31 March 2010

Facebook: strangely victorious

Responded to a post from a friend on lamebook and they hit me with the captcha verification thing. Oddly appropriate, though.

He's on your side. Really.

Guy that works down the hall for me runs a headhunting business. He and his partner focus on placing executives and high-level professionals. He's kind of loud and they always have their door open so I can often overhear his conversations (except when I'm dominating with some kind of techno or trance awesomeness). Every time he hangs up the phone he says something unkind and/or profane about the person. And I mean every time. Recent real-world examples:

"Yeah that sounds great I'll get back to you in a week. [hangs up] Loser."

"Yes we're actively looking to place you. We've got some leads we're working on. Okay, talk soon. [hangs up] Jesus CHRIST what a f*cking BABY! How OLD are you? Do you want me to hold your hand? F*CK!"

"Yeah no problem, talk to you later. [hangs up] That guy sucks."

"You're at the top of our list. I've got some calls out so I'll get back to you, uh huh, thanks. [hangs up] Unemployable f*ck. No wonder he doesn't have a job."

Sooo... that happens.

29 March 2010

Not a great lunch. Not even a good lunch.

I've been craving a superb burrito. Unfortunately they are in short supply near my office in Irvine (city motto: "Better than Aliso Viejo, but only because it's a shorter drive to Newport or Costa Mesa."). So I'm left with a mediocre burrito, which is barely better than no burrito at all. It's a conundrum.

26 March 2010

Moar Friday Funday: Internet memes are comedy gold

This is sort of like hangover bear, but with captions.

I love the word 'kraken'. I love that Liam Neeson says "Release the Kraken!" (at ~1:45) in the Clash of the Titans trailer because if I had a kraken I would be releasing that thing at every opportunity. (That's not a dick joke but if you want to make it a dick joke go ahead - I'll wait.)

Apparently I'm not the only one, because it spawned a series of kraken-related photos on the internets. Which I discovered here.

Special bonus content: 4chan bachelor frog. Not that I've done any of those things. Lately.

It's good to have goals (always)

You know what's better than this?


(yeah I have featured it in this space before but whatever - brilliant goals against Manchester United never get old)

Friday Funday: Word problem- solution?

Original Problem:
Season tickets for men's basketball games cost graduate students $150 plus camping for a weekend. At this price, quantity demanded is 3 times quantity supplied, so a lottery is held at the end of the camp-out weekend. Lottery winners receive an entire season of tickets while losers receive nothing. Prior to learning who will win tickets, some students create groups in which they agree to divide the tickets evenly among the group. For simplicity, assume that there are 12 game tickets per season.
Does pooling change the mean number of game tickets that a student receives?
If two students agree to pool tickets, what are the odds that they will get some tickets (at least 1 set)?

This from Brian:
your odds of getting tickets for any PARTICULAR game (i.e., cal v ucla) should not change regardless of pooling or not, or the number of people in your pool.

Your odds of going to ANY game increases w/ pooling and the number of people your pool, up to 12 people. At more than 12 people the odds start to degrade according to some formula I have no desire to work out by some fraction, perhaps -1/12 per additional person?

My guess:
If you pool your resources then you increase your chance of winning but reduce the number of tickets you will win (if you do win). I guessed this because Supply = 3xDemand, so Demand = Supply/3. I figured for every 1 ticket package available (with 12 tickets), there are 3 students that want it. So your odds of winning are 1 in 3 (1/3).

Not sure what 'mean number of game tickets' is, so I can't answer that. If it is the chance of winning * the number of tickets you win, then for one person it is 1/3 x 12 = 4,
and it's the same whether you have 1, 2, 3 or however many people in your group.

for two people:
1/3 + 1/3 = 2/3 chance
2/3 chance * # tickets = 8 tickets
8 tickets / # people in group = 4

You have a 1/3 chance of winning, and your chance adds to their chance, so
1/3 + 1/3 + 1/3 = 1
1 * # of tickets = 12
12 / number of people in your group (3) = 4

If two students pool their resources there is a 2/3 chance they will get some tickets.
1/3 chance + 1/3 chance = 2/3
No idea if any of this is right. I'll post the answer when I hear back from my friend about her homework.

