dogs dogs dogs

My friend is dogsitting. She says:
7 dogs is too many dogs.

San Onofre back online: Maybe four dates in 7 days was 3 too many

[photo credit some person on flickr. i would link to their profile but I lost it. oops.]

The Blind Date King had to rein in his love last week. It was too strong. The love won't power San Onofre any more. I don't think it will power a Toyota Prius.

I had posted a midweek update after he and Soulmates (as I'd taken to calling the girl) went on dates on back-to-back nights. He followed that up with a one day break, another date, a 2 day break, and another date. After a week and four dates the girl went on record, said it was too soon for her, let's take it slow. He was disappointed but took it well. Build a friendship, etc. and so forth.

He followed up the next day with a phone call. No response. Another phone call. No response. I guess by 'take it slow' she meant 'peace out'. Undeterred, he sent an email. [Ed. I was not in favor of the email. But the love was strong.] It was a paragraph chock full of sincerity and understanding. This is what he got in response:

Hope you are having a great day and week. We are slammed (once again at work). Talk to you later!

Super!

A study in brutal violence

Recently went to the bookstore and bought five books. A little light summer reading, and by 'light summer reading' I mean bleak descriptions of brutal violence. Except for one terrible choice they have been superb.

The terrible book had much promise. It was written by the guy that wrote Thank You for Smoking. I was hoping for more of that. Instead I got a book about a 28 year old PR girl that was "very good looking" and spent all her free time blogging. And having a career crisis. It was the anti-Nick Naylor. I didn't do enough pre-buying research and paid the price (about $16, not including tax).

The other books are all highly recommended, and are (coincidentally) very violent:

• Blood Meridian - A western classic from Cormac McCarthy. I had though that No Country or maybe The Road (see below) were his most violent work. I was wrong. This is a dense, heavy book of unspeakable violence and depravity. It is superb.
  
  
• Under the Banner of Heaven - Moving from fiction to nonfiction, another book about violence in the American west, this time courtesy of the Mormon (LDS) church and their numerous fundamentalist offshoots, generalized as the FLDS. The Mormons are having their crazyburgers with a side of psychosauce for SURE. Special highlight: did you know that the Mormon church had institutionalized racism (no black people allowed in the "priesthood") until 1978? This history of the church is a fascinating one, not least because there's a lot of conflict between the official, Mormon-sanctioned history and the, umm... how to put this... actual history.
  
  The Mormons are darlings of the political right in the US because they speak out against homosexuality, adultery, porn, etc. The good thing is they're just one divine revelation away from embracing any of those things (or all of them!). That's the fun part about that thing from '78: pre-78, black people bad! Post-78, black people good! Get them in!
  
  What changed? I don't know! Doesn't matter! It came from God!
  
  
• The Road - I had avoided this book for months because it was on Oprah's book club. That's a red (unread? honk!) flag but this book is actually pretty good. I don't think it's even as good as All the Pretty Horses, but it's the only McCarthy book I've ever read that has a positive ending. I think that's why people like it so much. Plus you can read it in one sitting (which I did).
  
  
• The Omnivore's Dilemma - I suggest you read this only if you eat.
  

Thanks for reading.
love you.

is that one word or two?

i got the following email from my co-worker today in re: her rental car.

---

From: Teh Awesome
Sent: Monday, June 23, 2008 8:27 AM
To: [me]
Subject: One word or two words?

MINIVAN!!!

just call me tank girl.

and if that's not enough...

Okay, some facts and figures.
From the New York Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/19/opinion/19thu1.html?scp=4&sq=oil+drilling&st=nyt

Offshore oil drilling as a metaphor for how dumb people are

(image courtesy flickr and the person that took them)

Lots of talk in the news about removing the ban on offshore oil drilling in the United States. Because gas is $4 a gallon. Leaving out my feelings for the main cause of this challenge (destabilizing wars - justified by false 'intelligence' - prosecuted by people with strong ties to the oil industry), the notion that increasing supply will somehow bring the price down does not take all the economic factors into account. Nor does it take the deleterious effect that runaway fossil-fuel consumption has on the world as a whole. But that's another post. Let's talk offshore oil drilling in the US...

Since coastal states represent a small fraction of the total here in the US and since such drilling would seem to help the entire country, there's a lot of push for it. It's the tragedy of the commons on a grand scale. It's also really fucking stupid. Instead of explaining why by using zany facts and statistics, I'm going to use a parable. Like Jesus.

