ballistic balls, lakers ascend to mediocrity, dick vitale still sucks, and more

the king kong movie is out. no word yet if the big apes nuts make an appearance in the movie. [somewhere my writing teachers are cringing because I just wrote that sentence - i should have sent them an email apology in advance.] if the "ape" has no nuts, how does he make little prince kongs? I guess these are important questions that hollywood leaves uanswered. I might have to shell out $10 of my hard-earned if I want to find out any time soon.

thanks again to King James for volunteering that heartfelt essay on the awful Detroit Lions. really enjoyed that. I look forward to more of that this weekend when the crap Lions play the mediocre Bears. That game is being televised mostly in CIA "grey" detention centers. as a form of torture.

I've been away, but not much comment-worthy has happened in the sports world of late. at least not much that I can make fun of or otherwise impugn. The lakers have gone from "quite weak" to "weak", so that's something. thanks to the miracle of cyberspace I can watch the game and type at the same time. jim gray asks caron butler at halftime: what's it like in a game like this when everybody is struggling to make a basket? butler: uhh... you know, uhhh.. it's hard. [long pause. eventually he follows up with comments about playing defense]. CBut was a pretty good player in Miami but he never really reached his full potential with the Lakers. maybe because he was redundant on a team w/ 8 guards. for the record: the lakers still aren't the best team in LA.

in unrelated news, Sasha Vujacic of the lakers looks like my friend Kevin's identical twin. except kevin is about 6 feet tall. I will bring this up with Kevin immediately if not sooner.

and now for some Dick. not too much, but just enough to keep the firedickvitale fires burning.
he really outdoes himself in his column about the contenders and the pretenders. the opening paragraph starts out promising.

At this time of the season, fans look at different schools and try to figure out which are legitimate contenders and which are pretenders. There are many teams that post gaudy numbers, with plenty of early wins. They may have just one L and it could be misleading. After further review, they have played a lot of cupcakes to make their record look good.

so far so good. this is true, and if the dick can point out which teams fit this description, the so called "pretenders", then we might have an opportunity to review some cogent analysis.

Then there are teams that have faced more marquee competition and suffered a few poundings. I know it is Christmas time and everyone is in a joyous mood. Some schools have loaded up on bargain basement goodies, getting all of those Ws, and then reality sets in. We will find out about several teams, seeing if they are legitimate. Time will tell about some of these squads.

still not good writing but I get it. let's talk about who's pretending!

Look at Tennessee, off to a great start under first-year coach Bruce Pearl. The Vols have a dynamic backcourt in C. J. Watson and Chris Lofton. Tennessee has a couple of tough tests ahead, at Texas and against Eddie Sutton's Oklahoma State Cowboys, at Oklahoma City.

wait, what? so is Tennessee a contender or a pretender? they're off to a good start but they have a "tough" test ahead? what does that even mean? contender vs. pretender question: unanswered.

Pittsburgh is off to a good run. Jamie Dixon's squad has a test at South Carolina and at home on New Year's Eve against Wisconsin. Carl Krauser and company have won seven in a row. La Salle opened well, but Villanova is on the docket December 22nd. Underrated Steven Smith will be tested against the Wildcats. Clemson has a big win over South Carolina, but we'll have to see what happens at the San Juan Shootout, at surprising Georgia and of course, ACC play. Texas A&M has had few early tests, so we will have to see if the Aggies are for real.

what does all this crap mean? you're telling me teams that started well have challenging games coming up. is that the same thing as being a contender or a pretender? this goes on for a few more paragraphs but I don't have the patience to list it all here. just imagine that I paste a bunch of waffle about some high-profile college basketball teams (and basketball camps). some are good. some are not so good. you'll never know which is which if you listen to Dick Vitale. lame.

thanks for reading. if you have a column idea or a sweet topic, just email me or post a comment.