25 September 2016

You're Doing it Wrong: Trick or Treating

Originally published this on 2 Nov 2015, but since IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN (GET EXCITED FOR HALLOWEEN) I'm reposting it. You're welcome(?).


I guess this is a real thing that happened. A parent posted these around their neighborhood in Philly or its environs.

Someone forwarded it to me so who knows? The internet is full of things that are not true. But it is funny and sparked a discussion amongst the peeps. I mean a discussion beyond the gross helicopter parenting and projected sadness on display in the flyer. (It is hard to decide which part is the most lame. Is the the 'don't exclude anyone part'? Or is the part where you should hand out candy that is gluten free, dairy free, and nut free? Lord have mercy on this poor kid because his parents are failing.)

What is the lamest halloween trick or treat you can put in someone's bag?

This list is a very strong summary of utter garbage. Let's rate them on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being a full size snicker's bar, and 1 being an apple or whatever.
  • Carrot sticks? Go f yourself. (Not Rated)
  • Smarties - Not good but they will do the job. 4 out of 10 wrappers in your pocket.
  • Necco wafers - have only seen these in movies about the apocalypse because they are the last thing left to eat. 1 out of 10 zombies.
  • Lifesavers - Could eat it if you were dying. 2 out of 10 red tongues. 
  • Brach's Lemon Drops - My favorite, except that they ruin your mouth. 8 out of 10 cold sores. 
  • Raisins - You are a troll. 0 out of 10 opportunities to be socially well adjusted.
There were some other options suggested by my friend Eames:
  • Pennies. This was definitely the worst thing I remembered. 0 out of 10 pieces of garbage you rescued from your ashtray, adjusted for inflation.
  • Homemade popcorn ball -  Depends on if it is caramel corn or not. If it is homemade caramel corn then that is actually good. 8 out of 10 pieces of popcorn stuck in your teef. If it is anything but caramel corn then it sucks. 1 out of 10 balls of sadness. 
Hope you had a good halloween. Mine was quiet. I loathe dress up, if you hadn't heard.

Jose Fernandez is Dead.

Sad news out of Miami this morning as Jose Fernandez died in the early morning hours in a boating crash. Baseball is boring and lame - too much baloney about playing the game the 'right way' - but Jose Fernandez was neither of those things; he was the antithesis of boring and lame baseball. He was really good, and he was a joy to watch.

I'm reminded of something Shea Serrano wrote in a series he did on coaching middle school basketball (which I cannot recommend highly enough; read it here in its entirety). In describing one of his immensely talented, handsome, and charming players he said something like, "I don't know what its like to be a master of the universe, but it looks like a hell of a lot of fun." That's how I felt when I watched Jose Fernandez.

He was 24.

12 September 2016

I Went There: Vancouver

(One in an occasional series.)

One of the reasons I haven't been blogging is that I have been on the road. First there was a lot of domestic travel (covered that in a previous post), and then I was visiting The Northern United States Provinces of Socialized Medicine Canadia and then a couple cities in Central America (more on that in a bit). 

Vancouver is a lovely city any time of year, but particularly so in the summer. I had to go out there for work (poor me), and one afternoon I had lunch down at the seawall. The great thing about Van City is that it is pedestrian friendly, the people are mostly nice, and there's a lot of cool neighborhoods to visit. If you like to shop while you do your sightseeing then you will be in heaven. (I'm not a big fan of shopping when I travel because there's nothing in other cities you can't buy in Costa Mesa, but if that's your thing, cool.) If good food and walkable areas and the occasional beer is your thing then you will enjoy Van City quite a lot. It is a very popular vacation destination for a reason.

A downside to Van City is the large drug addicted and able bodied homeless population. I had not seen anyone shooting up or nodded out in the streets in a while but all of that was a part of some minor sightseeing in Gastown. It's pretty sketchy down there in spots! Liberal cities are great until you see so many people completely uninterested in any kind of work. Again: there's no shortage of drug addicted and mentally ill homeless in my neighborhood but Vancouver had hundreds of young, able people sleeping in the streets. It's a fine line between lazy and addicted, and Van City seems to encourage the former while enabling the latter. Overall a fun visit. Recommended. 

