Happy New Year

More on the new year later, but for now I bring you this video.
Thanks, Internet.

Some People See a Christmas Miracle

I see people whose expensive medical services my tax dollars will now pay for.
Welcome to California!

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/dec/22/migrant-caravan-families-asylum-honduras-california

This is the Good Shit: Sewa vs. Luan

This is one of the all-time best games of skate. Believe it.

Cloud Containers and 'Pets vs. Cattle': Stop Already

Let's get this out of the way up front: I eat meat every day (though not much beef), without exception. I have done so for years, and will continue to do so. I also try to be honest and informed about the consequences of that choice. This post is about the consequences of language, and how smart people can also be very dumb.

I have had to give more than a few presentations over the past couple years (and sat through many, many more) where the advantage of cloud containers was explained in detail. When I sat through them the analogy of 'pets vs. cattle' was used almost every time. It's a popular analogy, and there are even lengthy blog posts codifying what exactly is meant by 'pets' and 'cattle' in your network architecture, and Randy Bias, who asserts in his twitter bio that he is a 'disruptor', claims to have started the meme for cloud architectures. Weird flex, but okay.

Here's the thing: the analogy makes a lot of sense if you are a network architect that has never given much thought to why cattle are 'disposable', and if you are not much given to introspection on how they are disposed of. If you consider only a fairly narrow perspective then yeah, it's fine, works well. If you think only briefly about what you mean when you use the word 'disposable', then the analogy is dumb as shit. You're talking about killing things, and only people that have never killed an animal and sociopaths talk about animals in that way.

Nowadays when I give the cloud presentations I use an heirloom china vs paper plate analogy instead, mainly so as not to have to suggest the idea that deleting a container instance is the same as killing an animal. People are emotionally attached to their heirloom china, care for it, look after it, and keep it for a long time. Paper plates are single use and truly disposable. Also they have much in common with a cloud server in that they are not a living thing that you have to kill, which, hey, that's nice. Tough luck for the trees, sure, but when you come up with a better analogy let me know and I will use that one instead.

It looks like you and I and everyone else that works in tech will continue to have to listen to this tired pets vs. cattle analogy for many years to come. Eventually Randy B. and his wack twitter account will disrupt off into the sunset / fade into obscurity, and the cloud will become so ubiquitous and widely understood that we will no longer have to explain it at all. That day cannot come soon enough. Until then: try heirloom china vs. paper plates. It's good. I promise.

Civics Lessons for Adults: The Fifth Risk by Michael Lewis

I have been getting caught up on my reading, most recently finishing The Fifth Risk by Michael Lewis. It is a very good and very timely summary of the work done (and not done) by the Trump transition team. The lesson is that the corruption and grift currently underway in Washington will have long-term damaging effects. 

You should care about this if you have kids, or if your friends have kids. Or not. It's hard to pay attention to this kind of thing when you are a busy person with things to do. I get it; youtube is not going to watch itself, after all. But if you can carve out the time, then it's a very good and easy read. I got through the book in two sittings, and you could probably do the same. 

The alternative is to just leave all this to someone else, and complain that 'they're all the same' and 'all politicians lie' and so forth and so on, but I have to tell you: it's not working out to your advantage. So pay attention to some small aspect of what is going on with your government, so that you can make an informed decision in 2020. 

The Whitest Playlist Ever Made

Omar, a true hero, put together this glorious 'Sunday music and hot coffee..' [sic] playlist for you, my dear listener. It's the iphone-commercial soundtrack aggregator you never knew you needed. Maybe very slightly dated now, but these are the hits, and as such have held up well. I wish homie would update it with some new cuts, but you can't have everything. If ever I need some generically pleasant and chill music to rock out to then this is what I reach for. You could do worse, is what I'm saying.

If you want to take advantage of more of Omar's strong work on the playlist front, then go to the playlist section of his soundcloud page. He's still hustling, posting a new list as recently as 6 days ago. I haven't had a chance to get into that one yet, but likely this week. I'm not busy, if you hadn't heard.

I hope the good and chill jams find you well.

It's the Little Things

I spend a lot of time alone, and as a solo middle-aged person the only kids I interact with are those of my friends. They are good kids, and sometimes they do things that warm my otherwise cold, dead heart. As when they make me a placeholder for Thanksgiving dinner. 

I made a pumpkin pie. They made me smile. I'll take that trade 100 times out of 100. 

T2: Trainspotting and Selective Memory

My love it kills me slowly,
Slowly I could die...

////
Caught up with the sequel to Trainspotting (officially: T2 Trainspotting) over the weekend. The movie will probably appeal to you if you saw and liked the original. If not, enh, it's probably fine as a standalone, but you might want to see the original first.

I loved the original, and watched it over and over again on my friend Esteeb's couch back in 1997. Partly because it was both hysterically funny and very grim, and that suits me right down to the ground. Also partly because I was pining over a girl who, in the parlance of the time, kicked me to the curb. That girl was fun while it lasted, but the fallout was severe. Back in those days I was not very well balanced at the best of times, so the breakup sent me into a tailspin, and I spent a few months drinking myself to sleep with 40s of Magnum and trainspotting on the TV. If Esteeb was bothered he never mentioned or showed it, and eventually I got my shit together. Mostly together, anyway. Ish. Together-ish.

The latest Trainspotting movie is very much an examination of what the four central characters have, or haven't, done with their lives in the past 20 years. So: if the original resonated with you at all, and if - just to choose an example at random - you are a middle-aged man that feels like reflecting on what became of his youth, his successes, and his failures, then the movie might speak to you in very interesting ways. Depends where it finds you, I guess.

The song above is an extended-ending remix of a Wolf Alice jam that appears at the end of the movie. The original is great, but the best part is the final chorus, so stretching that out gives it some extra. I loved it. YMMV. Download the MP3 here.

Bringing things up to the present day: Esteeb remains one of my closest friends, all these many years later. A couple months ago he asked me over lunch, 'hey, do you remember that girl with the reddish-blonde hair you dated in college?'

I said, 'the one that I was all bummed about for a while? The hot one?'

He said, 'yeah, that one - I see her at church sometimes.'

I laughed and said, 'Oh yeah?'

'Yeah, I see her, and all I can remember about her is that you shagged her.'

And thus sometimes friendship looks like ignoring my lame drama from back in the day, and focusing on the positive. Esteeb remains the best.
Thanks for reading.

Thanksgiving 2018

Desktop Wallpaper Courtesy PDW (link below)

It's been an interesting runup to Thanksgiving this year. I have not posted much because much of what I feel most strongly about is political, and you are probably more sick of interacting with politics than I am by now. I have finished several books in the past few months, and those are usually good for some blog content, but somehow between the time my ideas ferment in my tiny brain and I sit down to type up the words something gets lost: motivation, relevance, value, and much else. So here we are.

