27 July 2007

if you ain't cheatin, you ain't tryin'

ahh, the magic of sport. On the one hand, you've got guys like Barry Bonds. He probably took steroids. I don't much care. It wasn't against the rules when he did it, and there's a long and inglorious history of cheating in baseball. You can say Aaron didn't use illegal drugs, but you have to admit that he may have been popping greenies like tic tacs. So what?

And then there's cycling. lordy lordy lordy. Cyclists are the East German swim team from 1976. I have a friend in France (oui!) that rides with some amateur cyclists on the weekends. He told me a couple years ago that even the amateur riders, the weekend warriors riding for club teams, have to deal with doping at every competition. He says it's just the done thing; if you're not enhancing w/ drugs, you're not going to even compete. I confess that I doubted him then, but not now.

The rider in the photo above (from Joel Saget/Agence France-Presse — Getty Images; please don't send me litigious correspondence) was the race leader until he got booted for skipping scheduled drug tests before the race started. How did he get through almost the whole race without someone noticing that he had been booted from his own national team for suspicion of using drugs? That's the kind of oversight you only expect from the federal government.

26 July 2007

cellphone service: inferior / advertisements: superior

maybe you caught the new sprint ad campaign on television. They leave the shutters on their camera open for extended periods, and draw with lights to create shapes, scenes, etc. I liked it. It's a lot better than the Verizon guy. Can you hear me now? What about now? aaaaaaaand, now?

also good: the new Harry Potter book.

I keep promising something funny but I don't deliver. You're used to it already.
I'm working on it.

20 July 2007

brief update

i've been busy. I did some cultural anthropology over at Starz (friend's bachelor party), volunteered at the local animal shelter, and watched the MLS all-star game / Beckham promotional extravaganza. Here's what I learned:
  • new language. My favorite phrase from my night out w/ the guys was "he was hard on 'em". the phrase refers to a guy being good with the girls, without remorse. As an example, my friend told the following story (roughly verbatim): That Sean, he was hard on 'em. One time, we were living together, and I was trying to get with this girl, taking her out, you know? But behind my back, Sean was hitting it. When I talked to him about it he said, "hey, when your game is tight, it's tight." Hard on 'em.
  • animal shelter training is fun. (really)
  • The MLS all-star game was a long promotional tool for David Beckham. A first-tier star in a third-tier league, the nauseating announcers could not stop talking about him. remember, he's on the sidelines in a suit, but the following exchanges were common:
    [during a free kick] "This is the kind of situation that David Beckham loves." [shot of him in the stands, looking bored]
    [after a cross into box] "That's the kind of thing we can expect to see from Beckham when he makes his GALAXY DEBUT" -their emphasis, not mine [shot of Beckham in stands, staring at nothing]
    There's 22 guys working on the field, and announcers are fellating a player in the stands. thanks, guys. great work.
  • steal a car and don't succeed? steal it again.
funny is back monday. sexy never left.

15 July 2007

posh spice media whore tracker: update

If you haven't heard, there's new competition for the biggest non-event in American sports. The new contenders are:
  1. The ESPYs
  2. "Who's now?" on ESPN (an exercise in bloviating self-promotion on par with the espys)
  3. The Beckham's arrival in LA.
I refuse to post any more pictures of that unsmiling dragon-headed media slut that is David Beckham's wife, but I can tell you that a google search for "posh spice media whore" now returns 103,000 hits. Good work, Posh. Talent will out, eh?

I'm sure the press will eat it up until they actually start playing some games. Then the national prostate tickle that is the media machine will run out of steam, and we can get back to watching baseball. And by "watching baseball" I mean waiting for the premier league to start.

ps. In a recent SI article, Landon Donovan was concerned about the disparity in player salaries, says that it would be nice if Becks came into the locker room and splashed some of his money around. Second-highest paid player on the team? Landon Donovan, at $900k/year. jackass. The same article describes donovan as the US team's best player. That's all you need to know about how much the US sucks at soccer. When your best player is Lando, you're not winning a damn thing. Hey, what's the record for the LA Galaxy, anyway? 12th in a 13 team league? Cool.

12 July 2007

The countdown is on: 9 days to Beckham

The arrival of David Beckham in the US is a Big Deal. There are ad campaigns, and then there are ad campaigns cleverly disguised as magazine covers.

You can read all about what I think of Beckham and his impact on MLS here and also here. Short version: he won't have much impact on the crummy quality of play in MLS, and who cares if you "raise awareness" for a shitty product? It's still shit.

My latest point of interest is the storyboard from the advertising agency that is creating another ad campaign to announce His arrival. (See full storyboard on Slate.) They are contrasting how sad Madrid is (the Real half, not the Atletico half) about Beckham leaving, and how ABSOLUTELY PUMPED the Galaxy fans are.

They show an empty and "lifeless" Bernabeu stadium, and an "energetic and lively" Home Depot Center. That's funny because the Bernabeu averages 72,000 screaming, singing crazies during home games. The Galaxy averages a league-leading 22,500. I've never been to the Bernabeu, but I'm guessing that it was fairly engergetic and lively when they were winning the league for the 26th(?) time this year. Guessing. The Galaxy stadium is really nice, but let's make sure we compare apples to apples. Not that you care.

ps. A google for "posh spice media whore" turned up only 95,500 hits. She needs to work a lot harder.

05 July 2007

nothing says indpendence day like a two-story beer bong, unless you're getting arrested for driving 100 MPH while baked out of your skull

I celebrated our nations independence by drinking a lot. And taking some sun. And watching the kids do beer bongs. Good times.

Photo evidence at left. Careful observers will note that I'm wearing my Brasil basketball jersey on independence day. Reprezenting, as it were. Not as festive as my friend's star-spangled short-shorts and headband, but still pretty good. It was a nice way to spend the day.

It wasn't as good as getting arrested for driving 100 MPH while stoned to the gills, but it was still fun. Kudos to Al Gore Junior Junior for a fresh spin on the fourth of July. ata kid.