Clean it Up

Long time readers will know that I split my exercise time flexing with my shirt off at the local yoga studio and crossfit gym. I feel like I get more out of the workouts when I kick them around with someone afterwards, especially the yoga. However, I don't have regular peeps at yoga so there's no easy way for me to do a debrief. If only there were some kind of an outlet to express my experiences... Oh, hey! What's up?

Couple weeks ago a guy at the yoga studio set a new personal hygiene low (since surpassed) after class. My habit is to duck into a bathroom stall to change out of my sweaties after class. There are changing areas but those are always busy. The Men's is quick and usually available because the classes are only about 20% male, if that. Note that the men's room has two sinks, and it's not a big space. Just big enough, but if two guys are standing at the sinks they are in very close proximity. (This detail becomes important later.)

I exited the stall to see a pile of sweaty clothes in one of the sinks. There wasn't anyone in the immediate vicinity so I left the disgusting pile where it was. I don't have anything against being a gross sweaty mess per se, but it is your obligation to try and corral it as much as possible, display a sensitivity to the other students that might not want to get involved in your mess. Putting your ass-sweated shorts in the sink where we wash our hands does not display the requisite sensitivity. One man's opinion.

Fast forward to this past Sunday. After class was over I did the same thing: changed in a stall, exited to wash my hands, as per usual. Upon exiting the stall I was assaulted by the sight of a naked, furry fat man putting his sweaty clothes into the sink. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I guess it's cool to get naked, put your clothes in the sink and hang out (pun intended) after class. News to me. Why change in a towel? Too much effort. Why change in a stall? Enh, didn't feel like waiting the 30 seconds. I had to step around him just to wash my hands, a prospect made less appealing by his naked sweatyness and his pile of sweaty clothes in the other sink. If it's more gross to have to go in the bathroom and wash your hands than it is to just leave with your sweaty post-yoga germ hands intact then something is very wrong.

In the context of a locker room the full naked sink visit is fairly typical. In the context of using the men's room it's fucking horrible. I gather that one could infer some overlap based on the setting, but not so much overlap that you would strip naked and stand in front of the goddamn sink like an overweight silverback gorilla. Dear Sir: Do the universe us a favor and put a towel on. Please.

See you Sunday!

GIVE ME ALL THE TOYZ

OHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOY

A lot to love about this. Is it excitement? Is it fear? Sensory overload? Some combination of the above?

It's not often you see dreams come true.

Reese the Best Dog Ever was famous for, among other things, opening gifts and packages. You never saw someone without opposable thumbs open anything so adroitly. She would attack and shred cardboard, packing material, tissue paper, ribbon, plastic, whatever. Any box she could reach was fair game because there was usually a prize inside. The mess was considerable but the payoff was worth it.

One time she got impatient while waiting for me to open a birthday present and she pawed at it in frustration, gave me a fat lip. My bad. I let her open it while my lip swelled. Didn't make that mistake again. Lesson learned.

Nerd Follow Up

Mine is Almost Entirely Useless Trivia and SciFi References

This image is a nice follow-up to the Ender's Game post. Synergy.

In related news, I went out and tried to socialize a bit this weekend. It went about as well as can be expected. Which is to say, not well at all. Baby steps.

Casual social skills are perishable. Something to work on, I guess. Is there a crossfit workout for that?

They Made a Movie

If you're a man of a certain age (born between 1970 and 1978) and you read books as a young person then it's likely that you read / were exposed to / were assigned the excellent Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card. The book is famous in SciFi circles for several reasons, not least of which is that, like the hit-and-miss Harry Potter series, it pulled in a lot of young people (mostly boys) that weren't otherwise inclined to read. Even people that don't 'like to read' managed to finish the book; it was a gateway drug for future nerd addicts.

Full disclosure: I was already on board (captain of?) the Nerd Express by 1985, so this book was just something to obsess over while I matured into my impressive/debilitating peak-level social awkwardness. 