I lost my job a couple weeks ago. The layoff was not a surprise; my company got acquired and I started looking for a new job several months ago in advance of any bad news from my employer. My hope was to have a new job lined up and collect a severance, but it did not work out. Got an 8 week severance, which is better than nothing but still not great. The Feds tax lump-sum severance pay like a bonus, so they get around 45% of it. So I got about 4 weeks of pay, after taxes. Glad to get the money, but it's not much to live on. Fortunately I keep my fixed costs relatively low compared to my total income, so I am not in dire straits right now. Biggest cost after rent is health insurance, which is around $700 a month. (If I had a family or dependents it would be 3x that much.) So I can keep the lights on for a while while I look for a new gig. 

The hardest part was that I have not been unemployed for over 20 years, all the way back to when I was still in college. The absence of work and a related set schedule was very demotivating. Why do anything today when I can do it tomorrow? Why get something done in the morning when you can do it in the afternoon? Rinse, repeat. Instead of handling my business in a timely fashion I push it back, over and over again. Not my usual pattern, and not one that I want to continue. 

People have been telling me to 'enjoy my time off'. That's a nice idea, but it is very difficult to 'enjoy your time off' when you do not know how long it will be, and, most especially: I'M NOT EARNING ANY FUCKING MONEY. No idea why people think that is 'enjoyable', but I have heard it so many times that I now gently remind them, 'hey, you know I don't have a job, right? And I still have bills to pay?' No doubt there are people that are very comfortable with that state of affairs. I am not one of them. 

So! Thanksgiving. Being jobless frees me up to ride my bike, and to make treats. So I have been making cookies, and banana bread, and some pies. And riding the bike. Fun for me. I hope that your Thanksgiving is abundant in foods and good company. It gets no better. 

See you out there.


Prometheus Design Werx desktop wallpaper here. 

What are the best cycling bib shorts?

Just Two Men In Tights at Sunset

Updated 17 Nov 2018 to move the Rapha Pro Bib Shorts II to the bottom of the list. The leg grippers are defective, and after getting two new pairs of shorts from Rapha the gripper issue is worse, not better. Unacceptable in a short at any price point, but especially at $275 a pair.
*****

TLDR: it depends on your anatomy, physiology, saddle, and riding style. If you change saddles you may notice that some bibs do not work for you, so once you find a combination that works, stick with it, and change with caution.
I liked Rapha Pro and Eliel Laguna Seca or Hollywood shorts (the chamois is the same in the Eliel shorts, so either one is good).

//
I tested a bunch of different bib shorts over the past year in an effort to find something that I liked. Price is a factor because they can get expensive; I got all of mine at some type of discount, either on sale or through a contact at Competitive Cyclist, so you can do the same. I put at least 10 hours in the saddle on each set of shorts, with a two hour minimum for each test ride (after initial break in rides of about an hour). I tried two different saddles (more on that shortly), across several months and these are the bib shorts and saddle combinations that worked for me.

A few words on fit: I am barely six feet tall, with a 32" inseam and a long torso. I have a 34" waist, and wear a 42" regular suit coat. I weigh about 190 lbs, and I am built like a sprinter, not a GC rider. Most of my riding is leaned forward, with my wrists and forearms on the bars, or on the drops. So I roll my hips forward to flatten out my spine and reduce flexion. I used a Specialized Phenom saddle for several months before switching to a Specialized Power saddle (143 mm width).

Tested, in descending order of preference:

1.  Eliel Hollywood Bib Shorts in size L - Excellent shorts, and no issues with either saddle in any riding position. All day comfortable. These are their priciest model, but you can get the same chamois and build quality in their Laguna Seca short. Made right here in California, which is important considering how hard it is to run a small manufacturing business in this state.

2. Specialized RBX Pro in size L - Good shorts, suited for long days in the saddle. The best thing about these shorts is that you can often find them on sale for $125 or less, which is a good price for a premium bib. They are extremely plush, and aimed squarely at maximum comfort. I rated them higher than the Giordana shorts because they fit me better and are easy to find for half as much money.

3. Giordana Lungo Bib Shorts in size L - Good shorts, but not well suited to my body / saddle. They are beautifully made in Italy, with a light, technical fabric and a seamless chamois and only one seam on the legs. You can tell they were designed and assembled with some considerable care, as they hardly weigh anything and it's very hard to make a garment in this way. They feel fine when you first get them on, but I did not get along with them very well with the Phenom saddle. After switching to the Power saddle things improved, but they are still not a great fit for me and I cannot wear them comfortably on a ride longer than an hour. I keep them in the rotation because it's too late to return them, but I would not buy them again. It's a shame, because the fit and finish of the shorts is top notch, and the shorts are superb aside from fitment.

4. Assos T.tiburu_s7 Bib Shorts - These are their cold-weather bibs, and I am not very impressed by them. Build quality is fine, but the chamois does not agree with me at all. Also the front of the short stops well below my belly button, which seems very odd when compared with other insulated bibs I own from Rapha. Moreover the insulation is weak as hell, and they do not actually keep you very warm. Reviewers on Comp Cyclist say they are 'fantastic' and 'extremely warm', but I am here to tell you they are 'not worth it' and 'not for you if you like the way a Rapha Pro Team chamois fits'. Some riders like them a lot, but my experience is that there are better options elsewhere. YMMV

5. Rapha Pro Team Bib Shorts II in size XL- Good shorts until the elastic fails, which happened even before I wore the most recent set on an actual ride. Comfortable, good chamois suitable for most types of riding. The elastic at the very bottom of the leg does not grip as well as it should at the very edge of the cuff. This has happened on both of the Rapha Pro Team bibs that I own, and I think in their next iteration the leg opening will be smaller to correct this issue. $270 a pair it should not happen. It's beyond a cosmetic issue - it flaps in the wind. For reference my legs are 47 cm around where the bibs should sit.

That's my experience. Hope it was helpful.
See you out there. 

Michelle Obama

It's been a few years so it's hard to remember what it was like in the time before the current mentally defective president was elected, and we didn't have a caricature of Disney cartoon villains living in the White House.

Let this article remind you of what it was like to have two intelligent, thoughtful, strong people working together in the White House: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/ng-interactive/2018/nov/17/michelle-obama-interviewed-miley-cyrus-katy-perry-becoming

The gulf in intellect, manners, class, and ability between the Obamas and the current clowns is so wide you could fit the Milky Way inside it. Also, not for nothing, but Trump is the one who was gifted 400 million dollars from his father. The Obamas come from working-class backgrounds. Money can buy you the presidency, but it cannot buy competence.

Congratulations to the American voter. Again.

Addiction, Again

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. For friends and family that stop by this space - I am not addicted to harmful drugs (my only vices are exercise and sugar), but I do exhibit addictive behaviors if, for example, I am prevented from going to the gym. Understanding why this happens is useful.

I Hope You Voted

Have you had all the electioning you can stand? Me too.
Here's a very good video about dragonflies and damselflies.

You Can't Quit Cancer, But You Can Quit Doing Oxy

Is drug addiction a disease? Per Websters: "a condition of the living animal or plant body or of one of its parts that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms".

