliff.

@ 3:50 the guy drifting the corner at full throttle in fifth gear(!!) is a hero. Drifting is lame but that kind of commitment is beyond mortal ken.


* Not strictly true.

Shit, Actually

GJAW is on record as liking the movie Love, Actually.
My movie taste is... suspect.

Here is a superb alternative reading of the text from Jezebel. Highly recommended.

Neutral Milk Hotel - Holland, 1945

This song was in the news because Stephen Colbert played it at the end of his show last night.
It is great.

Word is he relates to the song lyrics. Per Maureen Dowd:

He had 10 older siblings. But after his father and the two brothers closest to him in age died in a plane crash when he was 10 and the older kids went off to college, he said, he was “pretty much left to himself, with a lot of books.”

He said he loved the “strange, sad poetry” of a song called “Holland 1945” by an indie band from Athens, Ga., called Neutral Milk Hotel and sent me the lyrics, which included this heartbreaking bit:

“But now we must pick up every piece

Of the life we used to love

Just to keep ourselves

At least enough to carry on. . . .

And here is the room where your brothers were born

Indentions in the sheets

Where their bodies once moved but don’t move anymore.”

//
See you out there.

Sony is Lame

Beaker and Dr. Honeydew - Holiday Photo

I'm always a little bit baffled when powerful, 'successful' people do something that is outrageously stupid, especially when it happens in tech. I work in tech (internet security, if you must know) and I don't want to burst any bubbles but it's not really as hard people sometimes make it out to be. A little common sense and  elbow grease and you can fumble your way through quite a lot. I have a job, which should be proof enough. Point is: just because someone is smart in one way does not mean they are smart in others, and that's painfully obvious with the Sony hack.

Sony is resetting the bar for stupidity at all levels of IT and executive assholery. You generally don't want your very personal work emails made public, even moreso when you work with famous people. Their network was hacked, sensitive information was stolen, passwords were stored in an UNENCRYPTED txt file or spreadsheet with the filename 'passwords.txt', emails were stolen as a result. As we say in the business, "are you fucking kidding me?"

Sony doubled down on their stupidity by canceling the release of a (reportedly shit) movie. For realz? Someone got into your email and made vague, grammatically incorrect threats of violence and you canceled a movie? As the cybersecurity expert points out, some guy killed twelve people and shot 70 more at a theater the night Dark Knight opened and they kept that in theaters. He shot 82 fucking people, killing 12. Movie stayed open.

Take it away, cybersecurity expert person:

This same group threatened yesterday 9/11-style incidents at any movie theatre that chose to show the movie. Here, we need to distinguish between threat and capability—the ability to steal gossipy emails from a not-so-great protected computer network is not the same thing as being able to carry out physical, 9/11-style attacks in 18,000 locations simultaneously. I can't believe I'm saying this. I can't believe I have to say this.

I can't either. But hey: people are dumb! How dumb are they? Man, so g-damn dumb. Check it:

Yeah, you don't want to be in the category of blame the victim, but Sony has had hacks before. It's ​been hacked dating back to 2005, and the executives inside of it are still emailing to each other like it's 1997 and it's the first time they've ever been on email.

Man, I hear you.

It's That Holiday Time of Year: Christmas Songs, Ranked (5 of them, anyway)

Holiday shit. Pretty short Christmas list this year. It looks like I'll be getting everyone new brakes for my high-performance German sports sedan. I already got you guys a new radio because the OEM version sucked major ass. You would think that was enough but: no. People I swear.

Stereo was expensive but what are you going to do? You guys don't want me to put some wack shit in the sweetmobile. I need fucking nav and a touchscreen up in that bitch. I can abide just about anything in a car except a shite stereo. One time expense, smiles per mile, etc, etc. Same with the brakes: they are a wear item and that's what happens when you buy a car with 80k miles on it. Good times. Don't thank me, friends and family. You're worth it.

Me and the holidays have an, umm, up and down history. (Now that I'm older I have cut out the binge drinking. That's a little thing I like to call maturity.) But I love me some Christmas music. Keep your presents, I'm rocking out with an egg nog. Favorite Christmas song? All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey. Is there a better Christmas song? I don't think so. Here's a short ranking:

1. All I Want for Christmas is You
2. Fairytale of New York - The Pogues and Kristy McColl
3. Happy Xmas (John Lennon)
4. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) - U2
5. Do They Know It's Christmas - Band Aid

Juuuuuust outside the top 5: Oh hey did you want a pop version of Angels We Have Heard on High? You're welcome. You want to hate but that melody has been killing in English for 150 years (the French version even longer). Resistance is futile.

Related: If Me First and the Gimme Gimmes recorded a Christmas record then I would pay good green American money for it and their versions of the classics would constitute my entire "best Christmas song" list, although Mariah would probably still be number one. 1994-era Mariah? Tough to beat.

Throwback Thursday (early): Our House by Madness

This is a classic: the beat, the lyrics, the melody, the awesome noise they get from the horn and string sections. I always thought that the strings were a synthesizer. Turn it up. 

Come Over to the Dark Side

DON'T GET COCKY, KID

Big Cheese is unmoved by the new Star Wars trailer. He feels that after three terrible movies (and making three decent movies terrible retroactively) we should reject the new IP coming from Disney. He says:
i totally disagree with Alex, he is a f'n idiot. If I get my heart broken and my childhood maimed MULTIPLE times repeatedly, with extreme prejudice and without exception; should I go back for more under the idiotic pretense that it will be different this time??? bloody unlikely, and anyone who chooses to do so is without question a train-wreck of a person. 

//
I think what AP is getting at is that he was moved by the trailer in spite of all the disappointment and low blows that constitute everything that George Lucas has done to the franchise since he put Return of the Jedi in the can in the 80's. Is that stupid? Possibly. But the heart wants what it wants, and for better or worse this mythology has a way of cutting through his adult-armor and speaking to a part of him that is otherwise deaf and unreachable. He felt some feels, and here we are.

