happy birthday

Someecards makes birthdays fun again. So good.

Here's their corporate profile:

Someecards may or may not be the greatest thing since ecards. It was created by Brook Lundy and Duncan Mitchell and a dollar and a half-assed dream. New cards, categories, and features will be frequently added until everyone involved with the site dies.

Stealth Mode

This is relatively new but it's extremely popular so you might have seen it.
I laughed.

Jesus is a friend of mine

This is for all you christian rockers out there.
If you can get through the whole thing then Jesus loves you for sure.

new required reading: Then We Came to the End

Finished Then We Came to the End by Joshua Ferris. Outstanding book. It's one of the rare books that is so true I recommend it to anyone who wants to get a feel for day to day office politics. In that regard it's a little like the tv show The Office, but more real. Also recommended to anyone that wants an enjoyable, engaging read. You can file it next to High Fidelity in the art-imitates-life section of your library.

It's possible that the book won't engage you at all. Some people don't have the patience for it. I didn't have the patience for Into the Wild because the main character was an aimless clown that didn't care enough to look after himself, so why should I bother to care about him?

I bought a used copy of TWCttE ($3! only) but I'll probably buy the book new to give as a gift, support the cause, encourage the author. Because widespread critical acclaim isn't enough.

Did USC cover last night?

I can't remember. USC was favored in the game by 25 points. How did that turn out?

(photo courtesy AP - via the Oregon State Athletics website)

Douchebaggery on Parade: quidditch teams

This has been kicking around the internets for a while. It finally made it over the Guardian as a item of interest, so it's officially an international phenomenon. And by that I mean it's the dumbest fucking thing I've seen since I first heard about it a year ago. Congratulations douchebags. You run around with a broom between your legs and chase a ball? Why a broom? Oh. I get it now.

I wish they had that when I was in college. Because binge drinking and making out with pretty girls is soooooooo tedious. I hated doing that shit in college. I was constantly trying to figure out ways to "further unify the student body". Hmmm... maybe not.

Fantasy Football Feels My Wraf

Remember when this little thing we're doing here in cyberspace was funny? When it wasn't all politics and death and sadness? Me too. I remember it fondly. We're doing our best to keep it light but sometimes the real world intrudes.

From the I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing file I give you this weeks victory in Fantasy Football (hooray for Schweaty Balls)*. I know, I know - FF is only slightly less interesting than the dream I had last night or my NCAA tournament bracket, but still. Look at that margin of victory. Now note that the whole contest was complete except for LJ Smith's "contribution" on Monday night. That's right: after Sunday's games I needed 1 point to win this week and I got... 1 point. That's the kind of domination I'm talking about, people.

I went ahead and cut LJ after his feeble performance. Someone else in the league might need his magic.

*Yes the team is really called the Schweaty Balls. That's a photo of Pete Schweaty, looking sexy in flannel. He wasn't intimidated by that no-neck goon on the other team. He had balls on his side.

Intelligence takes it on the chin. Again. - David Foster Wallace found dead in his home

David Foster Wallace was found dead by his wife yesterday. He hanged himself.

This brings me down.

I didn't get as much out of his fiction as some other people. It is dense and difficult to parse. But his essays were brilliant, as was his nonfiction. In the same way that jazz is an acquired taste, his fiction does not reward the casual reader; his essays are much more accessible. Also insightful. And funny. His short stories are also difficult, in that they are occasionally related, oddly paced and hard to follow.

If you wrote a story in DFW-style in high school and submitted it you would get a failing grade. If you submitted the same story in college you might pass, depending on whether or not the teacher thought you were doing it intentionally. His stories were like that: if you didn't know he was doing it on purpose you'd think he was off his rocker. But his essays were consistently brilliant.

You can make comparisons to John Kennedy Toole or some other tortured writer if you want to. I think that's an oversimplification; borrowing from Tolstoy: each person is unhappy in their own way. It may be that Wallace was having a hard time living up to his own promise. We'll never know. And that's a sadness.
He was 46.

"... and the hammer is made of wank"

Yahtzee brings the pain to Too Human this week.

I pre-ordered the game but decided against buying it after reviews were shit. Plus my friend bought it so I can borrow his copy. Thanks Jeff!

I had to take a break from posting after all the politics.
Are they having elections this year? I can't remember. It's not in the news or anything.

hit the books - Into the Wild and The Shock Doctrine

Way behind on the blogging the past couple weeks. Had the friends in from out of town. Somehow being out all hours led to me getting sick. Weird how that works. In any case, we're getting caught up. I know that 2 (of 4) regular readers are looking for book recommendations.

Don't bother with Into the Wild. Krakauer has written some outstanding books, but Wild is not one of them. The main character is a whiny, self-obsessed idiot. (You'd think I would be more understanding since we have so much in common.) No fewer than 1,197 people have rated this book on Amazon and almost half of them gave it 5 stars. The book is described as "haunting" and "poignant". I don't know what's haunting about a spoiled, judgmental rich kid going to Alaska and starving himself to death. I heard the movie was much better than the book. It would have to be. The book is well written but it's a testament to Krakauer that he was able to stretch it into book length. The magazine piece was more than enough.

Highly recommended: The Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein. She lays the left-wing righteousness on a bit thick at times but it's still a good read. Her reporting is excellent, and her facts are thoroughly researched. Sometimes I want to redline all the adjectives and adverbs so that I can straight to the facts without all the bluster. Even so, this is a great book.

