march of the mondays! (guest contributor)

this one comes from another guest contributor.
official FDV nickname: B-Real.
I know that's some mid-80's c-list rap guys nickname, but I think it's funny.
here you go:
--------------------------
March of the Mondays

The reasons your friend might want to avoid the
penguin are many. First off, and kinda shallow, is
that the lady beneath the penguin suit is patently
unattractive. Not passing judgement here, just
providing analysis. It just so happens that I, like
Thomas, the protagonist in the unbearable lightness of
being, actually prefer women with creative body shapes
and distinctive looks. That being said, if our
penguin friend was cute she would probably a) not be
playing the theme park circuit in the first place or
b) have secured a roll with a better respiratory
situation than that provided by the ‘guin. Read; snow
white, cinderella, any character sin full facial
coverage. Okay, not cute. Perhaps, like most of us,
simply average? If average, a fake mole and plastic
nose would be adequate to lock in, at minimum, a role
as the wicked witch or an evil stepmother. Alas, our
friend required not only a character with complete
face concealment but also one with a suit capable of
disguising her body as well.

Okay, looks aren’t everything, you say, and your
right. Well, our the penguin appears to be none too
sharp neither. Similar to casey’s sentiments about
the use of “we” and professional sports, I feel it
poor form for those employed in the “entertainment”
industry to drop quotes pilfered from movies regarding
office culture. Granted, office space is diabolically
and catastrophically funny and the “mondays” line was
given by a service industry employee “brian” (no
relation). Regardless, this irony is beyond the
capacities of our lady friend. But the dramatic irony
need not end there. Those of us (myself included) who
moonlight in the service industry, as a very condition
of employment have to work nights and weekends i.e.,
the times the rest of you paper-pushing nine-to-fivers
have off. As a result, the penguin can not even
relate to what “the mondays” would be like, as to her,
mondays represent a break from dressing up like a
jackass for the enjoyment of the spoiled brats of the
aforementioned paper-pushing nine-to-fivers. These
not so nuanced nuances appear to have just “slipped
through your [her] fingers”.

Now now, in her defense, perhaps she truly enjoys
rocking the burqa-esque ‘stume on the weekends which
allows her to spend her mondays at home, getting high
and watching office space for the seventy-ninth time.
Actually, now that I think about it, smoking some dope
and piling a chick in a head-to-toe penguin suit might
be just what the doctor ordered for my itchy new case
of the mondays.