18 August 2014

Old School: 1967 911S Flogged Around Laguna Seca by Pat Long

I have two uncles, one I talk to fairly often and another that I don't communicate with all that much. The latter had ambitions of being a race car driver after he got out of the service. It didn't happen (he became a journalist, and wrote about cars instead). I sent him the above video because it was his era of car driving and this was his response:

Thanks... When I think of Laguna, I still think of the old course, before they added that stuff in the infield. One time at a BMW press day I went out in a 5 Series and took about 10 laps--can't remember my lap time, but it was decent. I was sure the car didn't have more than half a second or so left in it.
 David Hobbs raced for BMW in the IMSA series, and he was giving demo rides. I handed him the key and got into the passenger seat. On his second lap, he went four seconds quicker than my best time, driving with one hand, pointing out the apexes and telling a story about a hot blonde TV producer who was filming a commercial. That's when I realized I wasn't going to be a racing driver....

17 August 2014


Blog got kind of heavy for a minute - how about a picture of a super cute puppy? Ruby, get in here! How can you not want to kiss that girl?

Still haven't met this girl in person. Next time I'm in the bay area it is happening. Can't wait.

Sloth in Motion

Oh hey did Mozilla post a GIF of a sloth? Yes. Yes they did.

White People Problems: Yoga Idiots

Long-time readers know that I attend yoga classes on a semi-regular basis. It's good for you, it's a social outlet, it is humbling, personal growth, hot girls in yoga pants, blah blah blah. For the most part I am insulated from the yoga yahoo extreme but every now and then I am exposed to it. There's only so much inward focus you can do in a crowded class. It makes me want to put these people on a vegetarian/vegan, gluten free, quinoa-based, environmentally friendly rocket and launch them into the sun.

Scene: end of yoga class, rolling up my mat. Conversation (overheard): 
Girl 1: Oh my gosh you have so much going on right now!
Girl 2: Oh my gosh I know - I'm sooooo busy.
Girl 1: I saw that you're going to culinary school.
 //Ed: An odd choice for someone who is creepy skinny. 

Girl 2: Yeah it's sooo great. It's vegetarian/vegan and it has been so GOOD for me
 //Ed: Visual evidence suggests otherwise.

Girl 1: And you know /name/, because they're active in the animal rights movement!
Girl 2: Yeah! That is soooo great that you do that too.
Girl 1: Thank you so much - we are planning an event at the pier tomorrow. Did you know they kill all those fish? We have t-shirts and we're going to make it really friendly and approachable.

//Ed: :: blurgh :: Hey did anything happen last week aside from the brutal murder of some bait fish on the pier? Like, did a man get gunned down in the street or anything? Police sweep in and violate anyone's constitutional right to assemble, all in the name of law and 'order'? Ring any bells? No? Oh. Carry on with your crusade for the rights of the anchovy.

I'm sure your "approachable" protest is going to make a huge impact with the fisherman. BTW, do you speak Spanish and/or Vietnamese? No? Oh. Maybe not so much.

:: Exeunt all ::

It's so nice that I live in a place where people can go to vegetarian/vegan culinary school (Example recipe: wash organic broccoli, eat, enjoy(?)) and also not worry about my neighborhood getting occupied by the local clown school police force. Black people in Ferguson need to worry about dying in those streets. White people in Costa Mesa got problems too: people are killing fish on the pier!

Enjoy your week. I'm eating lamb for dinner. It helps remind me not to be a sheep.

12 August 2014

The NFL is the Worst: Turn Down for What-the-Fuck-Ever

There's been a lot of digital ink spilled over the two game suspension Ray Rice got for knocking his fiancee unconscious in an elevator during an altercation.

I don't watch football any more because I do not feel like supporting an organization that suspends a player for two games for punching his wife in the face and four games for taking MDMA when on vacation. Also unacceptable: suspending players for 5 games for trading on the value of their image or likeness when they were in college and still 'amateurs'.

The message is clear: Punching your wife? Not good. Doing relatively harmless recreational drugs in your off hours? Bad. Disobeying the archaic, absurd, hypocritical rules in the NFL's minor leagues the NCAA by trading your jersey for tattoos?  Very bad. In other words: Beat your wife at your discretion, but don't you dare affect the NCAA / NFL revenue stream. Some things are inviolate.

As an aside, what do you think is at longer-term health risk: a severe concussion or eating some molly? Asking for a friend.

Dancefloor Destroyers: I Want You Back by Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5

Haven't posted any music here for a while. Weird, because I listen to music almost every waking moment. Busy, you know?

Anyway, here's a certified multi-generational Dancefloor Destroyer from 1969. That hook! That vocal! That bassline! That chorus! I love this song.

Thanks for reading. 

10 August 2014

I Need One of These*

So Cute I Can't Stand It, from SPACE
As reported about six weeks ago, here's the spacesuit-themed onesie I got Baby Samantha when I was visiting the American Museum of Natural History back in June. She didn't fit it first but she's ready to barf all over it now. Good times!