Imagine you have a savings account full of money. You don't know what the balance is, but it's a lot. It is virtually guaranteed to last you the next 30 years, regardless of how you spend it. The problem is that you cannot make any deposits to the account; whatever you take out can never be replaced.

How you manage the money is up to you. Spend it as much and as fast as you can, or try to curtail spending so that your children, and your children's children, can also take advantage of the finite resource. Open additional draws on the account, spend lavishly, whatever. It's your money.

When the money runs out (and it will run out), how much you are affected depends on how you managed your account. Are you dependent on the money, or can you live comfortably without it?

If a team loses and I don't pay attention, is it still disappointing?

Ahh, the zen koan of sports as modern escapism.

Was there a basketball game on last night? I didn't notice. I heard the Lakers flight didn't make it to Boston. What, they lost by 40? Oh. Same thing, then.

In other news, I'd like to congratulate the Lakers on losing to a team that got stretched to 7 games by the Atlanta Hawks. Barf.

Soccer, football, whatever

Was introduced to a website where you can build your own font. I don't have the patience, but it's a cool toy. Go here: http://fontstruct.fontshop.com/ and get involved.

The Lakers shit the bed. I don't want to talk about it.

Euro 2008 is going on. It's nice to have some quality international soccer to watch between world cups. Because nothing says summer like rampant nationalism. And hot girls trying to get themselves on international TV by being hot. And foreign.

The Killer

The Bo clip got me thinking about some other old time rock & roll, and I remembered I had seen a video of Jerry Lee Lewis years ago. Youtube makes all things possible (it's like the Jesus of video) so here it is. Lewis was ahead of his time (just ask R. Kelley) but he knew how to kick some ass onstage.

xbox returns: loneliness temporarily assuaged

The xbox made a triumphant return earlier this week. It's nice to have a the time waster back in the crib. In related news: I'm a dork.

Oddly, the xbox didn't distract me as much as it used to. I felt like I needed to do something more useful with my time (read, play guitar, study). Weird.

The meta nerd-within-nerd reference etch a sketch is courtesy the etch-a-sketchist. Because I know someone that used to work with him. (really)

witness: Rock and F*cking Roll

Bo Diddley passed away a couple weeks ago. If you were wondering why that's a big deal you can look him up on wikipedia or whatever. But if you want the short version of why he's a legend, watch the video above. Bo knows how to rock out. Turn up the amp and go for it. That's what I'm talking about. F*ck yeah.

Let's take things to the previous level

someecards is great. I know we've talked about this before. So what? We can do it again. Get over there and send a card to someone you care about (or just someone you know) immediately if not sooner.

They have cards for breakups ("you're not mentally and emotionally damaged enough for me"), reminders ("your cooking sucks shit") and friendship ("if you ever disappeared while hiking, I'd remain with the search party until it started raining").

James Blunt: Funnier in person

I got to thinking about cheesy songs, and it gets no cheesier than James Blunt. To his credit, he seems like a personable guy in interviews. He doesn't take himself too seriously, and he's got a dry sense of humor.

My favorite:
(host): You make fun of your own songs during shows?
James Blunt: Have you heard them?

party of one

I already mentioned that the last two of my single friends are settling down. One hasn't been single for quite some time (that's him in the youtube video), but he hangs out.

The other guy, the King of Blind Dates [note: that's mr. special order in the photo for the blind dates post, but it wasn't him that went on the date] met a girl out and about and now he's in love, too. For f's sake. He had his first date on Sunday. Followed that up with date on Monday. Back to back date night? Is that legal? Next date is already on the calendar.

He's so in love that I heard they're shutting down the nukes at San Onofre; they can use his hi-strenf love to run the place instead. He's like the hulk, but instead of "Hulk smash, grrrrrrr!" it's more "Hulk loooooove... strong... yet tenderrrrrrrrrrr!"

So the dudes were busy last night, left me with even less to do than usual. I said "fuck you both, I'm taking myself out on a date."

