the IRS says I owe $10,390 in back taxes

I don't know if I ever mentioned that I bought a house. It took about 7 years to save the down payment, and I had to pay off my student loans and car along the way, but whatever. I had some help from my folks (no rent for a while). Some people have it easier, some tougher. That's life. Anyway, that ended up being a spetacularly bad financial decision with no end in sight. But the best part (so far) is how the bad news just keeps on coming. Things in the house break, roommates are douchebags, loan rates go up, property values go down, and you learn what "upside down" means. (It means the same thing as "negative equity", but sounds less snooty.) It's a relatively common thing in cars, not so much real estate. I'm unique!

Anyway, roommate douchebaggery wasn't even the most annoying thing about this week. not even close. the most annoying thing was yesterday when I got a letter from the IRS saying I owe them $10,390 in back taxes/penalties/interest. Payable by 25 April. Gotta love the IRS. I fedex'd the info to my accountant today, and I am sure that the IRS is full of shit.

how is this related to the house? when i was pinching pennies to save for a down payment, my "financial adviser" told me to "put the money to work". so I did and invested in mutual funds. For my down payment, I sold the funds, and used the money. here's a flow chart:

post-tax paycheck money saved > buy mutual funds > sell mutual funds > money returned by UBS

That last part UBS reported to the IRS as income. The IRS is claiming that should be taxed like I got it in a paycheck. After they already taxed it once. So they want to double up, which is retarded. You tax the GAIN on investments, not the total investment. (For the record, after fees and hassle, I lost money on the deal.)

It's like if you buy a car, drive it for a while, and then when you sell the car the IRS gets to tax all the money you make on the sale as income. umm, not so much.

So now I'm being audited. Yeah. is that awesome? because it feels awesome. Thanks, UBS, for f'ing me over. i'm really glad I "put my money to work" with you. It's working out really well. I'm going to invest with you again when I have money. At my current rate, that will happen in my next lifetime.

the icing on the cake: If I don't have $10,390 sitting around, I can get on a payment plan with the IRS, but it costs $152. Fill out form, send in check. yeah. I love the government, too.