I said it before, but: If those things came in adult sizes then we could be matchies. I love the spacesuit onesie. A lot.

* I mean the onesie. What did you think I meant?

The Things They Carried: 1066 to 2014

Photo essay of soldier's kit inventory (aka "battle rattle") from 1066 to modern times, from the Telegraph. Interesting, if you're into that sort of thing.

That's a hell of a lof of crap to haul around. The modern gear is very sophisticated but what amazes me is that the loadout from 1588(!!) maps very well to the loadout from 2014. Firearm and related accessories, backup to the firearm, clothes, and food kit. (The 2014 loadout is from a Sapper, or EOD guy, and most of his gear is unique to his role.)

I've Been Away

I was out of town for a week of training in the middle of Long Island, NY. I say 'the middle' because Long Island has desirable real estate at both ends: NYC on end, and the Hamptons on the other. So the property in the middle of the "island" is... less desirable. It's the part you drive through. Or fly over, if you're private-helicopter rich. Think of it as the Long Island equivalent of the flyover states.

In celebration of my return here's another old picture of David Letterman in a sweet ass UCSB shirt. I would actually pay for one of those. And wear it.

Lots to catch up on so I'll get to it as time allows.

31 July 2014

Ruby in Motion

Just when you thought things couldn't get any cuter over here, we raised the stakes. Here's Miss Ruby showing off her water-chasing skillz.

Pups is sooooooo cuuuuuuuuuute. 

30 July 2014


Figs are Yummy
I live in kind of a dumpy apartment complex. The inside of my apartment is okay but the surrounding neighborhood is mildly sketchy. Fine for me but if I were married or had kids I would not live here.

The adjacent property is home to a straight up mini-slum of rental units in terrible shape. It's a dump. But they do have a fig tree, which I pillage at every opportunity. I try and do it on the sly because I don't want to share them with any other neighbors but for the most part I don't think anyone notices besides the June bugs and birds.

Anyway, that's the tree in the adjacent yard / junk disposal area. Imagine you're standing in an alley / driveway / parking lot and there in the yard of the dump next door is this fig tree with all these delicious ripe figs. It's... kind of awesome. Urban foraging FTW.

It's Dark and I'm Trying to Read

If I had kids and I was teaching them to read I would probably not start with this. I would be sorely tempted, but I would not. Probably. 

(Blog title for today is an allusion to one of my all time favorite album titles: It's Dark and Hell is Hot)

29 July 2014

Once Upon a Time

You had me at mermaids and tattoos.

Go here for the full story and enjoy.

Big News In Small Things: Mini-Newbs

Continuing with recent themes: friend of the blog Ze Newbs welcomed his baby boy into the world on Sunday, 27 July. Mom and baby are doing very well. Welcome Mini-Newbs!

I like to buy themed onesies for the kids. Last one I bought was a spacesuit onesie for Baby Samantha at the 'Murrican Museum of Natural History. It was awesome. I wanted one for me. If those things came in adult sizes we could have been matchies.

Not sure what I'm going to get Mini-Newbs yet. Probably a Giants onesie, preferably in the pattern and colors of the Giants home unis. (Best uniforms in Major League Baseball.) Possibly a 49er onesie. Those things are the cutest. Possibly both. Onesies are my favorite.

Big congrats to Mr. and Mrs. Ze Newbs.

27 July 2014

Hellz Yeah

If this movie delivers on the promise of the trailer then I will be super pumped to the Max. (HONK!)

Couldn't help it. Loved the original Mad Max when I was a kid and I think Tom Hardy is mostly great (aside from Bane - that kind of sucked, but not his fault).

I've Been There

Every Club, Ever
When divergent branches on the great evolutionary tree evolve similar behaviors it is called 'convergent evolution'. You're welcome.

(Hat tip to Ruby's Dad.)

26 July 2014

Hug it Out

Spent some Quality Time with my four-legged friends Roxy (pictured) and Brutus yesterday at Ryan's house. It's cool that Ryan answers the phone and lets me in to play with the dogs. I guess I also hang out with Ryan but, uhh, it's not as important as the dogs.

There's always a lot of man talk (girls, guns, motorcycles). I brought a suitcase of PBR, if that's any guide. But in between man talk I catch up with the pups. It gets no better. We didn't finish the projects we were working on so he said I could come back next week. Exactly as planned....

25 July 2014

Dad Jokes are Good for You

I'm fond of Dad Jokes. I've taken to calling any corny joke a Dad Joke, so maybe I just love corny jokes. Who cares?

Want some pointers? 

24 July 2014

Not Mine

Happy Baby is Happy
Told you it was all puppies and babies, babies and puppies. This is Samantha. She got a lot more interesting in the past couple weeks because she can look around and smile now. Interactive baby. Also she's learning new things, like she 'found her feet'. Apparently babies do that. One day, no idea where they are, next day they're in your mouth because hey, why not? She was practicing her rollovers (another thing babies learn) and I got this action shot. You're welcome.

