Breakup Beatdown: Better You Than Me

[no photo - posting remotely]
first things first: You know those stories that people tell about how they have a "friend" w/ some kind of an issue, but it's really the person telling the story that has the issue? It's all just a big fakeout? Well, this is not one of those stories. Let's clear that up right away.

This story is what you get when I scale back my general idiocy and have to resort to describing the eperiences of others. From a certain remove, if you will.

I have a friend (previously famous for his special order at Jack in the Box) that is dating around. Let's call him "John". About 2.5 months ago John met a friend of a friend (we'll call her "moms", b/c she has a child from prev. relationship) and they started seeing each other. Not often, since moms has a job and also a kid. Maybe once a week. They agreed to "take it slow", and "not rush". That suited John, since he wanted to see other people, and it suited moms because she knew John would bail as soon as he started getting some dad practice.

Fast forward to last week: John has given it the college try, but he's not into it. He decides to end things. But how? Does he do the slow fade, whereby the girl gets the hint and can prepare herself? Or does he go the mature route and tell her that he's over it? In the past it's been all fadeout, all the time. But in light of the friend-of-friend clause, plus the shoplifting-the-pooty issue, he decided to be up front.

Bad move.

Instead of being cool about the whole thing, moms has been going through the five stages of grief. I don't mean the Kubler-Ross model , I mean the crazy bitch model: snotting (think crying, but worse), jealous, bitter, furious, and desperate. often all in the same conversation. Taste it.

John acted more maturely than he ever has, and he was rewarded w/ more drama than he ever expected. he said "it feels like we've been going out for 2 years, not two months". setback. That's what you get for being mature. dummy.

make the fish lips; plus, uncivil war?; and: good (free) music; 2 weeks to summer in december

not sure if you caught this story about the king of all prehistoric fishes. [caught. get it? honk!] if you didn't, this thing was the boss. in the evolutionary arms race that was the Devonian period, this thing was the king. or at least, the king we know about. It probably fed on the coelacanth, among other things. synergy: You can feed on a coelacanth too, if you can catch one.

unrelated: there's a fuss about whether or not to describe the war in Iraq as "civl war". maybe "uncivil" is better? i'm going with uncivil war from now on. back to your regularly scheduled programming...

some intrepid soul is posting podcasts of eclectic mixes. check it yourself: www.oddiofile.net. (even the logo is cool) it's mostly mellow, jazzy, downtempo, ambient mixes, but w/ a variety of beats and styles. there's even some hip-hop that doesn't suck. weird. the recording quality is not great (to save on file size/bandwidth costs), but it's worth a listen. If you have itunes you can search for "oddiofile" and set up the podcast. if not, you can download the mixes direct from the oddiofile blog. I recommend it.

lastly: the south american expedition starts exactly two weeks from today.
makes me feel a little queasy just reading that. eesh.

gotta get me one of these

why don't I have one of these on my desk already?
it is so on. prepare yourself.

also, this review of a blender from Scientific American:

If Zeus had a fight with Yahweh, then afterward they went drinking with Shiva and the three of them did something they all ended up regretting, and nine months later the result was a blender, it would be this blender.

Outstanding. Does it have a setting for "margarita"? There's video of this thing going nuts on marbles and other inedibles. mmm... good.

take computing to the outer limits

Sun Microsystems has come up with a novel improvement on the portable PC. Dubbed Project Blackbox, you buy this super-fast, super-expensive pre-built system and you don't have to worry about installing it in your office. Just add water, power, and bandwidth. it's conveniently housed in a standard sized shipping container.

According to Scientific American, the price is "a zillion dollars." Still in the development stage, then.

a long way from high school...

I caught some of the TV show Friday Night Lights a few weeks ago. It was really good until the ex-girl of the crippled guy started sleeping with his best friend [did you get all that?]. It was predictable and sad; i haven't watched it since.

I remember being slightly disturbed by how ridiculously good-looking the ex-girl was. I went to high school, and there weren't girls like that at my high school. Or any high school I knew of.

Turns out little miss plays-a-cheerleader-on-tv is twenty-six. I'll have to let her know I'm too busy to date right now, let her down easy.

Perry Groves is my new favorite former professional athelete

I have never heard of Perry Groves until today. (That's his picture at left.) He's just a goofy looking guy that played some football overseas, but he's got a good sense of humor. Consider the followng question and answers from an interview:

interviewer: Tell us, why did you decide to write an autobiography?
PG: [Chirpily] It came out of the blue really. I was approached by John Blake Publishing, who specialise in cult autobiographies - that's cult with an 'l', yeah? - because they'd apparently noticed that there's a bit of interest in me out there.

with an L! I laughed. plus...

Interviewer: Scarlett Johansson or Paris Hilton?
PG: Scarlett Johansson. You know Paris Hilton is filthy but Johansson likes to come across as a little more classy so you'd have to work a little harder to get the filth out. That would be fun.

Indeed. also...