Behemoth Chicken, Cont'd, plus Castle Crashers

The Behemoth finally released Castle Crashers. They had some initial problems but I hear it's working now. Dan Paladin and the rest of the team kick ass.* Get your wallpapers here. The art is superb.

When the game launched my blog traffic went up because people were searching for The Behemoth Chicken (who wields a sword in the intro to the new game). So here it is again. Along with another image courtesy the Behemoth website.

All images copyright Dan Paladin and Behemoth Software. Don't dare use them without credit or you will for sure go to hell and get your site pummeled by powerful nerds (not me - I'm a mid-level tech geek). Steal images from Wal-Mart or Sony, not independent game developers.

*Wanted to type list of other team members but there's no list on your website & I'm not enough of a kissass to get it from the game itself. I had to draw the line somewhere.

outstanding work

I went to a wedding a couple months ago in Catalina. I drank so much over that weekend that I took the following two months off.

My friend's wife keeps sending me pictures of me sweating on the dancefloor, hugging it out with my peeps, etc. These little reminders drift in by ones and twos as they get forwarded to her and she sorts them out. She's really great about sending the photos even if you can barely see me. This latest is my favorite. The favoriteness is further enhanced by the fact that The Guy That Rules is slightly out of the frame, married, and definitely not married to the girl he's giving the business.
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In other news, I got in a discussion with the OC's Most Eligible Bachelor yesterday. He was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple, so sometimes it's hard to explain things to him. I told him that having kids at a young age has a negative impact on a woman's lifetime earning potential. I said that women that have kids young are less likely to finish high school, less likely to finish college, and thus don't get the same job opportunities as girls that do finish college. Simple enough, right? You would think so. He said it was "laughable, left-wing opinion". (That is a direct quote, not taken out of context.) My bad. I had no idea teen pregnancy, education, and poverty were funny. I wish I were rich AND ignorant. I could find humor in anything!

Tourists

Had some friends visiting from London last week. They went shopping at Abercrombie (wtf?) and when I registered my confusion they said that they don't have Abercrombie overseas so it plays well there. Good to know.

Getting matching pink shorts wasn't nearly gay enough so they took their shirts off and got a photo in front of the store. I asked if the staff had anything to say about it and they said they were "really unimpressed". You can't take yourself too seriously. Good times.

And while we're at it...

I'm ready for the GOP to nominate a candidate for president that didn't ride his daddys coattails for the first 40 years of his life. And was at least an above-average student when he was in college.

McCain got into the Naval Academy because his father and grandfather were big shots. He rewarded their nepotism by graduating 894th out of a class of 899. What's his excuse? He's not dumb but he didn't feel like trying very hard? I guess you could argue that since he's 80 years old it was a long time ago, doesn't matter any more. And he acquitted himself well after he got a sweet gig as a naval aviator (thanks Dad!) so you can't say he was a total fuckup. Still, there's something to be said for high achievers, even at a young age.

If you're really bored you can chart McCain's post-war career.

The convention coverage is awesome. I'm going with NPR because they make a real effort to be impartial. (That's what happens when you're publicly funded: you don't have to push an agenda, unless you're a DA in the Bush administration.)

So much noise, so little signal. This from NPR:
President Bush Tuesday night hailed Sen. John McCain as "the man we need."
Need for what, exactly? Need to fix your epic blunders?

Former Democratic vice presidential nominee Joe Lieberman told delegates at the GOP convention that he was backing McCain "because country matters more than party."
That's from the guy that couldn't win his own party's primary in his home state so he ran as an independent and won anyway. Fuck Connecticutt.

That's a lot of text and no laughs. Check back in 24 hours. It'll be dick jokes galore. I promise.

Politics are good for you

We're political today. If you want your blog experience to be more light-hearted and obnoxious, come back in 24 hours.
thx.
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I've been busy but things are settling down. Last week was the big event for Barack Obama, this week it's John McCain. I don't much care for the conventions because it's just a big political jerkoff, but I was glad to see that Joe Lieberman spoke for John McCain. Nice work, shitbag. And then GW gave McCain a ringing endorsement. I'd expect people to figure out that 8 years of bad leadership should not be followed up by 4 years of someone that thinks the past 8 years were good, but the US public already elected GW twice, so there's no accounting for taste.

In other news, Ron Paul had a big rally. I don't know who he is. Apparently he's against "big government", but that's just an excuse to roll back social programs. I'm all for cutting taxes and responsible spending, but before we eliminate social programs (fuck the poor!) maybe we should cut back a bit on our national defense budget. Because we spend more on national defense than EVERY OTHER COUNTRY IN THE WORLD PUT TOGETHER. I'm going to write that again three times in case you missed it:

We spend more on national defense than EVERY OTHER COUNTRY IN THE WORLD PUT TOGETHER.

We spend more on national defense than EVERY OTHER COUNTRY IN THE WORLD PUT TOGETHER.

We spend more on national defense than EVERY OTHER COUNTRY IN THE WORLD PUT TOGETHER.

I'd rather keep the social programs because I'm more concerned about the kid that grows up without a family or proper leadership and turns to crime than I am about terrorists. Because I've never seen a terrorist, but I see the kids that didn't get a proper education all the time.