The book is also known in part because the author is a devout Moron Mormon, which is shorthand for closed-minded, religious fundamentalist asshat (yeah I said it - I'll stop saying it when it's no longer true). So: one of my least favorite types of people wrote what was, for a long time, my favorite book.*

The movie looks formulaic in 2013, but the book was all kinds of awesome in 1985. Not sure how they'll handle the brutal violence between the children. Battle Royale Hunger Games took that issue mainstream but Jennifer Hudson is 21 or 22 playing 17ish in that series; she will be in her real-life mid 20's by the time it's over. At the start of Ender's Game the protagonist is 6 years old. It appears he's quite a bit older in the movie, which probably has the die-hards foaming at the mouth but enabled them to actually get the movie made. Cast is A-list, so that's something.

In any case, I'm looking forward to it. If it's any good I'll see it more than once. And re-read the book. Speaking of which, my copy was lost - can I borrow yours?



* I learned later from an industry insider that Card was regularly rejected for awards within the SciFi community because of his religious views, which: lame.

This is How You Get Down

This song is a remix from a couple years ago. I tried to post it when it was the new hotness but couldn't find a decent version online. Heard it masterfully incorporated into a mix and tracked it down. It starts at 1 hr 13 mins if you want to go straight there.

Props to Big Cheese for the sweet jamz. Again.

Flipping a coin would have been easier (also cheaper)

Sooo the guy responsible for creating and selling fake bomb detectors is going to jail. The good news is that at least they weren't based on ridiculous 'golf ball finders'. That would have been too stupid to believe. Wait, what?

Shit.

Well, at least they weren't expensive. Those golf ball finders were a ripoff at $19. Imagine paying tens of thousands of dollars for a scam device that didn't work - wait, hang on... it says here:

7,000 devices under the ADE brand to the Iraqi government and other international agencies for prices ranging from $2,500 per unit to $30,000, when they cost less than $50.

Shit.

The good news is that they weren't widely used in dangerous areas so no lives were lost. Whoa... hold the phone! The New York Times says:

The suicide bombers who managed to get two tons of explosives into downtown Baghdad on Oct. 25, killing 155 people and destroying three ministries, had to pass at least one checkpoint where the ADE 651 is typically deployed, judging from surveillance videos released by Baghdad’s provincial governor.

Hmmm... That is a lot of people to blow up with one bomb. And, umm, 4000 lbs of explosives is a lot. Like, a lot.

Shit.

Good thing they didn't buy very many of these (useless, expensive) devices. Must be an isolated case. What's that? The Iraqi army bought thousands of them? Wait, did you say thousands? Oh.

Shit.

Well, at least they didn't spend a lot of money. What's that? $122 million, according to the Guardian?

That IS a lot of money.

Shit. 

Well, at least they aren't still being used. Wait, what's that? They're still in use in some areas?

Shit.

There's a promotional video? Sounds promising. Let's go to the tape:




Seems legit. It's got an extendable antenna and also it plugs into something.

Can you imagine if you're a US soldier stuck in a place where people are trying to kill you and you have to work with people that believe this nonsense? How would you even get up in the morning?

Shit. 

Good Luck with That

This is on the outside west wall of Westminster Abbey. I was going through some photos and found it on my camera. The camera is probably overdue for a purge.

I'm an atheist but I appreciated the economy of phrase.

Arm Balance Workshop: Yogaworks

I just completed my arm balance workshop at the local Yogaworks. Enh, 'completed' is maybe a bit much. I walked out early, which is gauche. Not too early, but still: before it was finished.

So: My first workshop. Goal was to learn some new arm balances. Stretch goal was to maybe meet some new people, since I go to yoga often but never meet anyone. Which is fine, but if there's an opportunity then maybe that would be nice. Or something.

Couple things going in that became relevant later on: I should have eaten more food before the class. It was at an odd time (1 PM), so usually my lunch. Also, I underestimated how long three hours actually is. To be clear: its a really fucking long time to do yoga even if you have a good instructor and the class is well paced. Our teacher was okay, but I didn't like the pace.