I don't expect much from this new iteration, but at least whoever cut the trailer knows what is cool: the Falcon doing a barrel roll while the theme kicks in. THAT IS THE DOPE SHIT. Returning to Brian Philips because this essay is one of the best things I read in 2014:

Something I’ve noticed since I entered my mid-thirties is that no one ever looks the right age anymore. When I see friends I’ve known for years, they’re always a little older than I expect, a little different from the images I’m carrying around in my head. But when I see old pictures of them, pictures from the time when those mental images ought to originate, they look astoundingly, impossibly young. No one was ever as young as they look. They look like elves with goofy hair. So what am I picturing when I think of them? Something that never really existed, probably. Something both finished and unfinished, a story I’ve told myself. We tell ourselves stories to make time bearable. But the World Cup is over now, for all that it meant and all that it didn’t mean.

That's what these movies have become: they are now a story we told ourselves when we were young. Yeah Lucas did everything he could to fuck that up but he's a jackass now and forever. Let's enjoy it for what it is, without a larger commitment to all that it meant, and all that it didn't mean.

Soft Target

Circa 1980-ish

The Star Wars teaser trailer dropped last week, if you hadn't heard. And if you hadn't heard then you probably aren't connected to the internet and/or interested in popular culture.

Grantland had a good summary of reactions. I have mixed feelings about the new movie, not least because George Lucas delivered three steaming piles of shit and then contrived to update the older movies in ways that only benefited his already prodigious bank balance, but Alex Pappademas contributed something that I very much identified with. Take it away, Alex: 

Look: I was really comfortable dreading and/or not caring about this movie when it was first announced, and I fully expect to get back there again before next December. But the Falcon is the Falcon. That first barrel roll felt like this trailer just reached out and high-fived my inner 8-year-old. I am a sour, pretentious turd and I want so badly to be immune to this bullshit, and yet I can’t deny that I’m in. It turns out that my heart is like that thermal exhaust port on the Death Star — after all is said and done, it turns out to be kind of an easy target.

No Thanks I'd Rather Not

IF I DON'T LOOK AT YOU WILL YOU GO AWAY?

Sometimes you might not want to eat whatever it is someone is offering you. Just make a face and maybe they'll stop.

Lending is Giving

I am an international financier. Been on that jam since 2008(!!) and so far it's going well. Everyone I have loaned to has paid their loans back 100%. Which is kind of amazing but here we are. Kiva sent this video out to lenders and I'm posting it here because when I'm bloated with excess it feels nice to know that I'm not completely awful.

Arnold is Numero Uno

Is Weed Paleo?

 This is the very best.

The joint. The glass of white wine. The plate of meat in his lap. The shorts. The room full of people sitting elbow to elbow while Mr. Universe relaxes lengthwise on a couch. That shirt. That shirt, which, given the context of the above, is utterly and completely redundant.

Pure truth to power.

Throwback Thursday: Just a Friend by Biz Markie

Amazing old school jam. All-time classic right there.
That hook! Those lyrics! That chain!

DON'T GIMME THAT! DON'T EVEN GIMME THAT!

If you don't love this then you really need to reevaluate your life choices. All of them.

Just Chillin at Home

Yoga Mats Make Exellent Baby Mats - Who Knew?

This is my friend's kid. When her mom is looking after her she has bows in her hair and matchie matchie outfits and she looks super cute and put together. When her dad is watching her she looks like she stepped out of Mad Max. Guess which parent was running the show when I took this picture?

Cheesy

Dat Battery Tho!

Some people do not love cheese. I am not one of those people.

Sometimes a bro needs some cheese. I've had a (very hot) girl tell me she was  impressed when a guy had some gouda in the fridge. And that is not a gourmet cheese! Point is, some good cheese can really strengthen your game. So you need to pick that shit up.

Hot Jamz, All In A Row

Usually I post these one at a time but this time someone else did the heavy lifting. Thanks, internet.The EFIX jam is pretty good. I always liked the original version of that song and the cover is a nice update.

Throwback Jamz: Secondhand News by Fleetwood Mac

Another sad song that sounds happy. I love this song.

If your band is good enough that Stevie Nicks is singing backup at any point then you are crushing it.  It is inaccurate to say that Lindsay Buckingham is underrated: he is awesome, and his awesomeness is common knowledge. So: properly rated.

Lyrics:
I know there's nothing to say
Someone has taken my place
When times go bad
When times go rough
Won't you lay me down in tall grass
And let me do my stuff

I know I got nothin' on you
I know there's nothing to do
When times go bad
And you can't get enough
Won't you lay me down in the tall grass
And let me do my stuff

One thing I think you should know
I ain't gonna miss you when you go
Been down so long
I've been tossed around enough
Awh couldn't you just
Let me go down and do my stuff

I know you're hopin' to find
Someone who's gonna give you piece of mind
When times go bad
When times go rough
Won't you lay me down in the tall grass
And let me do my stuff

I'm just second hand news
I'm just second hand news
I'm just second hand news
I'm just second hand news
I'm just second hand news
I'm just second hand news
Yeah

Perfection is Hard to Find But You Know It When You See It

You Look Amazing

I laughed.

Cray Cray, plus: Gun Control

Crayfish are the Best

I wrote a long post about some personal stuff but when I re-read it I realized it didn't make for a very good read. I mean, it was well written (duh) but it served no purpose aside from boring ego-stroking. Here's the tl;dr: dating is :-/ 

Instead, let's talk about some stuff that makes Republicans flip out: gun control.

Took a CCW Permit class over the weekend. This is a state-mandated sixteen hour course you must complete if you want to get a CCW permit. There were 32 people in the class. Of those 32 I was the best shooter and it wasn't close, mainly because I was one of the only people that actually, you know, had spent some time shooting before. There was one other guy that had taken some training and could shoot, and two other guys that did not have training but could shoot well enough, although their draw and reloads were crap because they never practiced that stuff. Which: hey, you should practice that stuff. Everyone else was so raw and new that they had no idea what they were doing. To be clear: these people are applying for a permit to carry a gun in public spaces.

No one failed the qualification, although the guy next to me qualified only because some of his shots missed the paper at 15 yards. He was literally so bad that he was good.

