16 December 2014

It's That Holiday Time of Year: Christmas Songs, Ranked (5 of them, anyway)

Holiday shit. Pretty short Christmas list this year. It looks like I'll be getting everyone new brakes for my high-performance German sports sedan. I already got you guys a new radio because the OEM version sucked major ass. You would think that was enough but: no. People I swear.

Stereo was expensive but what are you going to do? You guys don't want me to put some wack shit in the sweetmobile. I need fucking nav and a touchscreen up in that bitch. I can abide just about anything in a car except a shite stereo. One time expense, smiles per mile, etc, etc. Same with the brakes: they are a wear item and that's what happens when you buy a car with 80k miles on it. Good times. Don't thank me, friends and family. You're worth it.

Me and the holidays have an, umm, up and down history. (Now that I'm older I have cut out the binge drinking. That's a little thing I like to call maturity.) But I love me some Christmas music. Keep your presents, I'm rocking out with an egg nog. Favorite Christmas song? All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey. Is there a better Christmas song? I don't think so. Here's a short ranking:

1. All I Want for Christmas is You
2. Fairytale of New York - The Pogues and Kristy McColl
3. Happy Xmas (John Lennon)
4. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) - U2
5. Do They Know It's Christmas - Band Aid

Juuuuuust outside the top 5: Oh hey did you want a pop version of Angels We Have Heard on High? You're welcome. You want to hate but that melody has been killing in English for 150 years (the French version even longer). Resistance is futile.

Related: If Me First and the Gimme Gimmes recorded a Christmas record then I would pay good green American money for it and their versions of the classics would constitute my entire "best Christmas song" list, although Mariah would probably still be number one. 1994-era Mariah? Tough to beat.

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