Since class was 2x as long as a usual class, I should have brought 2x as many towels. It makes sense in hindsight.

Teacher was very small, athletic type: maybe 5' 5" tall, 90 lbs, very skinny. Felt like she was kind of into herself. Which, I get it, I'm into me too, in a self-hating sort of way, so I make allowances. And yet...

She was also into how awesome her yoga practice is. And she does have a very strong practice. But if you're 5' 5" and weigh 90 lbs and are very flexible: no shit. She was probably skinny before she ever started doing yoga. She said that she had gained a lot of 'strength' from her practice. What she meant was her strength-to-weight ratio had improved, which is not the same thing, and it bugs me when people get that stuff confused. Because people are built differently, and what is possible for the teacher, or me, or you, might vary wildly, especially if you aren't shaped like a stick figure. Recognizing this variability, and teaching accordingly, is important.

Anyway, class starts and we do an intro. 1/3 of the people's goal for the class is to 'do a handstand away from the wall'. What the fuck people! If you want to do a handstand without the wall, the trick is to do a handstand... AWAY FROM THE WALL. Crazy, right? You don't need a workshop for that. You need to practice without the wall. How do you not know this? Not much to talk about - you can either do it or you can't. It's possible you suck at handstands or have never gotten good instruction. The wall is irrelevant. Learn how not to eat shit if you kick over too far. If that is beyond you, forget about doing a real unaided handstand. But I digress.

So we do the thing and it goes on and on. I sweat a lot. Like, more than you can imagine. Usually it's not so bad, but class goes and goes and I keep sweating, and after a while my towels are all completely soaked through, and the sweat is pooling adjacent to my mat. Everything I touch is soaked through, sweat is streaming off my shorts. I'm sweaty, is what I mean.

The arm balances were good, as far as it goes. The instructor's strategy was okay, but the class as a group can't do most of the stuff she demo'd. You'd think we would go over a lot of the biomechanics of how to get into a handstand away from the wall (see above), but instead we practiced how to pike into handstand, which exactly zero students could do. Useful? Not so much. It's not a matter of practice, it's a matter of looking at the students and realizing that it's not fucking happening, not today, and probably not ever, so maybe we should practice something else. Eventually we did.

We move on and spend a lot of time on core work, which is key for balancing. Then it's a mix of core and balances. It was okay, although the pace was inconsistent and not enough effort was made to help individual students. We also did some partner work, which I loathe. No one wants to get near me because I'm such a sweaty mess, and I don't blame them.

Another point: people that are very good at something often make poor teachers because it comes naturally to them. This teacher had a massive disconnect between telling us what to do (bring your hands down and pick your feet up) and how to do it. Doing a good demo is less important than describing how to align everything, especially in arm balances and inversions. Where are your hips? Your knees? What is your core doing? The teacher covered some of this but not nearly enough. I attribute this to her natural ability. She never had to think about it so simple explanations suffice. Or maybe that's her teaching style.

I wanted to finish the class but I became so frustrated with sitting in my sweat puddle that after 2.5 hours I packed up and walked out. Trying to do poses on a slippery mat/towel is difficult at best, dangerous at worst. The teacher thought I was tired. I'm not tired. My 20 minute crossfit workout yesterday was more challenging.* I created my own personal swamp and couldn't take it any more. Next time: more towels. Like, a lot more.

All workshops are different, and this was a good experience, even with all the stuff I mentioned above. If I had enough towels to clean up my space I could have gotten through it, so that's a lesson learned. As for the teacher, her style wasn't my favorite but it was still worthwhile.

Now, who wants to practice handstands?

*20:15 if you're keeping score. Only 155 lb deadlift though (back issues), and regular jump rope with 3x the reps.

The Crib

Looks like a nice place to put your head down after a long quest.

Speaking of quests, Ze Newbs writes that he was one of the readers distinctly unimpressed with Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell in book form.  I understand. But it could make for good television.