The class was analogous to the time I got my Class M (motorcycle) driver's license. When I was done I was legally allowed to ride whatever motorcycle I wanted, anywhere I wanted. Based on the testing and qualification I was actually qualified to ride a motorcycle while supervised in a parking lot, during the daytime. Point is, it's too easy to get a motorcycle license, and the qualification for a CCW is too easy. The classroom education is fine - they do a good job with the legal ins and outs of carrying a gun, but if you can't keep the bullets in a 8" circle from THREE YARDS then you are not qualified to carry a gun. A minimum level of competence should be required. If you cannot meet the minimum level of competence then you need to practice more and/or get a gun that you can shoot.

Yeah it's great that the constitution protects your right to own a gun but the government already curtails your constitutional rights if you are a danger to yourself or others. Exercise your right to free speech but do not yell "FIRE" in a crowded theater. Same principle applies here. This is common sense. I am not infringing on any rights except your right to be an unprepared/unqualified asshat that carries a gun around in public. If that's gun control then I'm cool with it. You should be, too.

Liberals for Liberal Values: Thucydides and Sam Harris

The nation that makes a great distinction between its scholars and its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards, and its fighting done by fools.
--Thucydides

It's on wikipedia as:
The State that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools.

//
Sam Harris has been making public appearances and talking about liberals being for liberal values. What does that mean?

It means that if you are a liberal or a progressive or a 'do unto others' human being and you believe in things like equal rights for women, equal rights for LGBTQRSTUVWXZ*, education for all, preventing human trafficking and slavery, etc, etc then your views are not in alignment with traditional Islam. Get comfortable with that fact. 

The popular shorthand for Harris' position is that he is a racist. That is inaccurate. All he is doing is looking at Islam objectively. He says on his blog:

I genuinely believe that both Affleck and Kristof mean well. They are very worried about American xenophobia and the prospects of future military adventures. But they are confused about Islam. Like many secular liberals, they refuse to accept the abundant evidence that vast numbers of Muslims believe dangerous things about infidels, apostasy, blasphemy, jihad, and martyrdom. And they do not realize that these doctrines are about as controversial under Islam as the resurrection of Jesus is under Christianity.  

The litmus test for intellectual honesty on this point—which so many liberals fail—is to admit that one can draw a straight line from specific doctrines in Islam to the intolerance and violence we see in the Muslim world.

The problem seems to be that militant rejection of these core Islamic values sounds too neocon to the sensitive liberal ear. To which I respond: toughen up. When did liberals become a bunch of pussies?

People had to fight for liberal values for as long as there have been liberals. Do you think the battles between unions and strikebreakers were a big love in? People died by the hundreds and that was for workers rights IN THIS GODDAMN COUNTRY.

The good old US of A kicked the Nazis and Japanese in the dick because those fuckers were trying to put their boot on the neck of half the world. Liberal values right there. My grandfather was a die-hard borderline socialist and he would kick your ass like he did the Japs (his words) in 1941-45. He was a liberal before Reagan made that a dirty word and he was hard as nails.

Liberals fought for civil rights in the 50s, 60s and 70s and were beaten, tortured, and killed. Again, that was IN THIS GODDAMN COUNTRY. Those are your forbears. Stand up for your rights, and stand up for the rights of others. Be prepared to defend them, with force if necessary. Do it with pride.

If you want more information visit the source and get up to date.

*Spelling possibly incorrect. I support gender equality in principle but in practice I leave the details to others. I'm busy.

Sweet Pups: Ruby

Got to spend some quality time with the best pups around: Sweet Rubes. She's great pups. Obedient with a side of excessive energy, so she does funny dog stuff like jump around too much and get carried away and dig in the grass. She runs and bounces and she will kiss your face if you get down where she can reach it. I like to crouch down with dogs and give them hugs and kisses. All the hugs and kisses. Anyway, here's a photo of her getting ready to share some sugar. It gets no better. Love that girl.

Dear North Korea: Don't Ever Change

Clearing up the backlog with this.
Little Man Syndrome indeed.

Everything Old is New Again: Audi RS4

(Music unrelated except I love this song.)
I decided to move my savings from my bank account into my garage. (Read: I bought a used car.)

Some experiences you have infrequently. I have only gotten a new-to-me car a handful of times in my life. When it happens I tend to reflect on the other cars in my vehicle history. I'm a car guy: I follow when new models are released, learn their specs and prices, develop a relationship with them, some more than others. I can remember all of the cars I have owned, their idiosyncrasies, the girls I was dating when I bought the car and when I sold it, where I was living, etc. If they break down I feel betrayed. If they get a dent, ding or scratch I feel dented, dinged, or scratched.

You know those guys that can rock a cool vibe in a shitty car? Man those guys are cool.

I am not one of those guys.

When I was a late-teens teenager my first car was a beat up, piece of shit, sun-baked orange '59 VW Bug with a '69 engine. I fucking hated that car at first, although we did eventually reach a kind of detente. Kirk Sorrell loved that car and was a regular fixture in the copilot seat (his house being on the way to most places). He called it Orange Thunder and we drove that thing all over everywhere. Well, I drove. He was eating Taco Bell.

Orange Thunder drove me and my friend Joe to and from work every day one summer when I was in high school, and it had a funny gas pedal that let you squeeze some extra juice out of the feeble engine if you pushed it the right way. I put some cool stickers on it and my cousin gave me speaker box for the wayback* so I could rock out to sweet jamz (was into Midnight Oil back then, pretty sure I had a tape).

At one point the starter broke and if I went somewhere I'd have to either park on an incline and/or get someone to give me a push. One time I went to a girl's house to kick it. She was on cheer. Tall. She was a sophomore and I think her name was Amy Something. After we got done hanging out I had to say, heyyy, uhh, can you drive a stick? (Not a euphemism.) She was all, like, no. And I said, welll okay then can you gimme a push? So she did. 

Kind of hard to make that look good when you're in high school. Or ever. What're you gonna do? 