Brief aside: The Obama administration classified it as a disease and now you can't throw a rock in Orange County without hitting a sober living home. Almost all of them are for-profit centers, with a minimal emphasis on rehab, and a maximal emphasis on making money. They have no incentive to actually help people, because anyone that relapses can just go back into 'treatment'! Thanks Obama! Signed: A 2x Obama Voter

Recently a eulogy for a pretty white girl that died of a drug overdose went viral. There's a lot to unpack here. First, there's the wide range of very empathetic and very useless writeups about the eulogy itself, custom designed to tug at your heartstrings. Add all that digital ink to the ever-expanding list of useless responses to the eulogy that explain how the woman who died is 'in a better place' or 'with God now', which is just more lies people tell themselves so that they feel better about something bad.*

The woman appeared to have had every opportunity to stop doing drugs: an infinite number of second chances from her enabling family, resources for repeated stints in rehab, even support from the system, based on the fact that she "befriended and delighted cops, social workers, public defenders, and doctors, who advocated for and believed in her till the end." (The outcome suggests that their limited energies and resources would have been best allocated elsewhere.) On top of that she had a son, who was the light of her life or some shit, and she could not stay clean even for him. Getting high was the most important thing in her life, and eventually it killed her.

The thing about a 'disease' like drug addiction is that you can cure it simply: stop doing drugs. I do not suggest that this is easy - many things that are simple are not easy (like making biscuits, or dunking a basketball). But as solutions go, it does not get much more simple than that. Consider a different disease, such as lung cancer. How do you cure lung cancer? After decades of intensive research, no one knows! They just poison you until the cancer gives up and hope you don't die in the process. Even this 'success' is a postponement, since the cancer usually comes back and kills you later on. So good luck quitting cancer.

What about a mental illness like depression? You cannot quit being depressed any more than you could quit having a cold. You either wait it out, or you get treatment, or both. Drug addiction has more in common with depression than it does with cancer, but is it a disease?

Sam Harris (and others) assert that there is no such thing as free will. You are beholden to the exceedingly complex circuitry of your brain. It might make you feel depressed, or happy, or make you eat too much, or exercise too much, or commit acts of violence, or acts of kindness, or it might make you do absolutely anything to feel that sweet, sweet feeling provided by the opiates. If addiction is a disease, then it is a disease of the brain, and no part of the current justice system is treating it the right way. I doubt very much that there are many rehab or treatment centers that are doing much to solve the problem cure this disease either.

Armed with that knowledge we can infer that addiction is a disease, and we can also stop making excuses for the people that are afflicted. There has to be some way to treat addicts that will help them stop hurting other people. However, even in the absence of a cure there is no need to feel sympathy for people that fail to get their shit together over and over and over again. Maya Angelou said it well: When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

* E.g. 'Everything happens for a reason' - yes, it does, and sometimes the reasons are random and bad, because the universe is cruel and unforgiving and someday everyone and everything you have ever loved will die, including you. 

IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN: Decorative Gourd Season

Do you know what time it is? Yeah you do. It's time to get freaky with those gourds, because it's decorative gourd season, motherfuckers!

Don't take my word for it. Consult the holy writ, and be inspired.

"You're either ready to reap this freaky-ass harvest or you're not." - Jesus the Son of God, probably

Change is Overdue

The United States is currently being governed by a minority of its citizens. How did this happen?

The electoral college, which was created to appease slave states because of their low voting populations, continues to skew the results of the only national election. This is absurd.

Decades of gerrymandering congressional districts has dramatically skewed representation for one party at the expense of another. This is absurd.

The US Senate gives the same number of Senators to a state like Wyoming (pop. 480,000) as it does to California (pop. 48,000,000). This is absurd.

Abolish the Senate. End gerrymandering. Abolish the electoral college. Equal representation under the law is one of the reasons the republic was founded. People do not vote in part because they have no access to representation. Removing these barriers will go some way towards helping that. So will limiting the money in politics, but we can solve that problem in another post.

Jury Duty

I had jury duty a few weeks ago. It was a good and horrifying up-close look at the justice system. I hope to never, ever have to be involved in a jury trial for any reason, mainly because people are dumb, and also because attorneys have no interest in a fair or impartial trial. They want to win (as they should do), but if your starting pool is a collection of morons that didn't even know how to avoid the summons* then your ending group is going to be... not good. You can get get a lot of things from the US justice system but you don't get justice.

* I am a member of that group. Pro tip: throw the summons in the trash. No one is going to come after you, they don't have the budget for it. 

We Found Them!

The Guardian went looking for the dumbest fucking people on planet earth, and quelle surprise, they found them at a Trump rally. (Why is Trump having rallies in the middle of his presidency? That is very weird and fascist and... I think I just answered my own question. NM)

You can read the whole thing here. Or if you prefer to avoid exposing yourself to infinite quantities of abject stupidity, maybe skip it.

I Believe Her

This is the face of a man that attempted to rape a 15 year old girl. He was 17 at the time. The incident itself happened a long time ago, way back in 1982, when both of them were at a high school party.

Memory is famously unreliable. However, the woman remembers the incident, and (significantly) told her peers about it when it happened, told her therapist about it not long after that, and suffered sufficiently lasting emotional trauma that she later told her husband about a few times, most recently when this man appeared on a shortlist of nominees for the Supreme Court.

The man claims that none of it happened, and that all of it is a complete fabrication, and that they were never even at any party together, ever. He probably believes it, so he is not lying, as such, but it does raise questions about how cavalier one has to be about sexual assault in order to attempt to rape a girl and then completely forget about it.

Let's come at this from a different direction: What does the woman have to gain by coming forward? She can prevent this man from getting a promotion. What does she have to lose? Her life as she knew it has already been irrevocably altered. So if you believe that a successful professional would willingly perjure herself, sabotage her career, AND expose herself, her family, and her loved ones to a lifetime of unprecedented levels of vile hatred, harassment and ugliness from the reactionary supporters of this man just to prevent him from getting a promotion, then you must be the dumbest fucking person on planet earth.

The other issue here is the idea that the man should be held accountable for something he did 38 years ago. Does his attempt to rape a girl when he was a minor disqualify him from getting a promotion? Intent matters, and this man has never apologized, shown no remorse, taken zero ownership, and worked as hard as he can to deny, distract, and deflect. So too have his supporters. Only a rich white man, enabled and supported by other rich white men, could behave in this way and actually expect to get promoted.

Whether or not this man gets his promotion the most compelling thing we learned during the process is how the GOP treats women: terribly. You would think that alone would disqualify someone from the Supreme Court, but then you remember that it does not disqualify you from the office of the president of the United States, and it all makes perfect sense.

Not for nothing, but this guy also lied under oath, which, what the hell?

Please Stop Buying Bottled Water

Plastic Trash in the Pacific is a Bummer

I am wasting my time here but what else is this thing for but to complain to people that don't care about stuff they will not change?