24 March 2010

Word problems are my favorite

The readership here is not very large but it is overeducated. So you'll love this word problem that my friend sent me. It's not meant to be super challenging, just a probability refresher for those of you that enjoy that kind of thing.

I already sent my answer in, so I'll post that after y'all have had a chance to ruminate on this a little. I have no idea if my answer is right but I took a shot at it, if for no other reason to find out how wrong I am.

This is super annoying. i don't even remember how to do probability.

how do you do this. i need to answer the questions below.
Season tickets for men's basketball games cost graduate students $150 plus camping for a weekend. At this price, quantity demanded is 3 times quantity supplied, so a lottery is held at the end of the camp-out weekend. Lottery winners receive an entire season of tickets while losers receive nothing. Prior to learning who will win tickets, some students create groups in which they agree to divide the tickets evenly among the group. For simplicity, assume that there are 12 game tickets per season.
Does pooling change the mean number of game tickets that a student receives?
If two students agree to pool tickets, what are the odds that they will get some tickets (at least 1 set)?


If that's too highbrow don't fret: we'll be bringing back the dick jokes in short order. (Get it! short order! Honk!)

Wait, you mean maybe it's not a big deal after all?

NFL talent evaluators are a couple decades behind common sense on this but apparently there are so many good players that have tried marijuana in this year's draft that it is forcing them to look more carefully at the players instead of eliminating them on principle.

The money quote:
It's almost as if we are having to figure out a new way to evaluate it as part of the character and background report, because it's so prevalent.

Welcome to the 21st century. I thought it was your job to evaluate each player individually, but that's probably too hard. No wonder players work to hide this information from you; you're a collection of reactionary morons.

Just to be clear, here's a sample list of jobs for which you are potentially unqualified if you smoked marijuana in college:
Running back in the NFL
Defensive back in the NFL
Defensive lineman in the NFL

And here's a job for which you are qualified if you're rejected by the NFL:
President of the United States of America

Also: Weird there hasn't been any concern over an 'epidemic' of vicodin use (aka heroin-lite). It's easier to get than weed, and also exponentially more dangerous. And I would bet that almost 100% of the players have used it at some point.

22 March 2010

Jean Claude van Domination

Strong leg kick for the win.

Satellites are your friends

This isn't really news but it's interesting from a graphic-design standpoint.
And if you go to actual youtube page for the video you will laugh when you see the list of 'related videos'. I promise.

It's good to have goals (again)

Three goals from Leo Messi. It's a hat trick, and it's a grab bag of brilliance.
The first is a relatively routine header - poor marking, a great pass and clinical finish.

The third is a nice bit of hustle and a crisp, curling shot. A nice goal, certainly world-class, but he makes it look too easy.

The second goal? You'll be seeing that one in highlights for decades.

Is this a cross or a chip?

Uploaded by 1513BB92024. - Parties, dorm life, and other college videos.
Some people are claiming this is a mis-hit cross. I don't buy that. It's floating too much, and it would have to be one of the worst mis-hit crosses to score a goal Ronaldinho scored against England in 2006. (I think it was 2006 - I'm too lazy to look it up.)

It really is superb, capping an epic comeback against Juventus at home to advance in the "europa league", which is for teams that don't qualify for Champions League (or get knocked out early).

Back on a regular schedule this week. I was on vacation most of last week, which would have been awesome if I didn't get sick and spend my vacation convalescing. Setback.