My mom drove a 1974 blue VW bug until I was 14, which was about 13 years longer than any person should have to drive one of those pieces of shit, although it was the 70's and there weren't a lot of good options back then. Plus she was broke. She rebuilt the engine herself at one point. I fucking hated that car too.

When I first got Orange Thunder my mom worked really hard to get it running and road ready. She insisted on seat belts, which were definitely not standard equipment in 1959 and had not been added in the subsequent 33 years. They wouldn't have saved me from getting my face bashed in during a crash but at least I wouldn't fly out of the vehicle. The car was actually sold to my mom by a guy from her work that wasn't using it and knew I needed wheels. He sold it to her for $50, and he only charged $50 because she insisted on paying something. Point is that it was a generous gift. I was not all pumped on it but I was excited to finally be able to drive my own car.

After I got my license we spent most of one Saturday bleeding the brakes and doing final prep for my big debut on the mean streets of San Jose. I remember distinctly that I got all dressed up in some 'cool' clothes (jean shorts are a real possibility, but I don't remember) to go for a drive. Nowhere in particular, just going to swing by and visit my friends. When I went out to the car to go for my drive my mom made a big fuss about it (as moms do), waving goodbye and saying have a good time. She had made an effort on the car and knew I was excited. A kids first drive on their own, in their own car, is a Milestone Event. On your way to becoming a man and all that.

When I got in the car I pushed the clutch in, prepped the brake and the brake pedal went all the way to the floor. I didn't even bother to turn the key. The brakes would have to be re-done, and our day was a waste. I was so bummed. Got out and walked back inside, deeply frustrated, fighting tears, and went to bed. On my way inside my mom asked what happened and I told her. She was heartbroken for me, and felt like she really let me down. As if she had not already stretched herself thin trying to get me on the road.

First world problems, sure, but at the time I felt bad for myself. On reflection I feel bad for my mom because she tried so hard and it didn't go as planned.

Eventually Orange Thunder ran well enough, and like I said: we had some times. I'm old now but whenever I get a new car a part of me remembers how I felt when I was 17 and that brake pedal went all the way to the floor. And then I miss Kirk. And I miss showing up at Joe's house just in time for dinner and spending time with him and his family. And I miss going to Taco Bell and drinking Dr. Pepper and wearing tortoiseshell Wayfarers. And I feel very lucky to drive a car that I like. Very lucky indeed.

Thanks for reading. See you out there.


* All old bugs have a wayback behind the back seat. It was an empty space where you could store shit. Or something. My mom called it the 'wayback', pronounced WAY-back.

Perfection

Put On Your Happy Face

This from a Friend of the Blog. I think it's probably my favorite costume of this year, and one of my all-time favorites, ever. The cats name is Spooky, btw.* She wears it well.

*Actually true.

SWEDEN WINS AGAIN

This from the Swedes. I loved it. It reminds me of the Onion article about a military computer game with "gripping realism" that consisted of mostly sitting around and waiting, followed by some shit duty, and then a lot more waiting. It took years to complete the game.

Also: 10 days between posts is 10 days too many. I'll get on that.
Been busy doing stuff and stuff.  And by "stuff" I mean "playing xbone", mostly. And working. A lot of that.
More later.

MacAskill Rides Again

This is an extended advertisement for Santa Cruz bikes and some other MacAskill sponsors but Danny MacAskill is a genius so we give him all the credit he deserves. Ignore the long lingering shots of the brands and marvel at the skill and commitment. Hit tip to Big Cheese. 

Smoove

Chet Faker - Gold from Hiro Murai on Vimeo.


Big Cheese comes through with a couple videos. First up is a music video that looks like it was shot in a couple long takes. And also it has roller skating. The music, enh, I don't love it. But the video and music go well together. Enjoy.

The People Have Spoken! (Responses to Comments)

Let's get to it...

Someone asks about the no good, very bad open carry moron:
blog success! I (someone who thinks all guns should be banned) even noted the cross draw failure here...knowledge obtained from this blog!
did you take that pic?
//
Nah I got that from the internet. No open carry where I live. We used to have open carry laws in CA but the open carry asshats exercised their rights to be asshats and people were like, why are those weirdos wearing guns at starbucks? And then they changed the laws. Good one, open carry idiots!

//
The other comments were generally positive. You found my fear funny. I would think it were more funny if it happened to someone else. Ugh that was horrible. 

And also you love kittens. For real I love kittens and cats too. I am thinking about getting a pet but it's too hard with work travel and my small apartment. But at some point, definitely. I miss having a pups or a cat that does funny dog or cat things. 

Thanks for reading. 

Pull it Together

Friend of the Blog Scotty McGenius sent this picture of his pups a few weeks ago but I didn't get a chance to post it. He says they go walking and sometimes her tongue hangs out. And then this happens. I laughed.

Bonus advertising for Bolter Construction. They do great work, btw.

Thanks for reading.

New Relationship

Pups found a new home. Be happy for him.

I Thought We Covered This: One and Only by Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Here's a little slice of pop confection that I thought I had posted on the blog already. File this one under "sad songs with happy music". That's my kind of jam.

I was pretty sure I posted it but in a sort-of-not-really-very-thorough search of the blog turned up no hits. Shame, that. Let's make this right immediately if not sooner.

Pretty good video considering the budget. Song has been out for a couple years but hey you know this was recently added to soundcloud? You do now. Enjoy.

Hot Jamz: Love Me Again by John Newman (Vijay & Sofia Zlatko, Anas.A Remix)

You may remember John Newman because he sang the vocal on this anthem. (Love that song.)

This other jam has been out for a while but I was really busy haven't been able to track it down. This is slightly less danceable, but more fun to sing along with. Get involved.

Free download too, if you're into that.

Bootleg Time! Dome Counts by Rico Puestel

Been a while since we had a straight up bootleg on the blog. This track has about 1400 listens in the month that it's been on Soundcloud so it's not getting much attention. There's a limited audience for superb Depeche Mode hooks from the 80s and a deep house beat. Whatever. We got it on repeat here at the office. I like that the producer clipped the (Dave?) 'IT'S A COMPETITIVE WORLD' part of the chorus and only kept the (Martin?) vocal. That's what I call an improvement.