Please stop buying bottled water by the truckload. Seriously, it's the worst. Almost all of the United States has ready access to fresh, clean, cheap drinking water. We have so much that people use drinking water to wash their cars and water their lawns and fill their swimming pools. Bottled water is too cheap, in that the cost it does to the environment is not reflected in the purchase price. This is true of a great many things: meat, corn, soybeans, and much else. But water, which is available almost for free from your own home, is still purchased in vast quantities by people that really should know better, and they bring it TO THEIR HOUSE TO DRINK. If you cannot handle regular tap water then give some real thought to the fact that you have been shamelessly brainwashed into an absurd fallacy and then buy a brita, or buy a portable water filter that people use for camping. Stop being an asshole and buying bottled water. Please.

There's all this fuss about straws now. Straws are only a tiny fraction of the problem. How can I drink boba without a straw? Do I have to bring my own? I guess I can do, if necessary. I'm happy to, if it means you will stop it with the bottled water nonsense. Or just keep doing what you're doing. Sea levels are going to rise and the economies are going to collapse anyway. : (

What the hell have you been up to?

It's been a long time.
Since we last visited some stuff has happened, but other stuff has not happened, and here we are. I still have not written about going to Copenhagen. Who goes on a multi-week, multi-city European journey and doesn't go on and on about it when they get back? I did!

Here's a photo from a famous location in Copenhagen. It was postcard-perfect weather the several days that I was there, and the biggest challenge in the very long days was working around the outrageously bright sunshine. And also not having a real camera, because carrying a real camera around is exhausting.

Copenhagen was great. Very bike friendly. I did not ride a bike there. The bike lanes are insanely crowded, and riding in town the bikes are much like cars, with traffic lights and stuff. It is intimidating. So we walked a lot. It was good. You should go.

Attacking the Press is Un-American

The President was in the news again over the weekend because the preening, self-absorbed moron enjoys nothing more than seeing himself on television. He has worked overtime to normalize aberrant behavior since before he was even elected, so it is easy to become numb to his endless lies and fabrications. 

Do not become normalized to this aberrant behavior. 

It is not normal to attack the press. It is not normal to declare that the press is lying when they report facts that are not in dispute. It is not normal to insult, disparage, and attempt to discredit your enemies via social media from a bully pulpit. These are not things that a decent person would do, never mind the president of the United States of America. 

There are few things less democratic, less fundamentally American, than attacking the free press. It is enshrined in the very first amendment to the constitution. Impugning the press as an 'enemy of the people' and complaining endlessly about 'fake news' would, in a country with sentient voters, disqualify a person from holding office. Here in America these qualities are held up as idealized examples. It may be that we will see a change in the upcoming elections, or it may not. Either way, this is not normal, and eventually the Blowhard in Chief will either die or leave office, and the country will be much better off. 

To the Bikes!

Speedy!

I've been busy, doing things. Mostly work things. Some bike things. Keeping busy.

Donald Trump continues to aggressively disqualify himself for the office of the President of the United States, but as long as the economy continues to hum along then I do not think he is in any danger of being impeached. Each new revelation that he is a lying, racist shitbag is not really a revelation. Everyone knew it already. Even better: his supporters love him precisely because he is a lying racist shitbag. They can release the tapes of Trump saying the n-word and aside from the media firestorm nothing will happen. There is no danger of him being impeached. He will remain in office until he loses an election or dies. Either one would be great, but sooner is better.

The economic fallout from the current bubble propping up the economy is the greater concern in the long term. Currently the economy is growing at 4.1%. That is not sustainable, and it has never happened unless there was some kind of rebound or correction from a depression. You can read all about it here if you care. So this current rate of growth will make a lot of people very rich, and then the bottom will fall out like it did in 2007, and the rich people will still be rich. But the poor and middle class will be fucked. If you are reading this then expect it to happen and plan accordingly. It would be really nice if there were a social safety net in place to help out the poor and middle class during the rough times, but that would make too much sense. Instead you can fend for yourself.

I still have severe tendonitis in my elbows and cannot ride a mountain bike. Sad days indeed. I can ride a road bike, and that's fun. Pictured is my new crush. She's so sporty! May get involved in it, and may not. Depends how things go with my other bike and how my recovery goes. Had thought to get a custom titanium framed bike I would rather have a faster road bike and a mountain bike. Would still have a mountain bike if my lame tendonitis would just chill the hell out. Ugh. Annoying.

So that's what has been keeping me busy: bikes, books (more on that later), and work. And the usual hobbies (food, and my peeps, etc.). Busy is maybe not the right word. Keeping me engaged. Busy, not so much.
Thanks for reading.

Nerf Graviton Lance, or Buff All the Other Guns

Probably shouldn't play Destiny 2 any more anyway. I think it is contributing to my elbow tendonitis.

Graviton Lance is game-breaking weapon in Destiny 2. I hate it because the gun is so unbalanced that almost every single player uses it. Yes, I have it, and yes, I have used it occasionally, but now I reject it out of principle. It's bad and dumb and broken.

Bungie can either nerf the gun or raise the power levels of all the other guns so that there are other options. If they do the former then people will complain that the game is too slow. If they do the latter then it becomes Call of Duty in Space.

In summary: never read the Bungie forums. Also: Graviton Lance can eat shit.

A Month Goes By and No Word

Nice

Yeah I know.
I would say that I have been busy but I would be lying. What news I have is not good, so I have not had much to talk about. I got a new mountain bike, and then I had to return it because I had such severe tendinitis that I could not ride it. (I had tendinitis before I got the bike; it turns out that mountain biking is maybe one of the worst things you can try and do if you have tendinitis.)

The Cheeto in Chief continues to treat the country like his personal arbitrage generator, but as long as the stock bubble continues and he can pass legislation that enriches his very wealthy constituents then the GOP thinks it's fine. This is fine. Trump can also roll over for foreign powers, abasing himself publicly (during the press conference he admitted that he believed Putin instead of the four US agencies that asserted that Russia attempted to influence the 2016 presidential election) and privately (Putin made him wait for an hour! A goddamn hour! Trump and his macho handshake got pwned), and his base remains steadfast.

So what to do? Well, you can always go rollerblading, I guess. Lots of good places to rollerblade around the world. For example, you might consider taking advantage of one of Berlin's many parks or open spaces (more on this soon). For example, in 1948, during the Berlin Airlift, the Russians built a massive monument to their war dead in Berlin. More than 20 million Russians died in WWII, and about 80,000 alone were killed in the two weeks leading up to the capture of the city. Russia built a very powerful monument there, and it houses the remains of several thousand unidentified soldiers. Every year there is big memorial service on the site, and it remains hallowed ground.

When I visited I was taking in the monuments and somber tone and this fucking guy rolls through from left to right, doing the splits on his rollerblades. It was wildly inappropriate but, well, I laughed.

Read Interesting Words: William Langewiesche

I have recommended William Langewiesche in this space before. He used to write for Vanity Fair (maybe still does?) but he's back turning in excellent work at The Atlantic again. You should read it. His style is simple and understated, and any writer would do well to emulate it.