Interviewer: What's the weirdest request you ever had from a fan?
PG: Probably to sign a tit. Although ... [blah, a story that was not as funny as his initial reaction]

You're not kidding!
so he's my new favorite. Honesty scores big here at greatjoballweek.blah.whatev.

it's not about the girls you like, it's about the girls that like you

ahh, nothing like delicious pearls of wisdom from the interweb. a ha!

let's not waste each other's time

i wrote a [too] long post about insurance adjusters and getting the shaft and case-onomics and then I noticed that it sucked. so instead you get this. not much better, but different.

the enemy of my enemy is my friend

[no photo, posting remotely]
I'll get back to posting funny anecdotes just as soon as something funny happens to me. and I mean funnier than having issues w/ the waffle machine like I did this morning.

This has been mentioned in the national press before, but it will probably start getting more attention now.

i bring it to you merely as a small point of interest, and because that great example of christian love and compassion James Dobson figures prominently in the article.
who says you can't build a coalition of jews and christians? Granted, you're working together to kill people, but whatever. here's a summary:

[The church leader John Hagee] called the [Isreal / Hezbollah] conflict "a battle between good and evil" and said support for Israel was "God's foreign policy."

got it. evil = okay to kill people. and God is on our side. (as per usual.)

mullet not included

I heart the guardian. I think they covered this on CNN, too, but I'm pretty sure the lead wasn't:

Scientists have cranked it all the way up to 11 thanks to a new hi-tech take on the air guitar.

References to classic Rob Reiner movies never get old. ever. Neither do references to bands like AC/DC, so the inimitable Bobbie Johnson follows with this:

Engineers in Australia - the home of rock legends including AC/DC and INXS - have developed a new T-shirt which enables the wearer to play air guitar and create real noise in the process.

yeah. that is superb.
fyi: i create real noise when I play air guitar. it's the sound of me f*cking ruling. with extreme prejudice. but also love.

(photo is from the UK Air Guitar Championship in London; credit: Lynda Nylind)

people that are good, and people that are less so

I tried a new blog editor over here at great job all week dot blogspot dot com. you're not supposed to notice the difference at all. maybe quality will improve? enh, let's not get our hopes up. then I dinged it because it adds a tagline at the end of my posting. that simply won't do.

read a great story on the interweb today. it's a fairly typical overcome-a-challenge puff piece, but sometimes that's a nice way to start your Friday.

in other news, I got involved in my third (and final) installment of club night in the OC. it was okay. Crystal Method played good records, but the crowd sucked. the highlight was this exchange w/ the Biggest Douchebag I Have Ever Met, Without Exception (henceforth "BDIHEM, WE"):

acquaintance of mine: Hi!! this is my friend [BDIHEM, WE].
me (making small talk): nice to meet you [BDIHEM, WE]. how you doing?
BDIHEM, WE: I'm good. Tired, because I'm really busy at work, you know?
me: uhhh, yeah? what do you do?
BDIHEM, WE: I'm a partner in a big mortgage company. Part owner, actually.
me: oh.

do you like how BDIHEM, WE only needed two sentences to tell me how important he was? that's not a record, but I was impressed. and he worked it into the conversation so casually. It wasn't forced at all. classy. other douchebag elements included bragging about his former job ("major promoter in the area"), knowing the dj's and the club owner, knowing another club owner where he had partied the prev. weekend, and not reciprocating after one of my homies bought him a cocktail. (when it's your turn to buy a round, go buy a round. don't sneak off to the bathroom.)

sadly, I don't think the BDIHEM, WE and I will run into one another again. we don't move in the same social circles. good thing he also mentioned that to me in the 4 minutes we shared.

rock on in the OC!

praying the gay away: does it work?

was there some kind of election yesterday? I don't know. I was busy working. in other news, my new favorite entrant in the Hypocrite Hall of Fame is losing a key member of his counseling team. it turns out that the only person that actually lives in his home town doesn't have time to help him. That's a setback for him, because nobody is better at praying the gay away than James Dobson. that's him in the picture, and if he looks a little bit like Hitler to you, it is purely coincidence. Or providence.

here's an example sentence from a recent posting from my favorite professional christian:

The California Legislature, which is controlled entirely by gay activists and radical liberals, is able to sit in planning meetings and dream up whatever suits their fancy.

no sh*t? damn, I had no idea. And I live in California. plus I thought the Governor was a Republican...?

What's great about Dobson's "subersive gay agenda message" is that they have magazines for Christian public schoolteachers that explain, among other things, how to bring Christ to the classroom without your admin boss finding out. [really, they do.] I'm pretty sure they don't have that kind of information in gay-centered mags. I don't know. we should ask Ted Haggard.