No free download is a minor :/  You can listen for free if you have an internet connection, you just can't put it on your walkman ipod to go. 

Do You Like Cute Babies?

Look at the Baby LOOK AT HER SHE IS SO CUTE

Hey do you like pictures of cute babies with awesome hair? Well then this post is for YOU.

That's a couple babes right there. Friend Jeffy did pretty well for himself. On the other hand, Jeffy having a daughter is proof that karma is real and she is a bitch. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

An Idiot Being Idiotic

This Jackass Right Here

Gun rights are a divisive issue. Even within the gun community there are people that are so fucking dumb you can't believe it think you should be able to open carry everywhere you go. Like, fr'instance, your local Best Buy. (Open carry means that you can carry the gun out in the open, like a uniformed police officer, as opposed to concealed carry, which gives you a permit to carry a gun as long as it is - you guessed it - concealed.)

Any time those acid washed jeans ----->
aren't the worst thing in a photograph you know you have really pulled some bullshit. 

I have covered this subject before, when those pathetic losers took their combat rifles down to Chipotle to assert their gun rights. All it did was upset people. Come the fuck on.

The best part about open carry is how adamant the open carry crowd is about being able to do it. "It's my god given right and my constitutional right and open carry keeps the criminal element down and blah blah blah." Seriously if you want to give yourself the worst headache try listening to their bullshit for 2 minutes. I cannot handle it and I am very active in the shooting sports. Another red flag: when a group of die hard gun owners (like the concealed carry community) is looking at you like you're a fucking idiot then you're even more wrong than those horrid jeans.

So what else is awesome about this picture besides the jeans and carrying a gun in line at Best Buy? Well, if you're a gun enthusiast you may recognize the piece of shit Ruger SR in a Blackhawk Serpa holster set up for cross draw. That's lulz piled on lulz piled on lulz. The Ruger is one step up from useless junk but hey, if that's your thing then go crazy. You know who buys a Ruger handgun? The same type of person that buys a Serpa. Do you know who buys Serpas? People that shoot themselves. Those holsters are banned by most ranges. Don't be that person. Please. Get a real retention holster. And cross draw? Srsly?

The guy may have a medical issue or something that requires cross draw but how is he going to get his gun out of that Serpa holster? He probably has no idea. *sigh*

Sometimes exercising your right hurts your cause more than it helps.

Busy Things

Long time no talk. I have blog stuff piling up but I've been busy and stuff. By 'and stuff' I mean that I hurt my back at the gym and have been in no kind of mood for the blog. It was a bad several weeks. This past weekend was a low point. Crippling pain and limited mobility. Yuck.

I'm doing PT now and that is helping a little bit. Also I'm taking an extended break from the gym. That's probably helping too. Not that you care about any or all of this but hey when you get a blog you can write about what's bugging you. I could have written 10,000 words on being depressed but who wants to read that? About the same number of people that want to live it, amiright?

Work is good. I still have a job. Sometimes I travel. I'll keep you posted.

What are you looking at?

KITTEN I LOVE YOU

Kids these days, I swear.

Why are they looking at the dishwasher?

David vs. Goliath

This has been in my inbox for about 10 months. (I've been busy.) Hat tip to Big Cheese for the link.

Malcolm Gladwell revisits David vs. Goliath. Some people get down on Gladwell because he tends to oversimplify, and also that some of his positions are much disputed (the 10,000 hours thing, especially). The New Yorker has a diligent fact checking staff so his articles tend to be a better read than the books. Anyway: video.
Enjoy.

It's the Thought that Counts

Strong life lesson right there. The box with the writing on it really brings it home.

Cribbed this straight from Alligator Sunglasses. 

Throwback Thursday (late): Forever and Ever, Amen by Randy Travis

This song came out in 1987. Country song of the year, according to wikipedia. I tried to hate on it back then but secretly thought it was great. It was the only country song I liked until I heard Sonora Death Row by Robert Earl Keen (that song gets its own post).

Hadn't thought about this song since ~1988 but they played it in between sets at a country music show I went to this past week. For some reason (I'm old?) it sounded really good to me. So here we are.

Sloth

This was stuck in my Outbox for months. Silly iphone.

It's a drawing of a sloth.
No reason.

Nice Clothes, Lame Copy: Why I Won't Wear Triple Aught Design

Triple Aught Design is a company based in San Francisco that apparently makes some pretty cool gear. It is well designed, form follows function, low profile and (as far as I can tell) well made.

I refuse to wear it.

Their marketing copy reads like something out of a J. Peterman / Dynamic Pie Concepts wet dream. For example:

"Encountering a cold front mid-mission requires preemptive plans for being properly prepared and the right performance tools at your disposal to ensure success."

What the fuck? Maybe I'm cherry picking - let's try another one, this time for pants:

"This quick drying, packable, lightweight 100% nylon fabric ensures that you can move seamlessly through multiple environments, endure changing climates and easily transition to water-based missions."

Nope. Water-based missions? The fuck are you talking about? It goes on in this vein for most of their products. It's ridiculous, which is too bad because the clothes are right in my wheelhouse.

Thing is: I don't go on water-based missions or encounter cold fronts mid-mission. I just, you know, do shit. Often outside, usually with a firearm, sometimes in the rain or changing weather, and always in some type of multi-purpose clothing, a combination of Crye Precision / Arc'Teryx / Icebreaker.

People I know that actually do go on 'water-based' missions would never, ever talk like that about clothes. TAD is marketing to people that live in some kind of weird dot MIL fantasyland. It's not a mission - it's a trip to the grocery and I want to stay dry. Or it's a long hike and it might get cold on the way there or the way back.

I'm all for situational awareness and being prepared but when do you cross the line into being a complete and utter yahoo? I think it's right around the time you start reading that copy from TAD and believe that it is sexy instead of just overwrought and ridiculous.