11 September 2016

Go to a Show: Sam Outlaw

Went to a Sam Outlaw show last night. It was great.
He wrote this song for his mom, which is also great.

Full disclosure: Sam and I have been friends for a long time. He has popped up in this space a few times over the years. Funny thing about Sam is that he was always a star, even when he was a 21 year old kid fresh out of college. He wasn't famous, but he was always a star. Some people are like that. Anyway, his music is good if you like melodies with some twang. It probably has more in common with the Eagles than it does with modern prototype 'country' music, but that's a credit in my opinion. And if you aren't here for my opinion then what are you here for?

Sam is touring now. Get out there and see him in person. If you're lucky he will do a live reading of the letter someone wrote his manager because they felt Sam was going to hell because he wrote/performs a song called Jesus Take the Wheel (and Drive Me to a Bar).

21 August 2016

What's New?

Hello friends!
I know you come to this space to enjoy regular updates on moderately interesting topics. I haven't done many updates lately because I haven't done anything moderately interesting. Work is work. Sometimes I get on planes and do work at other places besides my local spot. What is there to say about that? Not much. I haven't finished any books in the past week, mainly because I'm lazy. Made some cookies - is that interesting? Not really.

More trips are on the horizon so that's... something. I'll share more on those after they are over.

The olympics were on, and now they're over. They are a scam but it's still great to see the athletes get emotional after they win. That never gets old, even for a cynic like me.

Why do they hold the olympics in a city in a third-world country renowned for corruption? The Sochi  (sp?) winter olympics in Russia were bad, and the Rio summer games were worse. How is that even possible? We know the reason that those cities were awarded hosting rights: it starts with big bags of money and ends with big bags of money. You would think that at some point the people collecting all that money would feel somewhat ashamed and maybe try harder to make the graft less obvious. Maybe someday. It's not like we do that sort of thing in the United States. Oh, wait. Never mind.





15 August 2016

Get Down with this Slow Jam: Flume - Tiny Cities feat. Beck, Headphone Activist Remix

It's been 12 days since my last post.
In that 12 days I have been in Chicago / home / Thousand Oaks* / home / Oakland / San Francisco / Oakland / home / Torrance / home / Phoenix / home / Denver / Boulder / Denver / home.

Along the way some stuff happened and stuff. Whatever. Work is work. August shaped up to be the busiest travel month of the year, and that was just the first two weeks. So that's fun.

Please enjoy this free download that I may have posted already. I can't even remember and I'm too lazy to look. I do remember that I think this remix is amazing, and for $0.00 you can't beat the price. Can you believe you get this song for free? What a time to be alive.

More to come since I don't have to get on a plane for a whole week. Very excited.

* Fuck Thousand Oaks so much. When I die and go to Hell it will look just like Thousand Oaks, except it won't be as bad.

03 August 2016

You busy?

What IS this? How is it possible?

People are awesome. I came in first in a round of Battlefield once. Definitely pwned some n00bs, is what I mean. Just saying.

25 July 2016

Barry is the Best

With my apologies for the crummy phone photo - this is what Barry the Hummingbird looks like when he's sitting outside on the feeder:

This is how he sees himself:

Good Books are Good: Uprooted by Naomi Novik

This book was on a list of recommended SF&F novels I bumped into a while back. I picked up a couple of them and one was trash (literally trash - I enjoyed throwing it away more than I enjoyed finishing it) but this was excellent. It has garnered numerous strong reviews and awards so you can either take my word for it or aggregate all the feedback and decide for yourself. It is excellent. Highly recommended for all readers.

24 July 2016

Musical Interlude: Alone by Marshmello

This smash hit has been described on the radio (when I was in Hell Phoenix and had to listen to the radio) as "happy trap". I don't disagree with that categorization, but I would suggest that it's more fun than happy, and who doesn't need a little more fun in their life? Your kids will probably love it, is what I'm saying.

