have you ever gone with the left?

note: todays blog has nothing to do with the title.

caught a little bit of david "that douchebag that [describe retarded stunt]" blaine on the teevee last night. he was sealed up in a salt-water bubble in the Lincoln Center in NYC for a week, and then he tried to hold his breath for 9 minutes. let's explore this for a few bullet points,

• I have a lot of repect for magicians that can perform difficult sleight-of-hand tricks, the kind where cards disappear, they take your money at three card monte, the shell game, etc. all that stuff is cool, and it takes a lot of practice. just sealing your dumb ass up in a bubble for a week is neither magic nor illusion. it's asinine. i'll bet Penn & Teller were unimpressed.
  
• blaine was voted biggest loser of 2003 (props to Sam for pointing this out already), beating out a politician, a contestant on the same series that spawned Michael Flatley/Riverdance, and the entire country of Australia (which I found hilarious).
  
• can you really be said to be holding your breath after you pass out and start having convulsions? I have a word to describe that: drowning. so the guy held his breath for a very long time and then lost control of himself. I have another word for that: stupid.
  
• Stuart Scott, what the eff are you doing announcing this event? are you a TV announcer? a sports journalist? or have you transcended "Boo-ya!" and become your own special sort of celebrity? you are already on the d-bag HOF fast track, bro. You can expect to join Chris Berman if you keep this up. I won't even mention your "column" in ESPN the Mag. it's beneath me.
  
• i wish I had audio of the breathless commentary from Boo-ya and the comments from D-bag after they woke him back up. he was crying, he thanked new york, and he made me want to kick him in his (probably very sensitive) nuts. I hope you saw it, and I hope you thought, damn, that guy needs to suck it up.
  
• d-bag blaine could have saved this entire stunt if he played Europe's "The Final Countdown" as they were dragging him out of that bubble. seriously, that would have made everything okay.
  

thanks for reading. I love you.
-c-