15 March 2010

It's the little things (pun intended)

Everyone has a different opinion on what the perfect day looks like. On Friday my perfect day looked like this:

1. Ride motorcycle to gym.
2. Work out.
3. Get oil changed at moto shop. (HELL YEAH MOTORCYCLES.)
4. Have lunch with my friend Steve at TK Burger (best burgers around).
5. Go to Steve's house and play with his baby Chase (pictured). No photos of me holding the baby, but I did, and he didn't cry. Also not pictured: me feeding the baby (I did that too - he was nice enough not to barf on me but I couldn't get him to burp).
6. Ride home, visit with dog, eat dinner, play xbox.
7. Go to bed.

Sure you can come up with better stuff like 'vacation in Hawaii' or 'strolling the Ponte Vecchio' or whatever else, but how often do you get to do that? I cooked up a great day just by getting out of bed. Which is kind of awesome. I felt very lucky.

Special bonus: Babies are fun and all but I'm really glad I don't have one. It's way better to show up, goof around with them, and then hand them off when they start to cry. Or smell bad. Which doesn't take long with a newborn, I noticed. I'm looking forward to teaching Chase jiu-jitsu. Can't wait for that.

11 March 2010

Get your dance on: The LXD

Some people liked the music, but I thought that the it was the weakest part of the performances, the krumping in particular. That's a minor quibble, though. I esp. enjoyed the ensemble piece that featured all the dancers.

How did we get this far? Plus: Shelving the online dating

I don't like to brag*, but this is post number 750 here at GJAW. So if you're looking to waste some time looking at my wasted time then you have come to the right place. Thanks for reading.

Viewership of the blogspace is way up since Google attached this thing to the Buzz. Gmail users will recognize 'Buzz' as everything that sucks about Facebook and Twitter**, now available from Gmail. Thanks Google.

Big news this week from cyberspace: I suspended the match.com account indefinitely. You really have to be in the mood for it because meeting new people is great and all but it's a lot of work. I've got guitar to play, books to read, gyms to go to, motorcycle riding to do, people to see. Not much time for coffee dates. In any case, here's some highlights from the last tour:
  • Conflicted much? The girl who was shocked (SHOCKED!) that I don't believe in god and insisted that I accompany her to church (Saddleback). In the same conversation she asked me if I was into rough sex, and if I would be comfortable having sex with her in front of other people (because she was into that in a big way). Umm, no thanks. The end.
  • People misrepresent themselves on the internet! (I know, I couldn't believe it either). The girl who claimed she lived in CDM but actually lived in Claremont. A mere 45 miles away, through some of the worst traffic IN THE NATION. Barf.
  • The Special Bonus award for Crazy goes to the girl that IM'd me when I was on match, asked to talk on the phone. I gave her my number, so she called right away and started firing questions at me: What do you do? Where do you work? Where do you work out? What do you do there? Tell me about your job. What was your last relationship like? Are you skinny? Lean? (all of which was bizarre but whatever). When I tried to ask questions of my own (as you do when you're having a conversation) she cut me off and said, "That's not how people get to know each other, they get to know each other by asking questions - answer my questions." I'm thinking, it sounds like you need counseling, but maybe you're just socially awkward? Let's find out. 1 more minute of the Q&A and I tried to ask more questions, since it's impolite to talk about yourself at length, and also I get bored with me. She said, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, people that can't talk about themselves have something to hide. That's a huge red flag for me. This isn't going to work out." And then she hung up. I was less surprised by the churchy/S&M girl than this weirdness. Awesome.
That's pretty much it. The other girls I met were normal. And I'm still single, if you hadn't heard.

* Not strictly true.
** There is nothing about Twitter that doesn't suck. Except this.

09 March 2010

Moving this above the fold: Comments on the Christian Chain Mail post

Got some feedback on the post and thought it reasonable to give it more visibility.