Everything Old is New Again: Exile - Kiss You All Over (Starkiller Edit)

This is not the hottest slow jam - the edit could have omitted the mediocre chorus intro, as most of the mixes that incorporate this edit tend to do. No matter. There's a lot to like here: it keeps the 70's tempo of the original and makes it danceable, that guitar riff, and the big ending. Enjoy. 

When You Gaze Into the Abyss

A couple weeks ago I spent the night in San Diego for a conference. I stayed at the Hard Rock downtown. It was very well appointed, modern, and expensive. Kind of odd, 'edgy' interior though. To wit:

When looking for something I dropped I got down to look under the bed. Saw some legs and thought there was a dead body under there. I looked up towards the head and a person was looking back at me and I thought there was someone hiding under the bed and now I was going to have to kill them and/or run away or both.

Oops! Just kidding about the monster! The bed went all the way to the ground and for some completely unknown reason there was a 4" strip of reflective material around the bottom. WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY WOULD YOU PUT A MIRROR UNDER THE BED? FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK I ALMOST TRIED TO FIGHT THE MIRROR.

Go ahead and laugh at the video - someday you will see a monster and you will understand.

Love Generously

Sweet Pups is the Best Pups

We love all medium to large pups in this space. The smalls, well, they look like chew toys. Anyway, If you love your dog then they will love you generously in return. That's a good deal.

Give your pups a kiss for me.

Hot Jamz: Follow the Sun by Alex Cruz ft. Xavier Rudd (Bootleg)

This song has a catchy melody, pleasant vocal, and a harmonica. And bird noises. (Not sure if I like the bird noises). And: free download. You could ask for more but that would be unreasonable.

I got this jam in heavy rotation - it's good from start to finish. 

Too Good Not to Share: Here Kitty Kitty Kitty

Death's Glare

On the heels of that last post, here's a screen cap from video of a leopard that got loose when they were trying to relocate it from a village in India. I love it. But it is also my nightmare.

That is a Leopard, and It Has Come to Destroy

A woman in rural India battled a leopard in a brutal fight to the death. That's a leopard in the video above. She had a sickle, but my money would have been on the leopard. That is fucking intense. In related news my alarm went off super early yesterday and man, that sucked. So I know the feeling. Kind of.

For real, how does that happen? These attacks happen more often than we realize but this woman was a little bit lucky and a whole lot of tough. Tough really isn't the word; I don't know what word to use.

Some backstory: I learned a lot when I volunteered at the local animal shelter. One of the things I learned is "volunteering at the local animal shelter sucks" and also "animal shelter volunteers tend to be crazy animal rights weirdos". But the story I tell most often is to try and get people to guess what the most dangerous animal at the shelter was. We had shelter animals, rescues, and also any random animals picked up by animal control: snakes, turtles, dogs, cats, pigs, a goat, caiman, ducks, rabbits (so many goddamn rabbits), etc. No big cats or bears but just about everything else. 

What's your guess? Was the most scary animal the fighting pit bull? Or was it the rattlensakes? Hint: it was distantly related to that leopard. The animal that made everyone uncomfortable, and the animal that they would most often kill instead of release for adoption, was feral cats. They were unadobptable. Bigger than your average house cat and 100x more pissed, they were more consistently savage and vicious than any other animal. Even the most savage pit bull would settle down after a while. Not the feral cats. They are terrifying bundles of hate. People would gear up like they were going to do some ARC welding to handle cats, including the helmet and mask and everything. So when I imagine what that looks like in a cat that weighs 10x as much it frankly freaks me the fuck out. So, yeah: leopards. I prefer to appreciate them from a safe distance, like "via the internet".

Evolution

He was probably excited after spending all that time with the boys.

No idea how true this is but it's too good to pass up.

Pool Time!

Hitting the private cabana at the pool with a babe used to look a lot different. Thanks to Friend Jeff for providing the babe (his daughter) and snapping a photo of the meatball in the hat.

I told my friend, "Hanging out in your cabana was just like Vegas - some underage girl (pictured) drank too much and threw up."

It's on the Tip of my Tongue

Inspired by a recent column on the Guardian: Is there a word for when you feel like you've lost something important to you and don't know how to get it back?

I mean besides "life". 

Get Lost to Get Found: A Field Guide to Getting Lost

A friend sent this because we were talking about making plans (or, more accurately, not making them). I've written more than one essay about plans on this space and thought the quotes were interesting. The block quite is from a book by Rebecca Solnit, and the pull quote is Maria Popova from the surprisingly good Brain Pickings.

//
But unlike the dark sea, which obscures the depths of what is, of what could be seen in the present moment, the unknown spills into the unforeseen. Solnit turns to Edgar Allan Poe, who argued that “in matters of philosophical discovery … it is the unforeseen upon which we must calculate most largely,” and considers the deliberate juxtaposition of the rational, methodical act of calculation with the ineffable, intangible nature of the unforeseen:

How do you calculate upon the unforeseen? It seems to be an art of recognizing the role of the unforeseen, of keeping your balance amid surprises, of collaborating with chance, of recognizing that there are some essential mysteries in the world and thereby a limit to calculation, to plan, to control. To calculate on the unforeseen is perhaps exactly the paradoxical operation that life most requires of us.

 //

Kind of dense but it can't all be puppies and babies and babies and puppies around here.

Space Ghost = Winning

I used to watch Space Ghost religiously, even though it was on at a weird time and it was completely insane. The guests and dialog were crazy. It was Between Two Ferns years before that was a thing. Anyway, Space Ghost was fantastic, in part because of dialog like this.

Continuing Education: Science of Happiness

My cousin Bill sent me this (timely) free online course from Cal on the Science of Happiness.

Check it:
“The Science of Happiness” is a free, eight-week online course that explores the roots of a happy and meaningful life. Students will engage with some of the most provocative and practical lessons from this science, discovering how cutting-edge research can be applied to their own lives.

//
I don't know what to expect but I can find two hours a week - maybe play less xbone? - and learning how to live a happier life is definitely a Thing I need to Learn and Practice.

Let's do this. See you in class. 