The mixes from marshmello are kind of all over the place but probably great in person, if that's your thing. 

23 July 2016

Good Books are Good: Ventoux by Bert Wagendorp

Do you like cycling? No? Oh. What about weird coming of age stories set in the Netherlands? No? Oh. Hmm... not sure this is the book for you.

I confess I'm not much interested in cycling or coming of age stories set in the Netherlands either but this book was good. It's very much a retrospective, first-world problems, white middle-aged guy story. (Dutch people LOVED it - they bought hundreds of thousands of copies, made a movie out of it, etc.) I fit the target demographic and as such the book appealed to me on levels that may not appeal to you. If you regularly read Jodi Picoult or Nicholas Sparks novels then you should maybe give this one a pass. (And also you should read better books.) 

It is a difficult novel to classify - kids grow up? Kids go cycling? Bad things happen? Adults go cycling? No idea. I liked it. You might not. It's that kind book. 

Long Time No Talk

Not Actually a Bond Villain
Two weeks between posts is a long time. We have have so much to talk about! I usually fill this space with rhetoric about politics but our current two-party system has delivered only two options for a presidential candidate. One is a warmongering (though otherwise moderate) Republican, and the other is a barely sentient, toad-shaped blob of orange whip. What's a voter to do? One is bad, the other is worse. Sam Harris says he will 'hold his nose and vote for Hillary', which is an endorsement, I guess.

Anyway congrats to Drumpf on his nomination. He makes G.W. Bush look like a polished statesman, so it's true that money can really buy anything. I look forward to seeing how he blusters and bullies his way through debates. It will be difficult for a craven politician like Hillary to take him seriously, because he is not a serious man. He is a spoiled brat playing the tough guy, and that plays well with the faux-tough electorate looking to blame someone besides themselves for their declining economic influence. The only thing more embarrassing than his candidacy are the people that believe his nonsense. For a party that got extremely bent out of shape over Obama's ambiguities and vagaries back in 2008 the GOP faithful seem to be very content to let Drumpf free associate platitudes. Funny how that works.

Election season! Get excited!

10 July 2016

Read It: All Quiet On the Western Front

I picked up a copy of All Quiet on the Western Front to re-read. *(They can be had on amazon for pennies, plus shipping.) There is a very informative series of videos on youtube that can get you caught up on all the minutiae of WWI, and there are a great many historical novels that can do the same. These overarching narratives will talk at length about troop movements, and shells fired, and lives lost. So many lives lost. Too many to count. It was a nightmare beyond reckoning.

Through all that numbing information the actual cost and consequences of the war get lost. It's all well and good to know that the troops were in one place or another, but what where they doing? All Quiet On the Western Front makes an effort to bring that to light. It is a superb book that is just as thoroughly modern and relevant today as it was the day it was published in 1929.

Mostly they were trying to kill other people, at which they excelled, and also they were trying not to die, at which they did not.

The book itself is a slim volume that can be read through in a few sittings, if you have the stomach for it. More likely you will have to read it in smaller sections, as the wretched misery of trench warfare in 1916 is only occasionally interrupted by 'happy' moments.

If you read only one book about WWI, or only one book about war in general, then this is the book to read.

30 June 2016

The Lobster Place in Chelsea Market, Manhattan, NYC

The Lobster Place (Interior, Partial)
There is a place in Chelsea Market where you can get a delicious lobster roll, and also lobster bisque, and also sushi, and also boiled lobster, and a great many other things. It is called The Lobster Place. I took a picture. Here it is.

28 June 2016

Meditations on Violence by Rory Miller

This is a fascinating, insightful book. Miller writes with clarity about the nature of human violence in modern Western society and punctures the myth of the dojo and practiced martial arts training. It's an interesting topic in part because I (and probably you) live in a society where people prefer to ignore violence, pretend that it exists at a remove, and move blithely through the world as though it can't happen to you. Ignorance is bliss. 