Commenter said:
Couldn't read it, all I got was a flash button and some music. But you're talking about idiots, not real Christians. Real Christians aren't racists and they don't play the race card. It's absolutely disgusting the number of them who get their brains switched off at the sight of forwards and pass them along just because the word "Jesus" is mentioned in them, and anything that tugs at their emotions whether it's bogus alarms, so-called "blessings" and anything that mentions "cancer" or something about one's own gender... As a Christian, I am dedicated to smashing chain letters to bits and ridiculing the sick hoaxters who come up with this crap. I am also TRYING to educate other Christians to wake up and smell the dang coffee, and get their heads out of the forwarding fog, and realize what is actually going on, and how they are doing everything wrong on the net when it comes to forwards. I'm also sick to death of nearly every person who complains about forwards turning out to be anti-Christian or at least believing all the wrong-headed negative stereotypes about Christians, and that most of the Christians seem to be completely oblivious and indifferent to this fact. http://ChristiansBreakingChainFwds.ning.com

This is an enlightened view and I applaud your efforts but it's an uphill battle.

The people that believe this stuff are Christians. They identify themselves as Christian, promote evangelical Christian views, thump the bible, go to church, pray to the cross, blah blah blah.

I'm not anti-Christian as much as I'm anti-stupid, which is what this kind of thing is. It goes hand in hand with thinking the United States has a divine right to world supremacy, teaching 'intelligent design' in public schools, that Barack Obama is trying to take over the world, "socialism", and quite a lot of other idiocy.

One of the most frustrating things about chain mail like this is that if it came from some other religious source people would throw it away immediately, because it's ridiculous. But since it's "Christian" people just eat it up.

08 March 2010

Old people + the internet + christian chain mail = comedy gold

This is not for the faint of heart. My great-aunt, who is in her 70s (early 80s?) and is a good person for the most part (except where she doesn't like black people, and Mexicans, and immigrants, and watches way too much Fox news) never sends me anything but bizarro Christian chain mail bullshit. She's a caricature of the old person on the internet. A couple years ago she sent me that thing about cancer and johns hopkins. I usually let the garbage go without responding but I had to tell her the truth about that one because it was potentially harmful to the other people she sent it to. The ones that don't have any sense, I mean.

So it's been a couple years since I got anything new (the cancer thing didn't go over very well, even though I was nice about it) but the current crisis in this country has gotten me out of the doghouse. And I get stuff like this link, but first a warning - DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK IF YOU ARE NOT TOTALLY COMMITTED TO JESUS CHRIST IN ALL HIS POWER AND GLORY - SERIOUSLY, DO NOT DO IT.

And by "POWER AND GLORY" I mean the complete disregard for correct grammar, spelling, syntax, flash animation, logic, restraint, and common sense.

On the other hand this link was very effective, because the first words out of my mouth when I saw it were: "jesus. christ." Followed shortly by "What the f*ck is wrong with people?"

03 March 2010

Jersey Shore dog? (And I don't mean that troll snookie)

This from my friend Lindsay who looooooves animals. Which is good, because she has two of the most retarded dogs in America. Not because she spoils them, but because they have behavior and health problems she's had to work through from their pre-Lindsay lives. And also because they are retarded.

She sent this from her crackberry so I added the paragraph breaks but left in the typos for authenticity.

I forgot to tell you on friday I took the dogs to daycare and when I got there I got the odd energy like something happened. So this guy goes to the front desk person should I get the dogs she says yes but he stays and she says I have to talk to you about maddie so I am thinking oh shit what happened now.

Well apparently the guy who was standing there is new and apparently maddie does not like new people because she bites them when they let her out of her crate and she does not know them. So they let maddie out and she runs up and bites the guy right in the crotch. Why the hell would she do that.

The guy was fine and after they brought her and him in the interview and she was totally fine with him no aggression. I felt terrible obviously and the guy wa totally fine and he did not seem to care. He was wierd so maybe he gave off wierd energy.

When I got to my car I was laughing so hard why the hell would she run up and bite a crotch and not jusy bite the leg and then we did not get kicked out. How could they not kick us out they were like we love the dogs maddie is not a ba dog. I was like um she is a bad dog.