23 July 2014

Read It

The New Yorker is putting up a paywall. Smart business, I guess. Slate has a list of what you should read before you have to get out your wallet. Because I'm a boring pretentious dick avid reader I have already read most of them. Here are my favorites, as copied from the Slate article:

Getting Bin Laden,” Aug. 8, 2011. This moment-by-moment account of the mission to get Osama Bin Laden, written by Nicholas Schmidle, is every bit as thrilling as Zero Dark Thirty, and much more rigorously fact-checked.

Taken,” Aug. 12, 2013. Sarah Stillman’s reporting illuminates an appalling, pervasive practice that you won’t believe actually exists. // I think I wrote a blog post about this one already but I'm too lazy to look it up. This article is by turns shocking, depressing, and terrifying. Small town, small time 'Murrica at its worst.

The Apostate,” Feb. 14, 2011. Lawrence Wright’s heavily vetted and fact-checked reporting on the Church of Scientology, which later evolved into the book Going Clear, offers a rare look into the notoriously secretive organization.

Trial By Fire,” Sept. 7, 2009. David Grann’s gripping story demonstrated that by executing Cameron Todd Willingham for the murder of his family, the state of Texas may very well have killed an innocent man. // David Grann, along with William Langewiesche, is one of the best long-form reporters in the world. His reporting on Cameron Todd Willingham is one of the reasons why.

While we're on the subject of William Langewiesche, read this if you haven't already: The World in Its Extreme. And if you feel like reading a gripping account of a horrible tragedy that will almost certainly give you nightmares, try A Sea Story.

A Loaded Gun,” Feb. 11, 2013. In this thorough and troubling crime story, Patrick Radden Keefe examines the life of Amy Bishop, who killed six of her colleagues in a mass shooting, and 25 years ago, may have killed her brother, too.// May have? That's being generous. 

What I haven't read but plan to read next:
"God Knows Where I Am,” May 30, 2011. Rachel Aviv’s look at mental health patients who reject their psychiatric diagnoses is smart and heartbreaking in equal measures.

That should keep you briefly entertained. Notably absent from the slate list: anything from Malcolm Gladwell.

Okay then. 

Don't Fight It

Dat Nose Tho!
Lately the blog is puppies and babies, babies and puppies. I don't know how we got here, because I have neither one of those things. It's not that I don't love puppies (so much) and babies (enh, not as much as puppies, but they're growing on me) - it's just that I'm more of a guns and motorcycles type of guy. Yeah we're shopping motorcycles again. It's a Thing. There's only so long you can go without owning a bike. I experience maturity differently than most people, and by 'differently' I mean 'infrequently, for short durations'.

Anyway, this is Ruby again, showing off her cuteness for the camera. Don't even try and deny how cute she is. Everyone needs more of this in their life. I'm scheduled to spend some time with Brutus tomorrow and I hope that guy is looking forward to some hugs. SO MANY HUGZ. I've been looking forward to it all week. Roxy gets a little jealous but there are plenty of hugz to go around. So yeah, we love the pups in this space.

Ruby is turning out to be quite the high achiever. So far she's doing very well with her training and is a quick learner. She's not into her hell-raising adolescence yet but those days are coming. She's going to chew all the chewables. Can't wait.

18 July 2014

Sorry Bro

I don't play NBA2K but I have a pretty good idea what the Sprite Cam is, and this made me laugh.

When my friend Jimmy used to come over to play Madden the rule was that anyone who didn't skip the replay on a big play was a dick and would probably get yelled at. Harsh words were exchanged. It's fine that you scored on a long touchdown to Calvin Johnson (again), but I don't want to see it two times in a row.

16 July 2014


Image Courtesy FIVETHIRTYEIGHT (all rights reserved)
Great article on fivethirtyeight.com about Messi and his work rate during the World Cup.

tl;dr: -  He wasn't tired; he ran the least compared to all other outfield players (!!) but his production was still excellent. The data supports it, but anecdotally all you need to know is Argentina scored 8 goals in total, and Messi scored four and assisted on two more. Without him they don't even make it past the round of 16, and maybe not even out of their group.

No Pressure

This from Big Cheese, who is a nurse and married to a doctor. That's Baby Lucy in a dr's outfit. It's good to set expectations early.

14 July 2014

For All That It Meant and All That It Didn't Mean

The great Brian Philips writes about the World Cup. Looking at old pictures of my friends I feel the same way. He says:

Something I’ve noticed since I entered my mid-thirties is that no one ever looks the right age anymore. When I see friends I’ve known for years, they’re always a little older than I expect, a little different from the images I’m carrying around in my head. But when I see old pictures of them, pictures from the time when those mental images ought to originate, they look astoundingly, impossibly young. No one was ever as young as they look. They look like elves with goofy hair. So what am I picturing when I think of them? Something that never really existed, probably. Something both finished and unfinished, a story I’ve told myself. We tell ourselves stories to make time bearable. But the World Cup is over now, for all that it meant and all that it didn’t mean.

Great end to a great tournament. See you you in 2018.