Could be that Dobson quit because he figured out his strategy of introspection, study, prayer, and social pressure wasn't going to work on Sexy Ted. Maybe because if you're already married, with five kids, and the public figurehead for a huge evangelical church and you're SCORING CRYSTAL METH AND HAVING GAY SEX ON THE SIDE then social pressure and prayer will not help. maybe.

do something good

was watching TV. not the kind that makes you more dumb. the other kind. you might have heard of it. it doesn't draw the viewers like the sexual-predator entrapment stories, but it can be enlightening, lively TV.

most recently I was moved to visit a website that gives loans to small businesses in developing countries. the organization is called Kiva, and it's based in san francisco. check it for yourself, and see if you've got twenty-five bucks in your wallet that might help out somebody that's trying to make a better life for themselves. note also that Kiva works to promote local, environmentally conscious, sustainable business programs. and, this is the best part, you will probably get the money back.

if you're even remotely interested in the developing world, or people, or the environment, or anthropology, or epidemics, or politics, I encourage you to review the Frontline programs on AIDS that aired last season (earlier this year). it's probably too long to watch on the computer, and it's heavy, but it's outstanding. if you make it through to the end without crying then you should see a doctor and find out if she can restart your tiny, cold cold heart.

nothing funny about election day

and I mean nothing.
blah.

was going to type a funny anecdote about getting a visa to travel to brasil, but it's not funny. it's taxing. and expensive.

i did learn a lot about why booking w/ a travel agent in the internet age is a waste of time and money. "yeah we can save you money on this fare, except we can't. and that'll cost you $40 on top of your ticket price." great business model. offer me the same service I can get for myself, but make sure you charge a lot of money. that sounds like good case-onomic practices to me. i could have been doing this the whole time:

• use a "travel agent" to book any and all flights, even if you can get lower fares on your own. pay fees whenever possible. dur.
  

i was able to book a flight on an Argentine airline, but you have to call, and then they send you an email, and then you confirm, and then you decide you don't want to go any more because it's taking so damn long. it's slower than evolution. i'm considering just growing wings and flying down like an albatross. probably take about the same amount of time.

you want to book a flight on the largest brazilian airline via the interweb? you must use a credit card issued in brazil. don't have one of those? enh, dial the 800 number. good luck with that.

go duck yourself; plus, 40 days to summer in december

so you know I work at a subsidiary of dunder mifflin paper co, right? maybe you don't know. whatever. anyway, it turns out that at a mid-level staff meeting the other day, somebody comes up with the idea that they should hand out awards to people that don't do their job. [really, this happened]

the official language is that it's for people that "could have handled things a little better" or "could have been a bit more organized". why the duck? well, because if one has their sh*t together, they are said to have their "ducks in a row". and if they don't, then they should get one, right? splendid!

even better: the creators of the award want to give the award as a department, so that the, ahh, honor, as it were, comes from all of us. collectively. splendider!

makes a lot of sense to me; negative reinforcement is a wonderfully effective motivational tool. it will accomplish the following:

1. whomever gets the "duck you" award will hate your guts for years, effectively sabotaging your working relationship, for, umm, ever.
   
2. the awardee's co-workers will hate your guts, effectively sabotaging ... etc. and so forth.
   
3. Your department, as a group, will attract all sorts negative attention, effectively ... hmm... blah ... zzzz ... [what? nodded off there for a second.]
   

Rumor is that not everyone was "on board" with this canny personnel motivator, so "we" probably aren't going to implement it. Probably.
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in other news, since daylight savings time ended i started counting the days until I leave for summer in december. and january. 40 days a/o today. get excited.

Club night in the OC: not lame!

last night I went to hear Roger Sanchez (the Rog to his friends) mix some fun house records. it was great times, better than carl cox, and I was home by 1. here's list of shout-outs:

• Big ups to Giant for booking two outstanding dj's at a club in a strip mall exactly 8 minutes from my place, on back to back weeks, and putting me on "the list" so it's only $10. i'll even be back next week. weird.
  
• the venue gets an A for sound, lighting, and for hiring Marisa Miller's brunette body double (right down to the freckles) as a go-go dancer. Usually I don't notice the go-go dancers, because they're either rather beat-looking, or they're depressingly uncoordinated. This girl was neither. great work.
  
• speaking of brunettes, props to the girls for showing up. there was way too much dude at the carl cox show last week. thankfully this week was better, and the crowd was pleasantly diverse, w/ some lovely brunettes (mostly persian) to go with the usual OC blondes.
  
• paging cougar, party of 10! paging cougar, party of 10! your VIP table is now ready! it's club night in the oc, but it's still the OC. of 10 women out for girl's night, 6 had some obvious work done. very oc. and, it must be said, they were all attractive.
  
• ahh, speaking of girl's night, I even ran into an ex from several years ago. noteworthy because a) I wanted to marry her then; b) she's married now; and c) she didn't look very good. she's reasonably fit, but her outfit was frumpy. and she desperately needs to update her hairstyle. she wasn't into dj'ing when I dj'd, so it was the last place I expected to see her. on a school night no less.
  

and finally, there's this little gem from the national news. i feel bad for the wife and the 5 kids. the guy is a douchebag, perpetrating his douchebaggery on his family. and his "14,000 member" church. (fourteen thousand! that's like 3 huge churches combined!) sheesh.

in honor of all saints day

not much of interest to discuss this week. the borat movie is coming out friday. I'm pumped about the movie. it reminds me of The Office. not the american version, the UK version. the thing that was great about the UK version of the office was that it was so real that it was uncomfortably funny. you laughed, but it also made you cringe.

today I wanted to make fun of dick vitale (for old times sake) but I don't have the energy.

i did go to a club last night to hear Roger Sanchez mix some records, but I'll do a separate post for that. good times!