Nice Clothes, Lame Copy: Why I Won't Wear Triple Aught Design

Triple Aught Design is a company based in San Francisco that apparently makes some pretty cool gear. It is well designed, form follows function, low profile and (as far as I can tell) well made.

I refuse to wear it.

Their marketing copy reads like something out of a J. Peterman / Dynamic Pie Concepts wet dream. For example:

"Encountering a cold front mid-mission requires preemptive plans for being properly prepared and the right performance tools at your disposal to ensure success."

What the fuck? Maybe I'm cherry picking - let's try another one, this time for pants:

"This quick drying, packable, lightweight 100% nylon fabric ensures that you can move seamlessly through multiple environments, endure changing climates and easily transition to water-based missions."

Nope. Water-based missions? The fuck are you talking about? It goes on in this vein for most of their products. It's ridiculous, which is too bad because the clothes are right in my wheelhouse.

Thing is: I don't go on water-based missions or encounter cold fronts mid-mission. I just, you know, do shit. Often outside, usually with a firearm, sometimes in the rain or changing weather, and always in some type of multi-purpose clothing, a combination of Crye Precision / Arc'Teryx / Icebreaker.

People I know that actually do go on 'water-based' missions would never, ever talk like that about clothes. TAD is marketing to people that live in some kind of weird dot MIL fantasyland. It's not a mission - it's a trip to the grocery and I want to stay dry. Or it's a long hike and it might get cold on the way there or the way back.

I'm all for situational awareness and being prepared but when do you cross the line into being a complete and utter yahoo? I think it's right around the time you start reading that copy from TAD and believe that it is sexy instead of just overwrought and ridiculous.