Crazy Breeds Crazy

It turns out that the murderous bastards that attacked the Boston Marathon were motivated in part by crazy, ridiculous conspiracy theories.

Their parents believe they are innocent of all charges because, wait for it... it's all a conspiracy!

It makes a lot of sense, if you think about it. It's much easier to blame someone else for your progeny's awful behavior than it is to accept a difficult truth. So: here we are. Ugh.

Babel-ing: Lovers Eyes

The not-new-any-more Mumford and Sons album is uneven. Some great songs, some meh songs. This is a great one. It's a live version from I heart Radio or whatever. I got to see Mumford and Sons perform twice last year and it was awesome. I mean that literally: inspiring awe. If you like the music you should do it. I can't deal with crowds very well in my old age, but it's worth it. I promise.

The other great one was featured last year, although they took it down.

Gear Loadout - Tactical Response Fighting Pistol

There are many like it but this one isn't mine

Spent some time last week doing some training with Tactical Response. I took their Fighting Pistol class and quite liked it. Learned a lot, go to do some cool stuff, had a good time.* Wrote a lengthy After Action Report, some of which I may post here later, but in the interest of space and limited readership appeal here's an excerpt.

It's a summary of the gear I used during the course. I wrote it in part to satirize the breathless wanking that frequently accompanies gear commentary on the intertubez. There is a huge emphasis on gear over other, more useful/practical elements, such as mindset and physical fitness. One (very nice) guy in my class was 100 lbs. overweight and wore the same pricey "tactical" pullover two days in a row, in two different colors. Dude, sweet shirt (in both colors), but how about adjusting priorities and spending some of that money on a nutrition program? It will help every aspect of your life, including your shooting. That second pullover? Not so much.

(I don't know if the same thing happens in other hobbies, like golf, but given how much advertising I see for golf clubs and related accessories, my guess is that it does. The funny thing is that the best way to be a better golfer / shooter / skier / whatever is to practice. But practice is hard, and buying crap is easy. I should know because I make the same mistake.)

My loadout for Fighting Pistol with Tactical Response: 

• Super sweet Solomon hiking shoes (saw Haley wear them on youtubez, you know I bought that shit immediately - did you know Zappos sold tactical gear? You do now.)
• REI cargo pants that I got on sale; they cost 1/10th as much as my Crye Precision All-Weather Field Pants but performed just as well. There's a lesson there, but fuck that noise 'cause I'm not hearing it.
• Ares Gear Ranger belt (this belt is actually the shit; no joke)
• Cane and Derby OWB holster with hardware that I neglected to loc-tite so one of the screws backed out (I am an idiot) – it finished the class without issue, with a Comp-Tac dual mag holder (good kit).
• HK45 (overcompensating because I have a small penis, but thankfully large enough not to buy a .40) 
• XS big dots, because YEAGER!!!!!111!!!11!1
• Youth-medium sized t-shirt because I like to show off my guns at the range (see what I did there? HONK!)
• “Dead bird” hat (too tacticool to call it Arc’Teryx) with USA flag patch because I fucking love  America (not even kind of joking about loving America)
• Enough tactical SPF 70 sunscreen for all of DevGru; the sun is a bitch, yo. 

* During intros we mentioned what we did for a living and I said I solved computer problems. After a couple hours on the line an instructor (Yeager) stopped behind me and said, "Nice shooting, geek." I laughed.

Greek Salad

I was in a fraternity but the greek system at my school was only about 15% of the student population. Which is to say, rather small.

It's a bigger deal at other schools, and it prompts letters like this one, which I found hilarious. It was written by a member of a "lower-tier, very awkward" sorority that set up an event with a "pretty good" frat.* She writes (in part):


I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the Greek community, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. 

----
I laughed because it's true.




 * I keep typing 'frat' as 'fart', which probably says more about my experience than any story I could tell.

Good News (for a narrow subset of people)

One of my all time favorite books has been picked up by the BBC so that they can turn it into a minseries.

