where can i get me one of these?

i don't care what it takes, i need one of these things. immediately if not sooner.

it's gonna be great. i can make it play dress-up and then take sweet pictures. when it gets old enough to talk I can teach it swear words. with any luck it'll be a boy and as long he doesn't commit any felonies before he's 18 and gets into college it'll be fine.

if I have a girl it'll be the same thing but as soon as she hits puberty she'll have to go to a convent. no one touches the daughter. no one.

what, i have to provide for it? enh, i heard the expense was worth it. I'll give it some thought when i'm on the beach in bali this fall. i'm unconcerned about the whole diaper/poopie issue. that's what the wife is for. (duh!) that's my whole parenting strategy. If it's messy, dirty, or difficult, "ask your mother". That's what they're there for, right? I'm old school.

ahh, I kid. (pun intended! honk!) sweet image courtesy uncov2.0.