Backlog: C is for Cookie (Pasta)

Pasta Cookies are Best Cookies

This is old but great. Hat tip to Ruby's Dad for this one.

PUPPYTIME

Ruby, getting up close with the camera with some funny whiskers.

Give that girl some hugs and kisses already.

Old School: 1967 911S Flogged Around Laguna Seca by Pat Long

I have two uncles, one I talk to fairly often and another that I don't communicate with all that much. The latter had ambitions of being a race car driver after he got out of the service. It didn't happen (he became a journalist, and wrote about cars instead). I sent him the above video because it was his era of car driving and this was his response:

Thanks... When I think of Laguna, I still think of the old course, before they added that stuff in the infield. One time at a BMW press day I went out in a 5 Series and took about 10 laps--can't remember my lap time, but it was decent. I was sure the car didn't have more than half a second or so left in it.

 David Hobbs raced for BMW in the IMSA series, and he was giving demo rides. I handed him the key and got into the passenger seat. On his second lap, he went four seconds quicker than my best time, driving with one hand, pointing out the apexes and telling a story about a hot blonde TV producer who was filming a commercial. That's when I realized I wasn't going to be a racing driver....

PUPPY

Blog got kind of heavy for a minute - how about a picture of a super cute puppy? Ruby, get in here! How can you not want to kiss that girl?

Still haven't met this girl in person. Next time I'm in the bay area it is happening. Can't wait.

Sloth in Motion

Oh hey did Mozilla post a GIF of a sloth? Yes. Yes they did.

White People Problems: Yoga Idiots

Long-time readers know that I attend yoga classes on a semi-regular basis. It's good for you, it's a social outlet, it is humbling, personal growth, hot girls in yoga pants, blah blah blah. For the most part I am insulated from the yoga yahoo extreme but every now and then I am exposed to it. There's only so much inward focus you can do in a crowded class. It makes me want to put these people on a vegetarian/vegan, gluten free, quinoa-based, environmentally friendly rocket and launch them into the sun.


Scene: end of yoga class, rolling up my mat. Conversation (overheard): 
Girl 1: Oh my gosh you have so much going on right now!
Girl 2: Oh my gosh I know - I'm sooooo busy.
Girl 1: I saw that you're going to culinary school.
 //Ed: An odd choice for someone who is creepy skinny. 

Girl 2: Yeah it's sooo great. It's vegetarian/vegan and it has been so GOOD for me
 //Ed: Visual evidence suggests otherwise.

Girl 1: And you know /name/, because they're active in the animal rights movement!
Girl 2: Yeah! That is soooo great that you do that too.
Girl 1: Thank you so much - we are planning an event at the pier tomorrow. Did you know they kill all those fish? We have t-shirts and we're going to make it really friendly and approachable.

//Ed: :: blurgh :: Hey did anything happen last week aside from the brutal murder of some bait fish on the pier? Like, did a man get gunned down in the street or anything? Police sweep in and violate anyone's constitutional right to assemble, all in the name of law and 'order'? Ring any bells? No? Oh. Carry on with your crusade for the rights of the anchovy.

I'm sure your "approachable" protest is going to make a huge impact with the fisherman. BTW, do you speak Spanish and/or Vietnamese? No? Oh. Maybe not so much.

:: Exeunt all ::

/////////
It's so nice that I live in a place where people can go to vegetarian/vegan culinary school (Example recipe: wash organic broccoli, eat, enjoy(?)) and also not worry about my neighborhood getting occupied by the local clown school police force. Black people in Ferguson need to worry about dying in those streets. White people in Costa Mesa got problems too: people are killing fish on the pier!

Enjoy your week. I'm eating lamb for dinner. It helps remind me not to be a sheep.

The NFL is the Worst: Turn Down for What-the-Fuck-Ever

There's been a lot of digital ink spilled over the two game suspension Ray Rice got for knocking his fiancee unconscious in an elevator during an altercation.

I don't watch football any more because I do not feel like supporting an organization that suspends a player for two games for punching his wife in the face and four games for taking MDMA when on vacation. Also unacceptable: suspending players for 5 games for trading on the value of their image or likeness when they were in college and still 'amateurs'.

The message is clear: Punching your wife? Not good. Doing relatively harmless recreational drugs in your off hours? Bad. Disobeying the archaic, absurd, hypocritical rules in the NFL's minor leagues the NCAA by trading your jersey for tattoos?  Very bad. In other words: Beat your wife at your discretion, but don't you dare affect the NCAA / NFL revenue stream. Some things are inviolate.

As an aside, what do you think is at longer-term health risk: a severe concussion or eating some molly? Asking for a friend.

Dancefloor Destroyers: I Want You Back by Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5

Haven't posted any music here for a while. Weird, because I listen to music almost every waking moment. Busy, you know?

Anyway, here's a certified multi-generational Dancefloor Destroyer from 1969. That hook! That vocal! That bassline! That chorus! I love this song.

Thanks for reading. 

I Need One of These*

So Cute I Can't Stand It, from SPACE

As reported about six weeks ago, here's the spacesuit-themed onesie I got Baby Samantha when I was visiting the American Museum of Natural History back in June. She didn't fit it first but she's ready to barf all over it now. Good times!

I said it before, but: If those things came in adult sizes then we could be matchies. I love the spacesuit onesie. A lot.





* I mean the onesie. What did you think I meant?

The Things They Carried: 1066 to 2014

Photo essay of soldier's kit inventory (aka "battle rattle") from 1066 to modern times, from the Telegraph. Interesting, if you're into that sort of thing.

That's a hell of a lof of crap to haul around. The modern gear is very sophisticated but what amazes me is that the loadout from 1588(!!) maps very well to the loadout from 2014. Firearm and related accessories, backup to the firearm, clothes, and food kit. (The 2014 loadout is from a Sapper, or EOD guy, and most of his gear is unique to his role.)

I've Been Away

I was out of town for a week of training in the middle of Long Island, NY. I say 'the middle' because Long Island has desirable real estate at both ends: NYC on end, and the Hamptons on the other. So the property in the middle of the "island" is... less desirable. It's the part you drive through. Or fly over, if you're private-helicopter rich. Think of it as the Long Island equivalent of the flyover states.