Says the Paper of Record:

To a television lineup that includes time-traveling adventures and clone-related intrigues, BBC America is adding a little magic. That network and its British sibling, the BBC, said on Monday that they would produce a television adaptation of Susanna Clarke’s best-selling novel, “Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell,” which would be shown as a mini-series in 2014.

--

This is probably not going to be terrible, and it might be really great. Because the book was really great. Although many (all?) of the people to whom I recommended it didn't like it as much as I did. Philistines.

Politics Alert!! (Apologies in Advance) THINK OF THE CHILDREN

Big vote on gun control legislation today. I made the mistake of listening to the White House Press Briefing. It used to give me apoplexy back when W was in charge (and I use that word very loosely) so today was a pleasant jaunt down memory lane.

In his daily press brief the White House Press Secretary just drew a straight line from Newtown and Aurora to the background check bill currently sitting in the Senate. Specifically: "A vote against the bill is a vote against the people grieving in Newtown, and the people still grieving in Aurora." Wait, what? So I either support the bill or I approve of killing children and innocents? I'm not strictly opposed to gun legislation that makes sense, but if that's how they're going to frame it then they can get f*cked.

Bullshit rhetoric is bullshit.

Sometimes even the village idiots get it right. For example, Rand Paul, who is an embarrassment to sentient humanity in general and his party in particular, accused the president of using the Newtown families as 'props'. Which is horrible, but also true. No one gives a damn about the kids getting shot in Chicago on the regular but if 21 white kids get shot by a sociopath we have to make new laws for 320 million people immediately if not sooner. Except: No. 

In related news, the proposed legislation would have had no impact on the Newtown shooting, nor will it help the kids in Chicago. So what is the point of it, exactly?

Not Much

No news on this end. It can't all be stories of my ineptitude.
Enh, I guess it could, but I'd rather not.

I'm looking forward to when they catch up with the bastard(s) that set off bombs at the Boston Marathon. The sooner they are caught, the sooner they (and their cowardly ilk) can be removed from circulation and squashed, like cockroaches.

Civilian targets? At the Boston fucking Marathon? Wow. Just: wow. 

Kind of a Big Deal

Irv

My writeup of Irv and his inspiring effort last Friday made the blog for our gym space. You can read that writeup here: http://www.crossfitbalboa.com/2013/04/self-discovery-and-triumph/


Not much new information is added, although BenOS (pronounced Ben-oh-ess, which is easy enough for any windows OS geeks to remember).


I had posted a link to the writeup for BenOS* to read and he liked it enough to share. So that's fun.

Yoga storytime:

Before yoga class starts there are a few minutes when everyone is getting their mats out, doing some stretching, placing water bottles and towels, chatting, etc. Some people take the opportunity to do some early warmup, or work on a pose they want to try later. Handstands are popular, but doing a handstand in the middle of a crowded room is kind of aggressive and/or douchey. I call them 'statement handstands', because it's very look-at-me. In yesterdays class a d-bag in the front row went for a statement handstand but crashed into the wall when he tipped over. It looked like he hurt his foot; his pride was sorely wounded. Ahhh what a douche.

I know exactly how he felt because it was me. It was embarrassing and also funny. Seemed like a good idea at the time. The girls that were near me didn't make fun of me at all, although I hope they had a good laugh about it after class. I did, although it makes me blush to tell the story.

Chances of me attempting the same thing at tomorrow's yoga class are fixed at 100%. Some people never learn. And my toes don't hurt any more; it was a glancing blow. Note to self: don't try to save it next time. Just let go. And move away from, or closer to, the wall. Intermediate distances are no bueno.


 



* I use nicknames on the blog because they are easier to remember and also more fun.  Also they are unique: There are many Scott's in this world, but only one Spud. Anyway, BenOS's (say: Ben-oh-esses) is funny mostly because he has a hyphenated last name that starts with the letters... wait for it... O and S.  When I asked him how that came to be, he said (actual quote), "Because my dad is a pussy."