The System is Functioning As Intended

The US Border Patrol has been separating children from parents that attempt to enter the United States illegally. There are also large numbers of children (anyone under 18) that attempt to enter the United States alone. US policy is to keep these children in separate 'camps' or 'shelters', for reasons that probably make sense when they do not have parents around, and probably also make sense to whatever bureaucrat thinks it is most efficient to keep all the kids in one place, and all the adults in another.

This cruel policy, instituted by the Trump administration (a collection of nitwits and grifters unlike any in modern US political history) in April, is the perfect distillation of callous racism in America. You can draw a straight line from the oft-used 'if he just' responses to another unarmed black or brown person getting killed by a police officer to this latest Federally-mandated cruelty. Consider such timeworn classics as "if he had just listened to the police it would never have happened", or "if he just had not put his hand near his pocket then it would never have happened", or "if he just had not run away it would never have happened", etc, etc, ad nauseum, until all agency from the other actors is completely abstracted. It is every bit as effective as it is lazy.

People will keep coming to the United States until you either a) give them a reason not to come here, or b) give them a reason to stay where they are. The US is not much interested in giving people a reason to stay where they are, because nation-building is hard, and (more importantly) it has a way of interfering with the profits of meganational corporations. So the only thing left to do is to give them a reason not to come here. Which leads us to this latest policy, and the Trump supporters justifications: 'if they just didn't try to come here, they wouldn't get their children taken away'. Which, broadly speaking, is true. But it obscures the questions of why they want to come here, and why we, the most rich and powerful nation in the history of the world, have to separate children from their parents in order to deter them. These are hard problems to solve. Much easier then to sit back, relax, and tell yourself, 'if they just...'

Dogs are the Best; also: Happy Father's Day!

Big Cheese sent this in: https://www.outsideonline.com/1989086/denali
It's a couple years old, but I liked it.

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. You are good dads. Enjoy your dad day.

I Went There: Berlin

Street Art in Kreuzberg

While I was away I occasionally kept myself company during dinner by typing up some notes about my experiences. Or talking to myself. Same thing, really. This is one of those entries, which I meant to post while still on the road but ended up setting aside. I left the typos in - very authentic.

////
Greetings from Bavaria!
As I type this I am sitting in the shadow of the Spaten brewery. Or at least one of the Spaten breweries, and enjoying a very large Spaten in the 'lighetst' type available. I've always been a lager person. You care.

So! Travel news: I'm on the continent for almost two weeks to visit Berlin (done, as I type this), Munich (happening, as I type this), and Copenhagen, (happening in a few days). It's been good. Kind of a lot to take in.

Berlin is just a weird as hell accident of history, which makes it awesome but also kind of a lot to take in if you are only there for a short period of time. The city itself really only came to life in modern times after the wall came down in 1989. Prewar Berlin was a thriving and diverse metropolis, famous for its tolerance and live and let live attitude. In the period between wordl war 1 and world war 2 it had over 100 gay bars, which is a lot considering homosexuality was illegal in many other western countries at that time. According to my tour guide the population was arund 4.2 million at the start of world war 2. It's around 3.5 million now, which shows how depressed and slow the recovery has been as a result of the cold war.

It was an island outpost from the end of WWII until the wall came down, with extremely limited economic opportunity combined with the fact that the city center was 85% destroyed during the war, and the greater city itself was roughly 60% destroyed. So it was a big pile of rubble, and there was no way to get it all cleaned up. (It bears mentioning that not only was the city a big pile of rocks, but this was after several years of hardship and shortages due to the war, so things were already bad before the whole place was bombed back to the stone age.) Almost all of the rebuilding work was done by women, so much so that they have a name, but I don't know it, either 'stone women' or 'rubble women' or something similar in German. All the men were either dead or wounded or in POW camps. Even if you wanted to build something or run a business you were still stuck on an island, effectively behind the iron curtain. It was hard living.

In order to get people to stay there the West German government subsidized the people. Also there were many people that moved to Berlin because the old attitudes prevailed: it was still a live and let live kind of place, even if you had to live in a rock garden. Squatting in buildings became a thing, mainly because there were a lot of empty buildings in West Berlin after the war, so the artists and punks and immigrants came, since that was the only place they could go and live for free or nearly free. It was a place that no one wanted to live. The government was still trying to maintain some order, so as part of their efforts they worked on improvement projects, usually aiming to tear down the old buildings and put up cheap housing blocks. This did not go over well with some of the residents, so they squatted the buildings in protest, and fought to keep some of the historical structures (Bethanien was ground zero for the squatter movement). These fights went on for years, and they were brutal, but eventually the government saw sense and negotiated with the squatters and places like Kreuzberg became thriving multicultural centers. It's kind of amazing, but that's what happened. And so it went, until the wall came down and the money showed up.

Once the wall came down it was only a matter of time before the most permissive, affordable capital in Western Europe became a lot less affordable. Gentrification is transforming Berlin, and not for the better. Expensive high-rise apartments are going up all over the city, and corporations are moving in. The current fight is aimed at trying to prevent Google from opening an office in Kreuzberg. I hope that they do not, because fuck google, but the money always wins. Old neighborhoods that have survived world wars and depressions and communism do not deserved to be run over by capitalism, but it is happening. The people that will no longer be able to afford to live in their home town will have to find somewhere else to go, and after a generation then google will give them the shaft there too.

I guess my point is that Berlin is weird, but good, and before long it will just be like Manhattan, and only for rich people. Progress, of a kind.

Anthony Bourdain

I was out of town for a couple weeks, visiting Berlin, Munich, and then Copenhagen. It was a good trip that I will write much more about later, but today I wanted to write about Anthony Bourdain.

Pictured is my signed copy of A Cook's Tour. My mom got it for me as a gift. She and I do not get along very well, as we have very little in common. What we do have in common is that we both enjoy cooking and sharing food.

I read Kitchen Confidential when it came out - I forget who recommended it to me but I sent it to my mom as a gift and she loved it, and she loved Anthony Bourdain. He was a swashbuckling writer, with a wonderful ability to revel in the organic, earthy minutiae of the stuff you put in your face. No pretense for him, which has always very much been my approach to food and to eating.

My mom has always shuddered at the way that I disregard how a meal 'plates'; I just want it to taste good. Bourdain had the skills to plate food as beautifully as anyone, but he was mainly interested in finding the deliciousness available anywhere and everywhere. His was a celebration of the everyday goodness fighting against the mundane. No half measures in his kitchen or on his plate. He loved street food most of all, and he played no small part in the renaissance that inexpensive, unpretentious cuisine has experienced over the past 20 years. He will be much missed.

Bourdain struggled with mental illness his entire life, and that is another thing that I find very relatable. Sometimes no amount of love or money can save you if you are sick.

He was 61.

So Beautiful - Caletti Cycles

Never mind that other crap, here's the goods right here.

What about this in titanium silver, with black wheels? Your mind says no but your body says yes.

You know you want it.

Never Try, Part Infinity

I'm on Tinder, because that is the best way to try and meet new people outside my regular social circle. Since my 'regular social circle' extends to work and the gym and my married friends, the fact that Tinder is the least-worst option is not a ringing endorsement, because it is the internet, and the internet is Bad.