The other funny thing is a dog got kicked out for herding the dogs too much and maddie bites a crotch and we are still in. I thought you would enjoy that story.

I did get her an ed hardy wannabe collar so maybe her jersey shore side is coming out

02 March 2010

Look twice for motorcyclists

Part of the new UK campaign to personalize motorcyclists and encourage other motorists to treat them as people and less as objects to avoid or ignore.

Courtesy HFL.

Twilight: Porn for chicks

In response to this from Brian:
twilight is a phenomenon I don't think males can properly comprehend. my lady read, in this order: the first three twilight books, in defense of food, last twilight book, the fountainhead, and the entire twilight series again.

My friend Jeff and I were talking about Twilight and he said that his roommate Arash explained the Twilight phenomenon to him as 'porn for chicks'. Not sure if Arash came up with the idea on his own or if he overheard it, but I think it makes sense.

What he means is that the Twilight books meet a need in their female audience in the same way that porn meets a need in men. Whatever it is in the twilight books that makes girls go nuts for it, they're not getting it anywhere else (that I'm aware of), so credit to Meyer for being able to package that up and deliver it on the printed page. And they keep coming back to it (which is the amazing part).

You might think it's a pile of steaming shit (as I do), but your girl probably thinks the same thing about Playboy. So in that context I think it's possible to understand Twilight very well.

Unrelated: I love this jam. The video is a bit much but whatever. Open it in a different tab and just let the magic wash over you.

No one roots for Goliath (except me)

Wilt Chamberlain was awesome. I mean that in both the 'awe-inspiring' sense of the word, and also in the 'totally bitchin' sense. Not because of the '20,000 women' thing, which was a statement he came to regret (and almost certainly a gross prevarication), but because he was one of a kind. And because he is one of those stars whose achievements loom larger in history than they did at the time. In other words, the further away they get, the more amazing they become (Joe Dimaggio's 56 game hit streak is another good example).

Very much enjoyed this article:



I don't mean that as some literary device. I mean physically. Chamberlain towered over Chenowith. It was like some kind of optical illusion. There was something about Chamberlain that contradicted scales and height charts. There was something about the way that Chamberlain carried himself that made him look, really look, larger than life.

01 March 2010

Does Pandora know something I don't?

I don't like to read too much into the music that Pandora delivers, but sometimes I just can't help myself. This track, in particular, seems very danceable. And kind of makes me want to take my shirt off.*


* Before you cue up Pandora for your local dinner party be sure your playlist is either thoroughly vetted or fairly narrow in scope. If not you might get some weird europop mid-dinner and have splainin' to do.

Well allow me to retort: Buy an ipod touch

I have a long and difficult history with Apple products. I was a big proponent early on in my computer-using life but as my level of technical expertise grew I stopped drinking the Kool-Aid. But I have to admit: the ipod touch is one kickass good toy, especially in its current 64GB iteration.

My friend says:
And let the iphone go, its a tired misguided hatred. Almost everyone i know who has one absolutely adores it. Can you say that for any another phone/device? Oh well perhaps the i-pod. I stand corrected.

To which I say:
No. I reject the phone-ness of the iphone. As a handheld computer the iphone is the coolest thing there is (at least today). It has no competition. You can't even compare it to the droid (which is pretty nice). As a device for talking and texting it's a joke; my enV3 is far superior (and cheaper). So the ipod touch is, as my iphone-owning co-worker said, "the iphone without the shitty phone bits!"

Features that are unacceptable in a phone (touchscreen, no insurance, no way to change battery, and shite service and coverage) are either awesome (touchscreen) or irrelevant in the touch. Plus you get all the iphone stuff that makes people forget how weak the phone is. Which makes the ipod touch one of the coolest toys you can get your hands on.

PS. How f'd up is that kool-aid commercial?