I walked over to the mall, bought some books at the bookstore, had dinner. Party of one; I made it look good though. After that I walked home, took a jacuzzi, then worked out a (bad) song to play on the guitar w/ music and lyrics by yours truly. If there had been a girl there it would have been a good date. Even with the cheesy guitar. Instead I had to settle for my own company. Which, to be fair, is superb. ish. Superb-ish.

soul mates, babies, wii vs. xbox360

Big news this weekend: my friend James is getting a wii. I've been on his case about joining the digital age for quite a while now. He refuses to buck up and spring for the xbox or PS3. But his birfday is coming up and his in-laws thought the wii would be the coolest thing ever. Can't wait to ruin him on wii tennis.

Oh and also he and his wife found out they are having a baby girl, due this Christmas. So that's cool. But yeah, the wii!

In related news, my repaired xbox is slated to arrive this week. I'm glad it's coming back fixed, but also mildly depressed about how much I've missed it. it says something about my life and not something good. I guess I'll have to make myself feel better by shooting people over the intarnets.

If the Red Sox sign Barry Bonds I will buy a Giants hat, get boner

My feelings about Barry Bonds are well documented. Search the blog for Barry Bonds if you need a review. Go ahead, I'll wait.

There are rumors swirling that the Red Sox might sign Bonds because their DH-extraordinaire is on the DL. Bonds is out there, doing nothing much, and he's still really good at hitting a baseball. Not as good as last year, and not as good as Ortiz, but much better than anyone else that's out there waiting for the phone to ring. Like, a lot better. In fact, he's better than a lot of players that are currently on rosters. The guy hit 28 home runs last year in 340 at bats (that = good).

Anyway, he would be a great DH for a team in need, even though he's lost a step and has trouble getting around on an inside fastball (who doesn't?). There is some downside. Bonds comes with, umm, baggage. To which I say: Fuck. That. Shit. He's a dick but who cares? If he will help you win, you sign him to an incentive-laden deal. He only gets paid if he produces and you win. If not, you cut your losses. This is business.

dak over on FJM wrote a superb crush letter to Theo Epstein cleverly disguised as a pro-Bonds missive. I laughed. Here's an excerpt:
---------------------
What are the other possible cons? The media circus? Even if you believe that the scrutiny of the media can actually affect the team, you'll remember that the Red Sox have performed for decades under what is generally considered the largest, most warped magnified [sic] glass in all of sports journalism. Hard to imagine Youkilis's OPS taking a nosedive if he has to answer questions about the size of Bonds's clubhouse recliner (which, by the way, should be five of the largest recliners available at Jordan's furniture fused together to form a Voltron-like megarecliner).

I bet our moms would like each other.
------------------------
super.
If the Sox sign Bonds I will be pumped but I won't buy a Red Sox cap because I'm not queer. I'll get a Giants hat instead. There's hardly any gay Giants fans.

Dear Hillary: Go f yourself

I read on CNN that Hillary Clinton is "ready to be the vice president." In related news: I'm ready to be the next man on the moon.

The idea of Hillary as a veep is crap. Here's a few reasons why:

• She is a cagey, manipulative bitch that has dragged the campaign on for far too long. As I type this she has refused to concede, even though her winning the nomination was a long shot months ago. For this she should be rewarded? I think not.
• Her husband would think he knew how to do the job better than the president-elect (he would be right) and that his wife could do a better job (he would be wrong).
  
• Two alpha dogs don't make a good leadership team. You need a chief, and then some indians. Hillary wants to be chief. 
• Obama wants Hillary to fuck off back to New York, toe the party line, and try to help get him elected. He is going to pick a VP candidate that will balance out his "inexperience". And maybe help him out in some of the white southern states (and PA). Hillary is the opposite of that. 

Okay then.

meet The Legend

The Legend came to town to burnish his reputation. You might remember him from this post, but if you don't want to click through it describes an encounter he had with a girl in a park in Perth, OZ. It's adult in nature, so don't go there if you're under 18, easily offended, or female. He didn't mean it for public consumption but it was too good not to share.

I call him The Legend because he's the opposite of what you'd expect from a legend: he's a smart, funny, self-effacing guy that manages to put himself in improbably ridiculous situations. Those situations add up and = The Legend.

Anyway, The Legend was in full effect in the OC. Big laughs. I was all set to add more of his anecdotes but I can't bring myself to do it. Adult in nature, stories told in confidence, etc, etc. Remind me the next time we talk and I'll share them. They won't be as funny as when he tells it, but I'll do my best.

love you. thanks for reading.