And yet! I figured if I am on Tinder then there are maybe also some other people like me on Tinder. As in, not Bad. That's the hope, anyway. In actual fact, well, it's a mixed bag. It is possible there are a great many very nice people that I am not interested in trying to meet because they don't take a very good picture and/or have any understanding of what may constitute a good picture. Put your best foot forward and all that. (Tinder as anything but a clearinghouse for superficial disposable interactions is gross and depressing, so let's accept that as a fact for now and revisit it in detail later.)

Sometimes you meet people, you sit down with them, and maybe, if you're lucky, you want to see them a second time. Sometimes, if you're even luckier still, they will insult you to your face so egregiously that you will, in so many words, tell them to fuck right off, and they will write you an apology afterwards. Like I said, people are Bad!

So I meet my 'date' (possibly the most generous use of that word in the history) and we do the trivia at the bar place, and it's fine. We aren't even drinking, just having some food and doing unsurprisingly well at trivia (unsurprising to me, anyway, because I am the shit at trivia). It's fine. No issues. She's kind of a snob, but I am also a snob, so we connect on that level. At least I can't judge it, because glass houses and all that. We finish that up and are talking more and she mentions a 'famous place for live music' outside Joshua Tree.

Dear reader, on the long list of things I don't give a fuck about you will find "live music" and also "Joshua Tree"; additional items listed include: "the WNBA" and "your NCAA bracket", and much else. Point is, so what? I have managed to live a (relatively) rich and full life without knowing these things. Weird, but true. She says, "you've been to Joshua Tree, right?"

"No, never been," I replied.

"Wait, where are you from? How long have you lived here?" she said, incredulously.

"High school in San Jose, moved here about 17 years ago," says me.

"Like, what do you do?"

Me: begins to describe hobbies until I am interrupted by...

"Those don't sound interesting. Did you have a whole second life where you were a different person?"

Freeze the scene here good citizen, and consider your reaction to this level of condescension from someone you do not even know. What do you do?

My reaction was to communicate that her remarks were rude and condescending, and that I would not be condescended to by anyone. It led to a frank exchange of views (from me) and an immediate apology (from her). She excused herself shortly thereafter and I finished my crummy dinner alone.

When she got home she texted an apology, which did not surprise me. 'Only joking', after all. Ahh the lulz I felt when she insulted my lifestyle, hobbies, interests and place of origin. Such jestful repartee!

She was not so dumb that she did not recognize her word choice and tone could be construed as insulting once she had some time to reflect. She was just too much of an asshole to notice before it came out of her mouth.

Dating is bad and people are bad. Don't do it.

Unhhhhh

MMMMM

Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Weeks and Weeks Go By with No Word

Foggy

Hi peeps! I have not posted to the blogspace because I do not have anything much to share. I, umm, ride my bike? I got to go to San Francisco and hang out with Ze Newbs. That was fun. We went to dinner and one of the courses included this treat with 'San Francisco fog'. Dry ice effects never get old, so we got a big kick out of that. Me and Ze Newbs went to Barcelona to have dinner several years ago, and we had some laughs about that adventure while we caught up over another tasty feast.

Work is a frustration right now so I am looking for a new job. I don't have the skills I need for the job I want so it's time to hit the (digital) books. It would have been smarter to do this a year ago but I was too busy doing dumb shit. (Not strictly true - I was thisclose to getting a new job in December but lost out at the very end to someone with more experience, so it's not like I have been completely useless.)

I was telling Sweet Katie that my sales territories got shifted around so I will not have much cause to travel to the Bay Area on the company dime. I will have to do it on my own, which I will be doing in the Fall. I will provide plenty of advanced notice so that Big Cheese can enjoy me riding my new StumpJumper around in his yard. It's gonna be great. I will be looking at a Caletti gravel bike with 650b wheels in between berms, jumps, ruts and hot laps on Big Cheese lawn(s) and other riding activities while in the region. This stuff is what gets me out of bed in the morning. It's not much, but it is enough.

Hey Did Specialized Launch a New Mountain Bike Yesterday?

What was the bike called again?

They did? Weird, I hadn't heard. Was there press? Not sure. Let's check BikeRadar and see if they had any coverage.

Yeah they mentioned it. And then they mentioned it again. And again. And again.

Note that this screencap omits the shoutout to the promo video earlier on the page, so this isn't even all of it. You're welcome.

Never Mind Ronde van Vlandaaren, what about Paris-Roubaix?

Sagan Winning Paris-Roubaix 2018

Ronde van Vlandaaren 2018 was a good and exciting race, and if you watch any of the video then you will very likely get a feel for why it is such an event. All of Belgium closes down for the day and they throw a big party. It's pretty great!

It was not great for your girl's favorite cyclist, Peter Sagan. He finished sixth? Ninth? :: checks internet :: He finished sixth. The winner was N8ki Terpstra, who used excellent teamwork and strong legs to power himself to glorious victory. Well done Niki.

But that's not why we're here! We are here to talk about the result of the 2018 Paris-Roubaix, which was won by Peter Sagan! He was quite thrilled with the result. If you are wondering what it feels like to just finish the race, here is an interview with Taylor Phinney, who managed to ride into the top 10. Phinney is a good and chill guy in his interviews, and his responses to these questions are excellent.

More Words About Cycling: Milano-San Remo, Gent-Wevelgem, and Ronde van Vlandaaren

De Ronde van Vlandaaren kicks starts at 12:30 AM Pacific Daylight Time on 1 April, so by the time you catch up with this it will likely be over. That's a shame, because it is almost always a great race, and for the Belgians it is the biggest race of the year.

Since we last visited the Milano-San Remo race finished with Vincenzo Nibali winning by breaking away from the leading group on the Poggio. I had said that the classics races are rarely won by GC riders, but Nibali has won all three of the Grand Tour races, so he is very much a GC rider. He is also a beast that managed to ride away from the best cyclists in the world in one of the hardest races on the calendar, so all credit to him.

How did Nibali win? He won in part because he is awesome, and also in part because the rest of the riders were squabbling amongst themselves about who would lead the chase after he broke away. This happens often, because riders know that they are not strong enough to participate in a chase because they will get outsprinted at the line by someone like Peter Sagan.

Sagan pointed out after the race that no riders were willing to work with him at Milano-San Remo, and he congratulated Nibali for having the balls to take it.

The video above shows the finish of Gent-Wevelgem, and it shows what happens if you leave your sprint too late. You can see the riders waiting for Sagan to take off, because they know if they go first then he will immediately get on their wheel and likely beat them to the line. The alternative is to wait for Sagan to start the sprint, and hope that you have the legs to keep up. Good luck with that. 

So Many Words About Cycling

*swoon*

I am here to try and get you pumped about men’s bicycle racing. Not just any men’s bicycle racing, but the best kind of bicycle racing: the Monuments. 

