Cloud Containers and 'Pets vs. Cattle': Stop Already

Let's get this out of the way up front: I eat meat every day (though not much beef), without exception. I have done so for years, and will continue to do so. I also try to be honest and informed about the consequences of that choice. This post is about the consequences of language, and how smart people can also be very dumb.

I have had to give more than a few presentations over the past couple years (and sat through many, many more) where the advantage of cloud containers was explained in detail. When I sat through them the analogy of 'pets vs. cattle' was used almost every time. It's a popular analogy, and there are even lengthy blog posts codifying what exactly is meant by 'pets' and 'cattle' in your network architecture, and Randy Bias, who asserts in his twitter bio that he is a 'disruptor', claims to have started the meme for cloud architectures. Weird flex, but okay.

Here's the thing: the analogy makes a lot of sense if you are a network architect that has never given much thought to why cattle are 'disposable', and if you are not much given to introspection on how they are disposed of. If you consider only a fairly narrow perspective then yeah, it's fine, works well. If you think only briefly about what you mean when you use the word 'disposable', then the analogy is dumb as shit. You're talking about killing things, and only people that have never killed an animal and sociopaths talk about animals in that way.

Nowadays when I give the cloud presentations I use an heirloom china vs paper plate analogy instead, mainly so as not to have to suggest the idea that deleting a container instance is the same as killing an animal. People are emotionally attached to their heirloom china, care for it, look after it, and keep it for a long time. Paper plates are single use and truly disposable. Also they have much in common with a cloud server in that they are not a living thing that you have to kill, which, hey, that's nice. Tough luck for the trees, sure, but when you come up with a better analogy let me know and I will use that one instead.

It looks like you and I and everyone else that works in tech will continue to have to listen to this tired pets vs. cattle analogy for many years to come. Eventually Randy B. and his wack twitter account will disrupt off into the sunset / fade into obscurity, and the cloud will become so ubiquitous and widely understood that we will no longer have to explain it at all. That day cannot come soon enough. Until then: try heirloom china vs. paper plates. It's good. I promise.