You don't need to live in fear or paranoia, but a greater understanding of violent human nature is probably a good idea, not least so that you can recognize a real danger when it presents itself.

The book does not attempt to share techniques for training or exercises. Instead it does what it says on the tin (meditations): philosophical topics rooted in real-world experience. 

Highly recommended. 

Punctuation is Important

From Friend Scott, via the internet:

Dear people who type in all lower case,
We are the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
Upper Case Letters

27 June 2016

I Went There: Phoenix

10:00 PM in Phoenix is Lovely This Time of Year
(One in an occasional series.)

Phoenix is awful. Phoenix is what would happen if someone decided to build a huge shopping mall in Hell. 

The only nice thing I can say about it is that there is a weirdly disproportionate number of attractive women there. Why is that? No idea. Must be some kind of social pressure, like in some Southern cities. It is weird. They must enjoy being sweaty, because living in Phoenix is like living in the business end of a blowtorch.

26 June 2016

I Went There: Manhattan

Room with a View Means I Take a Lame Photo
It's been a couple weeks since the last post because I was in  New York / San Francisco / Phoenix for work. Lots of airports and hotels and uber rides and conference rooms but along the way I was able to have some good experiences. They put me in a hotel room with a view of a tall pointy building. So that was fun. Ate some really good Korean food in Koreatown in Manhattan, which was also fun.

In between attending a conference for work and meeting with customers in Manhattan I was able to visit some amazing food places. I could eat at Gotham Market every day and never get tired of it. I would also weigh 800 lbs in about three weeks. Everything looked amazing. Same with the Chelsea Market. Went to both those places on the same day, because you work up an appetite walking around the upper west side.

Also visited lavains (purveyors of the finest store-bought cookie that I have ever had, and possibly the best cookie available at any price), and also Balthazar (purveyors of a great many delicious items, but I was there for the coconut cake). You can skip the hassle of trying to get a table at Balthazar and just go to the bakery and get a slice of that cake. It is the shit. Technically it is the same as the Minetta Tavern Coconut Cake, so you can review the recipe here if you want to try and make it at home. If you want some help let me know - my kitchen isn't big enough for that project, although I may try and build it this winter just to see if it can be done.

Yeah there are other things in Manhattan besides food but the American Museum of Natural History is well documented (underrated). So is Central Park in the summer (overrated). Plus the Hayden Sphere was under construction so I couldn't visit the exhibit. So that sucked. Still a great trip overall. Manhattan is a superb visit but it wears me out.

12 June 2016

Good Books are Good: America's War for the Greater Middle East by Andrew Bacevich

America is at the Mall
As per usual, not much to report. Work and the gym, and sometimes I go places (and go to the gym, or yoga). In the next two weeks I have to go to New York City, San Francisco, and Salt Lake City. It would be great if it weren't exhausting. Middle aged white guy problems for real. 

In between trips to exotic locales I finished America's War for the Greater Middle East by Andrew Bacevich. It was very good. The book examines the United States continuous (and continuing) failure to demonstrate any kind of success in its' ongoing war in the Greater Middle East. 

Bacevich adroitly points out that the rise of military commitment in the Greater Middle East started up in earnest just as the cold war was winding down. What a happy coincidence this turned out to be for the US military industrial complex! (Was it actually a coincidence? No!) He also points out that, unlike the war in Vietnam, everyday life in America changed not at all: there were no sacrifices, no draft, no request from the government to maybe cut back a little on the conspicuous consumption. Quite the contrary: the public has been asked to proceed as if we are not at war. Why should we do otherwise?

This lack of investment or involvement encourages apathy on the part of the American voter, and it enables the various participatory entities to piss away trillions of dollars on military operations across the globe to no appreciable effect. It's quite a little racket the senior level military commanders, politicians, and defense contractors have set up for themselves. All this while the rank and file soldiers get put in the meat grinder.

If you are at all interested in a tidy summary of the epic catalog of failures that is US foreign policy and military action in the Greater Middle East then you will be fascinated. Highly recommended.