This is likely an uphill battle (HONK), but no matter. It is worth the effort, because cycling, in almost all of its many forms, is fun as hell. And unlike most of the “major” sports you can actually get out there and Do It your whole athletic life. (Yeah you can get out there and get some burn on the court at the local Y in middle age but your knees and back are a wear item, so maybe give them a rest?) 

Do not be put off by the endless in-group bullshit you may have heard from pretentious douchebags the world over. Cycling is here to dish up some good ass excitement in the coming weeks, and you should get involved.

World Tour Racing

The World Tour cycling season is comprised of many different categories and types of races. The Grand Tours, which you have mostly likely heard of, are the Giro d’Italia, Tour de France, and the Vuelta a España. The Grand Tour races are a massive undertaking: multi-week stage races that span thousands of kilometers and even continents (the TdF often starts in countries other than France, because, you know, money). These races cost tens of millions of dollars (or euros) to put on, and the stages include team time trials, individual time trials, rolling courses and mountain courses and they really do just go on and on. They are so long that it is common for riders to agree in advance of one or several of the stages of a GT race to take it easy, because it sucks to go flat out all day long in a headwind while cowshit blows into your mouth and eyes. Stage races can be thrilling, or they can be boring, strategic affairs with all the drama sucked out of them by teams with enormous budgets and outrageously strong riders (Team USPS last decade; Team Sky this decade). If you want to get excited about bike racing, then GT races are not a great introduction. They are too long, and it is confusing for casual fans when a guy that wins a dramatic sprint on stage 8 does not actually win, or even come close to taking the lead in, the big race (aka the ‘general classification’). Grand Tours are won by a very specific type of rider, about which more anon. 

We are not here to talk about the Grand Tours. We are here because the best and most exciting types of bike races are the Classics, and the best of these is the Monuments. Fun fact: You win an actual cobblestone monument if you win Paris-Roubaix, and the trophy is unique, if also ugly. Another fun fact: the youngest Monument was first raced in 1913(!!). 

The Classics are grueling one-day races over varied terrain (cobblestones, gravel, whatever passes for a paved road surface in Italy, etc.) in often brutal conditions. Since they are only one day the results tend to be much more varied than in the Grand Tours. It is much harder to spend your way to success in the Classics, because you cannot just buy every single good rider and wear down the field (although Team Sky is trying). Nor can you stack up your small advantages over the course of a four week odyssey (again: Team Sky with their ‘marginal gains’ :: barfs :: ). You have to be both very good and a bit lucky to win a Classic, as it takes an enormous amount of talent to even be in contention at the end of a race. Sometimes you can be a race favorite and get wrecked by a jacket thrown over barrier. 

The Classics tend to also be won by a very specific type of rider, although there are a few modern riders that will try and compete for victories in both Grand Tours and the Classics.

They run throughout the year, and the Monuments all run in the Spring (Milano-San Remo, Ronde van Vlaanderen, Paris-Roubaix, Liege-Baston-Liege) except for Il Lombardia, which is run in October. 

You may see these races described in English as the Tour of Flanders (Ronde van Vlaanderen) or the Tour of Lombardy (Il Lombardia). Keeping all the different names in order is hard enough, so you are duly forgiven if you prefer the English titles. Nod-snobbing fans will maybe correct you, or maybe they will just be glad that someone besides them gives a shit about cycling for once. 

There are other one-off road races that are just as prestigious as the Monuments, most notably the World Championships, which bestows the honor of wearing the famous (in cycling circles) rainbow jersey for the entire next year. Any previous road race world champion can wear the rainbow stripes on their sleeves during a road race, which is fun and cool and insider-y. The various national championships for each country are governed by similar jersey rules, so you will see the road race champion for Germany wearing his custom team jersey with special German colors in the World Tour peloton, and so on for the Dutch, French, Belgians, etc. It’s pretty great! Winning the national championships is a big deal, so I enjoy when the riders represent the colors. 

Note that a world champion is also awarded for the individual time trial, but the ITT world championship jersey (and previous winners sleeve stripes) is only to be worn during time trial events. Thus the road race rainbow stripes are among the most coveted jerseys in all of cycling. 

So! The Classics are happening, and the Monuments are happening, and it is going to be great. But who are you watching?

The Teams

There are 18 World Tour teams, all of whom carry 25 riders on their roster. As in all other forms of racing, money is an issue. Some teams have a lot of it, and some are shaking out the couch cushions. The big money really stopped rolling in after the doping scandals of the late aughts, so many teams really are scraping by. Also, since the big money left it opened the door to sponsors that are, shall we say, niche. Sponsors range from flooring companies, oven hood manufacturers, coffee companies, governments (see below), lottery businesses, and much else. 

Cycling has always been the metier of rich white men, but in recent years the circle has expanded to include rich men from such forward-thinking eastern nations as Kazakhstan (Team Astana), Russia (Team Katusha-Alpecin), Team UAE (UAE, natch) and Bahrain (Bahrain Merida). The riders are just trying to earn a living, but it is kind of hard to get behind a team whose budget is provided by murderous dictators and/or serial abusers of human rights. YMMV 

Most of the team sponsors, major or otherwise, have the greasy feel of rich white guys that want to leg hump the pros at races, group rides and social events. In my limited conversations with former pros this seems to very much be the case. 

The most heavily funded team has sucked the life out of the last several Tours de France by putting together an all star team of riders and adding money and science and more money and drugs until they are very difficult to beat. They also sucked the life out of the 2017 Vuelta. And yet! They did not win the Giro last year (shoutout to Tom Dumoulin), so it is possible for other GC riders to step up.

A change for this year is that the teams are only allowed 7 riders per race (down from 8 last year), in the hopes that it will shake up some of the results, especially in the GT races.

The Riders

When you picture a typical road cyclist you probably imagine someone like Chris Froome, or, if you haven’t paid attention since an American was winning races, Lance Armstrong. An emaciated, hollow-cheeked guy in a yellow jersey, because the Tour de France is the only time anyone pays attention. Both of these GC riders are well suited to winning GC races: pencil-necked and toothpick-armed, likely unable to do even a single push-up, strong climbers, excellent in the time trials, and surrounded by a team of elite support riders, some of whom could probably win a Grand Tour of their own were they given the same support. They are phenomenal athletes, capable of outrageous scores in things like VO2 max and power to weight ratio. They are also boring as hell and get smoked in the Classics.*

* Armstrong was an excellent Classics rider before he got the cancer and the drugs and the plan and reinvented himself into a superlative GC rider. He was still decent in the Classics, but it was no longer a priority for him once he transformed himself. 

Most of the Classics eat the GC riders alive. They are too long, without enough climbing. Instead you need a rider that can do something besides get an escort to the base of the mountain and then do his own work. You need a well-rounded cyclist that can climb a short distance, very fast, and then recover, and then do it again. These are the most interesting riders in cycling, because they can do almost everything well, and do a few things extremely well indeed. Also, they look like actual people, and not like they would be trapped indefinitely when their significant other falls asleep on them. 

