the economics of stupidity

yeah you probably thought this post had something to do with politics, but it does not. instead, I'm offering you some insight into my own special brand of economics, which I've decided to call "case-onomics", or maybe "e-case-onomics". (i'm on the fence.) these tested techinques are guaranteed to waste your disposable income. trust me.

[unrelated aside: google searches for "money photo" and "money pic" should not, under any cirsumcstances, be confused w/ searches for "money shot". i mean it.]

in the last 18 months i've managed to throw away more money than I'd like to admit. It would have been more fun to blow it in vegas, but instead I've lost it in investments and good decisions. Not one to keep these superb maneuvers to myself, i'm here to share them with you.

Note that I'm leaving out any of the obvious stuff: no tips on running up CC debt and then paying the mininum every month. It's possible to kick your own financial ass without ever having to resort to such obviously bad choices. Here's some of my latest hot tips on wasting disposable income:

1. buy a condo on leased land. at the height of the market boom. make sure you get "creative" financing so that you can "get in the game". Be absolutely certain to get a douchebag of a realtor. - Nothing will nuke your little savings account faster than this combo. i could give you examples of my own losses but let's just say it's in the multiple tens of thousands of dollars. added bonus: you're upside down on your house, but also broke, because the payments are so high! it's a great way to both sabotage your savings and also keep you scouring the couch for loose change.
   
2. get a new cellphone plan, regardless of whether or not you like your old one. also, buy a new cellphone. nothing wrong with your old one? who cares! it's soooo last year. - be on the same network as your friends, just because.
   
3. cancel all magazine subscriptions and buy them at the newsstand - 60% off the cover price? that's for suckers! you can burn a fortune doing this stuff. and it adds up after a while.
   
4. cancel your cheap long-term gym membership and sign up again, but pay a high monthly fee. anything to keep fixed costs as high as possible - that's the secret to case-onomics.
   
5. Cancel your cheap, issue-free car insurance and sign up w/ Mercury insurance because they can "get you a better deal". best to read the fine print, because it's not true. they will f you, bu that's a fundamental of case-onomics: trusting someone else not to f you. (See item 1 re: realtors.) If you're lucky, you can spend an extra $80-100 month on car insurance. Think of it as your idiot tax. You're an idiot, so you pay extra. I know I do!
   

if you can come up with any sweet strategies of your own, please let me know. I think i'm just scratching the surface here. i've only implemented strategies 1 and 5, but I'm working on the rest. I promise. it's only a matter of time.