In celebration of my return here's another old picture of David Letterman in a sweet ass UCSB shirt. I would actually pay for one of those. And wear it.

Lots to catch up on so I'll get to it as time allows.

Ruby in Motion

Just when you thought things couldn't get any cuter over here, we raised the stakes. Here's Miss Ruby showing off her water-chasing skillz.

Pups is sooooooo cuuuuuuuuuute. 

Fruity

Figs are Yummy

I live in kind of a dumpy apartment complex. The inside of my apartment is okay but the surrounding neighborhood is mildly sketchy. Fine for me but if I were married or had kids I would not live here.

The adjacent property is home to a straight up mini-slum of rental units in terrible shape. It's a dump. But they do have a fig tree, which I pillage at every opportunity. I try and do it on the sly because I don't want to share them with any other neighbors but for the most part I don't think anyone notices besides the June bugs and birds.

Anyway, that's the tree in the adjacent yard / junk disposal area. Imagine you're standing in an alley / driveway / parking lot and there in the yard of the dump next door is this fig tree with all these delicious ripe figs. It's... kind of awesome. Urban foraging FTW.

It's Dark and I'm Trying to Read

If I had kids and I was teaching them to read I would probably not start with this. I would be sorely tempted, but I would not. Probably. 

(Blog title for today is an allusion to one of my all time favorite album titles: It's Dark and Hell is Hot)

Once Upon a Time

You had me at mermaids and tattoos.

Go here for the full story and enjoy.

Big News In Small Things: Mini-Newbs

BABYTIME

Continuing with recent themes: friend of the blog Ze Newbs welcomed his baby boy into the world on Sunday, 27 July. Mom and baby are doing very well. Welcome Mini-Newbs!

I like to buy themed onesies for the kids. Last one I bought was a spacesuit onesie for Baby Samantha at the 'Murrican Museum of Natural History. It was awesome. I wanted one for me. If those things came in adult sizes we could have been matchies.

Not sure what I'm going to get Mini-Newbs yet. Probably a Giants onesie, preferably in the pattern and colors of the Giants home unis. (Best uniforms in Major League Baseball.) Possibly a 49er onesie. Those things are the cutest. Possibly both. Onesies are my favorite.

Big congrats to Mr. and Mrs. Ze Newbs.

Hellz Yeah

If this movie delivers on the promise of the trailer then I will be super pumped to the Max. (HONK!)

Couldn't help it. Loved the original Mad Max when I was a kid and I think Tom Hardy is mostly great (aside from Bane - that kind of sucked, but not his fault).

I've Been There

Every Club, Ever

When divergent branches on the great evolutionary tree evolve similar behaviors it is called 'convergent evolution'. You're welcome.

(Hat tip to Ruby's Dad.)

Hug it Out

Spent some Quality Time with my four-legged friends Roxy (pictured) and Brutus yesterday at Ryan's house. It's cool that Ryan answers the phone and lets me in to play with the dogs. I guess I also hang out with Ryan but, uhh, it's not as important as the dogs.

There's always a lot of man talk (girls, guns, motorcycles). I brought a suitcase of PBR, if that's any guide. But in between man talk I catch up with the pups. It gets no better. We didn't finish the projects we were working on so he said I could come back next week. Exactly as planned....

Dad Jokes are Good for You

I'm fond of Dad Jokes. I've taken to calling any corny joke a Dad Joke, so maybe I just love corny jokes. Who cares?

Want some pointers? 

Not Mine

Happy Baby is Happy

Told you it was all puppies and babies, babies and puppies. This is Samantha. She got a lot more interesting in the past couple weeks because she can look around and smile now. Interactive baby. Also she's learning new things, like she 'found her feet'. Apparently babies do that. One day, no idea where they are, next day they're in your mouth because hey, why not? She was practicing her rollovers (another thing babies learn) and I got this action shot. You're welcome.

Read It

The New Yorker is putting up a paywall. Smart business, I guess. Slate has a list of what you should read before you have to get out your wallet. Because I'm a boring pretentious dick avid reader I have already read most of them. Here are my favorites, as copied from the Slate article:

“Getting Bin Laden,” Aug. 8, 2011. This moment-by-moment account of the mission to get Osama Bin Laden, written by Nicholas Schmidle, is every bit as thrilling as Zero Dark Thirty, and much more rigorously fact-checked.

“Taken,” Aug. 12, 2013. Sarah Stillman’s reporting illuminates an appalling, pervasive practice that you won’t believe actually exists. // I think I wrote a blog post about this one already but I'm too lazy to look it up. This article is by turns shocking, depressing, and terrifying. Small town, small time 'Murrica at its worst.

“The Apostate,” Feb. 14, 2011. Lawrence Wright’s heavily vetted and fact-checked reporting on the Church of Scientology, which later evolved into the book Going Clear, offers a rare look into the notoriously secretive organization.

“Trial By Fire,” Sept. 7, 2009. David Grann’s gripping story demonstrated that by executing Cameron Todd Willingham for the murder of his family, the state of Texas may very well have killed an innocent man. // David Grann, along with William Langewiesche, is one of the best long-form reporters in the world. His reporting on Cameron Todd Willingham is one of the reasons why.

While we're on the subject of William Langewiesche, read this if you haven't already: The World in Its Extreme. And if you feel like reading a gripping account of a horrible tragedy that will almost certainly give you nightmares, try A Sea Story.

“A Loaded Gun,” Feb. 11, 2013. In this thorough and troubling crime story, Patrick Radden Keefe examines the life of Amy Bishop, who killed six of her colleagues in a mass shooting, and 25 years ago, may have killed her brother, too.// May have? That's being generous. 

What I haven't read but plan to read next:
"God Knows Where I Am,” May 30, 2011. Rachel Aviv’s look at mental health patients who reject their psychiatric diagnoses is smart and heartbreaking in equal measures.

That should keep you briefly entertained. Notably absent from the slate list: anything from Malcolm Gladwell.

Okay then.