Look to riders like Peter Sagan (pictured above) to make some noise in the Classics. The Slovak is the reigning road race world champion (three times in a row!) and is a threat to win a one day road race every time he throws a leg over the bike. Sagan is by far the most popular cyclist in the world right now. This is partly down to the fact that he rides with panache, and partly because he looks like an actual person and not a stick figure with weird balloon legs. Also he says the right things, as here after a second place finish:

“Sometimes I can do some things, sometimes I can’t. Today, I had bad luck but also good luck at the same time. It would’ve been better first place, but I don’t have to have everything,” Sagan said after showering and before signing autographs and posing for selfies with the huge crowd that was waiting at the Bora-Hansgrohe bus.

Sagan frequently does wheelies and bike tricks, makes cycling look fun. Not afraid to flex on other riders, or to display insane bike handling skills, as at the close of a recent stage of the Tirreno-Adriatico. Notice how he makes a split second decision to hop a curb and shortcut a roundabout here to save some time. That is some very casual, next-level shit. 

Not for nothing, but he is also quite handsome. I have described him to others as ‘the guy your girlfriend hooked up with during the Eastern part of her European tour, but don’t worry he was totally chill about it’. 

Other contenders for the classics, especially the upcoming Milano-San Remo: Greg van Avermaet - like Sagan, a superbly talented all around rider. Not as powerful on the bike as Sagan (few are), but the course favors him this year. 

Michal Kwiatkowski - Probably the most talented classics rider in the field after Sagan. Famously beat Sagan in last year’s Milano-San Remo, although people will remember Sagans attack on the Poggio (a famous climbing section) longer than they will remember the winner. Losing with style is sometimes more impressive than winning. 

Tiejs Benoot - Young rider that is in excellent form right now. Won Strade-Bianche this year in decisive, thrilling fashion. Turned in some strong results at Tirreno-Adriatico.

The Classics are extremely difficult to predict, so although it is generally acknowledged that a handful of riders are the class of the field they do not always win.

Strategy

Typical race strategy for the Classics races is to identify a specific rider that you want to protect for the race, ride for him, and then cut him loose when he feels like he can get the win. Your ability to deliver your rider to the line is affected by your own team, mechanical failures, rider failures, and the other teams, who often have conflicting strategies (such as to ride off the front in a small group). It is almost impossible to solo to victory in a bike race so the teams often work with one another until they don’t. If you like game theory you will love cycling race strategy.

When is the Next Monument?

The next several weeks will have some of the best racing of the year. The first (and best) Classic that isn’t an official monument is Strade Bianche. It runs in a big loop around Siena, and it makes liberal use of the white gravel roads for which that region is justifiably famous. This year’s race was run in a driving storm and it was fantastic. The calendar looks like this: 

Milano-San Remo is 17 March, so maybe catch some race replays in between watching free labor generate revenue in the NBAs minor leagues. 

Ronde van Vlaanderen is 1 April

Paris-Roubaix is 8 April

Liege-Baston-Liege is 22 April

How Do I Watch?

Depends where you live. The races are easy to find on TV in Europe, but it’s tougher in the states. Cycling Fans dot com has a good summary of where to find coverage in your local area.

The Elephant in the Room

Drugs! So many goddamn drugs. Cycling is cleaner than it used to be, but there are still drugs everywhere. Not as much EPO, but it is awash in painkillers, stimulants, respiratory medications, diet medication, and whatever else they can get away with. Something something cheating trying something, but if you are strongly anti-drugs then you should probably just not watch any sports, ever. The cycling community tends to be split on the drug users. Some are ostracized, some are lionized, and some end up making a lot of money after they did the drugs and everyone is cool with it. 

It does not help that the most successful drug user, and greatest ever Tour de France rider, is also one of the all-time biggest assholes in professional cycling, or any sport. So fuck that guy. 

It’s also probably not a good idea to get popped for drugs when you have a very prominent marketing campaign and ‘zero tolerance’ policy.

Enjoy the Races!

Seriously, they are great.

Mileage

Since we last visited I have been to Oakland / San Francisco / Oakland / San Diego and then home. That trip was not bad! Before that I had to go to Orlando for less than 24 hours. That trip was miserable! So the travel up and down the CA coast was a relative breeze. Disneyworld is weird. People are gross fake nice because of the focus on 'customer experience' and it is carved out of a swamp. Florida has some lovely places to visit but Orlando is not one of them.

Lots more to share on topics big and small, but I'll get to those later. First things first: what about some jams? Try this one. It's a lot different from the usual around here. It's good and chill. Most of the music I rep here is good but not very chill.

Old(er)

Hard Eight

Not sure how we got here, but here we are.

Could be worse. There's cake, so that's something.

Hot Slow Jam: Worlds Away by 3LAU feat Emma Hewitt

Presidents Day is somehow not a holiday that everyone observes. Come on, people. If you can't get on board with GWash because he was a slaveowning oligarch shitheel (which: yeah, that's legitimate) you should absolutely celebrate the birth of Honest Abe, who was righteous and great.

Turn up this good and chill jam and pour a little out for a true American hero. Shoutout to the first (and last) great Republican president: Abraham Lincoln.

Serious question: Why don't more parents name their kid Lincoln? It's such a good name.

Hopefully you enjoyed your day today, even if you had to work. See you out there.

Movie Stars in History

An old photograph of Brian Cranston, taken for a role as a gold miner for a period piece set during Gold Rush era California.

Nice

This is a good cycling photo. It's a picture of Ellen Noble, who is rad, bunnyhopping a barrier during a cyclocross race, which is also rad. This is a very difficult thing to do! Most men (who ride the same courses, with the same barriers) opt not to do it, and there are only two women that I know of that have done it (the other is Pauline Ferrand-Prevot, who is a boss and rides a bike even better than she photographs, which is saying something: women's world road race champion 2014,  women's cyclocross world champion 2015, plus way too many other victories to even begin to list here).

So! Shoutout to Ellen Noble for being awesome, and to Rapha for posting the picture, and also sponsoring Noble. She is awesome.

80's Budget Bianchi Bit Busted But Born Better

Not much I want to blog about lately. Fixed up my friends old bike so he could ride it and/or use it on an indoor trainer. Did that for his birthday as part of his birthday present. Probably you are super interested in reading about that? I thought not. It wasn't much of a project, as the bike itself was not great when it was new, and as my man dumbomollusk reminded me: you can't polish a turd. Even so, I polished that thing up as much as I could. It turned out pretty good.

I put new tubes and tires on it, fixed the handlebar tape, which I think was original vintage circa 80's. Lubed the chain, which should really be replaced, but there's a limit to how much I want to invest in this bucket. And I deleted the awful reflectors, which were hideous and useless.

The updated handlebar wrap will not be confused with anything from your local bike shop but it's not bad for a first effort, and it is perfectly adequate given our source material. You can actually ride it now, which is something. And if you did ride it somewhere people would not look at you funny. They would think you were a dedicated hipster riding a retro bike. Except for the saddle, but that was another piece that was a step too far for this effort. If my buddy wants to replace it then he will do so.