It's decorative gourd season, motherf*ckers

This is years old now but it's still great. I was reminded of it when I saw a lovely gourd arrangement at the local Trader Joe's. It's 85 degrees outside but who cares what the weather says when you have a calendar? Not your local retailer.

Can't be copied in full here because it is McSweeney's IP. Click through for the maximum awesome.

An excerpt:


I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I’m about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it’s gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is—fucking fall. There’s a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash.