25 April 2006
"our addiction to oil is a matter of national security concern" - Mr. G. W. Bush
greetings from the OC. we're coming to you from a new office, w/ a new desk, etc and so forth. glad you could make it. i'm listening to the Matisyahu cd. it's surprisingly good; definitely the best reggae cd by a white hasidic jew that I have ever heard. i think he appreciates the musics history. most of his fans, the ones that think he's the best thing ever, not so much.
lots of fun stuff to talk about this week. none of it is interesting to you, so i'll get right back to the same old, same old.
The leader of the free world just isn't much of a public speaker. He is supposed to be very charming in person. Clinton was a magnetic speaker on the tee vee, and I've read that he is amazing in person: magnetic, charismatic, etc. i dunno. they won't let me near either one of them, because of that other thing. anyway, GW's leading quote on CNN today is the title of today's blog. speaking in public is tough, because you end up being quoted and quotes of spoken language don't read too well. so we'll just let it go for now.
I'm pretty sure that the best way to keep gas prices down is to not destabilize the region where most of that gas comes from. pretty sure. now that it's been destabilized, the best way to lower prices would be to try to re-stabilize, which is tricky when you've stepped on your dick in one country (Iraq), and you're talking about nuking it's even-more-psycho neighbor (Iran).
don't get me wrong: I like Iran, because it's nice to have an international figure running his mouth when he's more stupid than Bush. I also like how Iranian people call themselves "persian". When was the last time we had a Persia, anyway? that's like me telling people I'm celtic (hard c in celtic, thanks). it hasn't been PC to be Iranian since that unpleasantness back in the late 70's. but I digress...
getting back to the high gas prices issue, let's look again at his plan. he's going to suspend deposits to the reserves. (according to cnn) that's 30k barrels per day, in a country that burns 21 MILLION per day. again, i'm no math major, but saving one tenth of one percent of whatever you're using doesn't look like a viable savings plan to me. (the actual number is so small my calculator bugged out and gave me some scientific notation, which I will reproduce here, just for kicks: 1.428471E-3)
this blog is getting long, so I'll reproduce CNNs summary of the plan here:
The plan calls for making sure consumers and taxpayers are treated fairly, promoting greater fuel efficiency, boosting the U.S. gasoline supply and investing aggressively in gasoline alternatives.
if you're still reading you're either my mom or unemployed. thanks.
lots of fun stuff to talk about this week. none of it is interesting to you, so i'll get right back to the same old, same old.
The leader of the free world just isn't much of a public speaker. He is supposed to be very charming in person. Clinton was a magnetic speaker on the tee vee, and I've read that he is amazing in person: magnetic, charismatic, etc. i dunno. they won't let me near either one of them, because of that other thing. anyway, GW's leading quote on CNN today is the title of today's blog. speaking in public is tough, because you end up being quoted and quotes of spoken language don't read too well. so we'll just let it go for now.
I'm pretty sure that the best way to keep gas prices down is to not destabilize the region where most of that gas comes from. pretty sure. now that it's been destabilized, the best way to lower prices would be to try to re-stabilize, which is tricky when you've stepped on your dick in one country (Iraq), and you're talking about nuking it's even-more-psycho neighbor (Iran).
don't get me wrong: I like Iran, because it's nice to have an international figure running his mouth when he's more stupid than Bush. I also like how Iranian people call themselves "persian". When was the last time we had a Persia, anyway? that's like me telling people I'm celtic (hard c in celtic, thanks). it hasn't been PC to be Iranian since that unpleasantness back in the late 70's. but I digress...
getting back to the high gas prices issue, let's look again at his plan. he's going to suspend deposits to the reserves. (according to cnn) that's 30k barrels per day, in a country that burns 21 MILLION per day. again, i'm no math major, but saving one tenth of one percent of whatever you're using doesn't look like a viable savings plan to me. (the actual number is so small my calculator bugged out and gave me some scientific notation, which I will reproduce here, just for kicks: 1.428471E-3)
this blog is getting long, so I'll reproduce CNNs summary of the plan here:
The plan calls for making sure consumers and taxpayers are treated fairly, promoting greater fuel efficiency, boosting the U.S. gasoline supply and investing aggressively in gasoline alternatives.
- treated fairly? by oil companies? whatever.
- greater fuel efficiency? good luck with that. this is the only thing on the list that will actually work: stop using so much gas.
- boosting US gasoline supply? the best way to overcome consumption of a non-renewable resource is to increase production? GW, go rob Peter to pay Paul.
- Invest in alternatives? I guess. ethanol isn't it. but you never know. what about biodiesel? what about NOT DRIVING HUGE EFFING CARS EVERYWHERE and then crying about it when gas prices go up when the president you elected freaks out and invades a country after he goes to war on a concept (terror)? no? my bad.
if you're still reading you're either my mom or unemployed. thanks.
21 April 2006
For Sale By Idiot
the interweb has eliminated the middleman in a lot of transactions, and that is good news for everybody. unfortunately, it has also given people the opportunity to display their idiocy in prominent, exceptional ways. for example, the guy around the corner from my townhouse here in Costa Mesa has listed his property on forsalebyowner.com, and his descriptive paragraph is everything you need to know about why you should get a realtor and/or a high-school education. here it is:
Newer Paint Interier and Exterier.The Property is located just minutes from South Coast Plaza in the highly desired South Coast Metro area. Many upgrades, a must see. Priced right for quick sale. Great starter home. Check dates for open houses or call for private tour. To view more pictures go to www.forsalebyowner.com. Listing ID#20593283.
the most annoying thing about all this is that the douchebag that posted this will NOT get full value for his home, which will bring down property values, which affects all the homeowners in a negative way (i.e. me). it's good for buyers and retards, though. it gives them hope.
also in his description, he lists a "clubhouse... patio ... spa/jacuzzi ... tennis courts". let's take these one by one: clubhouse I have been in once for an HOA meeting; it looks like an old set from threes company: the 70's never left, they're right there, in the "clubhouse".
patio: the patio actually exists and doesn't suck. weird.
spa/jacuzzi: are these the same thing? too lazy to look it up. google takes so loooooooooong.
tennis courts: yes, there are two tennis courts. they haven't seen any tennis since first Bush was president. again, a picture would be great but I can't do it. just imagine the most overgrown, leaf-strewn, dirty tennis court you've ever seen. that's the village creek tennis courts.
what Mr. Deal (contact name for property - Daniel Deal - I can't make this stuff up) doesn't mention is the water treatments and fake creeks in the back. they are a legitimate selling point. too obvious, I guess.
don't get me wrong, most realtors are useless, but if they do a good job then they can make you, and save you, a lot of money. on the other hand, they can really f you around. i guess it's better to just f yourself, like Mr. Let's Make a Deal is doing.
Newer Paint Interier and Exterier.The Property is located just minutes from South Coast Plaza in the highly desired South Coast Metro area. Many upgrades, a must see. Priced right for quick sale. Great starter home. Check dates for open houses or call for private tour. To view more pictures go to www.forsalebyowner.com. Listing ID#20593283.
the most annoying thing about all this is that the douchebag that posted this will NOT get full value for his home, which will bring down property values, which affects all the homeowners in a negative way (i.e. me). it's good for buyers and retards, though. it gives them hope.
also in his description, he lists a "clubhouse... patio ... spa/jacuzzi ... tennis courts". let's take these one by one: clubhouse I have been in once for an HOA meeting; it looks like an old set from threes company: the 70's never left, they're right there, in the "clubhouse".
patio: the patio actually exists and doesn't suck. weird.
spa/jacuzzi: are these the same thing? too lazy to look it up. google takes so loooooooooong.
tennis courts: yes, there are two tennis courts. they haven't seen any tennis since first Bush was president. again, a picture would be great but I can't do it. just imagine the most overgrown, leaf-strewn, dirty tennis court you've ever seen. that's the village creek tennis courts.
what Mr. Deal (contact name for property - Daniel Deal - I can't make this stuff up) doesn't mention is the water treatments and fake creeks in the back. they are a legitimate selling point. too obvious, I guess.
don't get me wrong, most realtors are useless, but if they do a good job then they can make you, and save you, a lot of money. on the other hand, they can really f you around. i guess it's better to just f yourself, like Mr. Let's Make a Deal is doing.
20 April 2006
i've been away, but I still love you
greetings from post-op.
i haven't posted for a while b/c I've been recovering from Monday's back surgery. doc says it went well, no surprises, and i'm now on the road to recovery.
the road to recovery is paved with oversized vicodin pills. sweet. sort of. they give me hiccups, which is annoying. and I'd really rather take vickies when I don't have pain to suppress. it's not as good when you can't get around very well. in any case, I haven't had much to write about, until my buddy Sam told me I should just post whatever pops into my head when I'm strung out on opiates. good idea, Sam. so here we go:
got some interesting feedback on the weird note that my friend Jetta Driving Jen sent me. Jen lives in Austin, and I haven't seen her in a while, but I'll bet she still looks pretty good. for the record, she was ridiculously good looking in college.
anyway, here's more from her stalker, which she was nice enough to type out and forward:
"Those four or five moments a week that I see you have
become one of the highlights of my day. I can't resist
watching you - something about your purposeful stride,
the look in your eye, the sidelong glance you seem to
throw me as you pass - I love these moments, and I
look forwrad to them each day. To me, they are
magical. Its as if - almost as if - everything around
you dissolves into slow motion. The sounds of birds or
nearby conversation cease while you walk from your car
inside to buy your lunch.
A part of me wants all this to stay just as it is - to
live those short, intense moments that last only for a
few heartbeats, and then fade for 24 hours.
But another part of me is filled with curiosity. I try
to imagine your name, the sound of your voice, what
interests you, what makes you laugh, what music you
play over and over. But to discover those things, I
have to risk ending those precious moments of quiet
anonymity when we are in the same place at the same
time.
So I have been trying the last few years to live a new
philosophy - Gulp from Life - Don't Sip. Maybe sharing these
thoughts with you is a small gulp, but it's not a sip.
-Your lunch time admirer."
goodness gracious sakes alive.
latest word is that the cops said he was a weirdo for sure, but she hasn't heard anything. she's still a lot paranoid, but she's working through it. crazy.
thanks for reading. I'll post more as I start to feel a little better.
call me if you're bored. I'm not up to much. xoxo -c-
i haven't posted for a while b/c I've been recovering from Monday's back surgery. doc says it went well, no surprises, and i'm now on the road to recovery.
the road to recovery is paved with oversized vicodin pills. sweet. sort of. they give me hiccups, which is annoying. and I'd really rather take vickies when I don't have pain to suppress. it's not as good when you can't get around very well. in any case, I haven't had much to write about, until my buddy Sam told me I should just post whatever pops into my head when I'm strung out on opiates. good idea, Sam. so here we go:
- best not to make any sudden moves when you've got 12 staples in your back. this seems self explanatory, but when I was taking my old-man stroll this morning and somebody's dog rushed me I forgot and flinched. oops.
- hiccups suck. a lot.
- I heart naps.
- I want to gulp from life, not sip.
- look for the lakers to give the suns a run for their money in the playoffs. maybe.
got some interesting feedback on the weird note that my friend Jetta Driving Jen sent me. Jen lives in Austin, and I haven't seen her in a while, but I'll bet she still looks pretty good. for the record, she was ridiculously good looking in college.
anyway, here's more from her stalker, which she was nice enough to type out and forward:
"Those four or five moments a week that I see you have
become one of the highlights of my day. I can't resist
watching you - something about your purposeful stride,
the look in your eye, the sidelong glance you seem to
throw me as you pass - I love these moments, and I
look forwrad to them each day. To me, they are
magical. Its as if - almost as if - everything around
you dissolves into slow motion. The sounds of birds or
nearby conversation cease while you walk from your car
inside to buy your lunch.
A part of me wants all this to stay just as it is - to
live those short, intense moments that last only for a
few heartbeats, and then fade for 24 hours.
But another part of me is filled with curiosity. I try
to imagine your name, the sound of your voice, what
interests you, what makes you laugh, what music you
play over and over. But to discover those things, I
have to risk ending those precious moments of quiet
anonymity when we are in the same place at the same
time.
So I have been trying the last few years to live a new
philosophy - Gulp from Life - Don't Sip. Maybe sharing these
thoughts with you is a small gulp, but it's not a sip.
-Your lunch time admirer."
goodness gracious sakes alive.
latest word is that the cops said he was a weirdo for sure, but she hasn't heard anything. she's still a lot paranoid, but she's working through it. crazy.
thanks for reading. I'll post more as I start to feel a little better.
call me if you're bored. I'm not up to much. xoxo -c-
12 April 2006
so much good stuff; plus, weirdos!
some weeks I don't have a lot of stuff to write about in the 'blog, and by "blog" I mean "monument to self". this was not one of those weeks. I've just been busy moving offices, doing dr stuff, traveling, and (perish the thought) getting work done. rad.
first, a quick update on the 40 year old from 7 weeks ago: she's done with her surgery and feeling good about herself. I know this because she told me. we exchanged numbers all those weeks ago and now we're casual friends. it's easy to be friends w/ women that you don't have a sexual interest in. I'll let you know how she looks when we go to lunch in the next couple weeks or so (after the swelling goes down a little more). she's happy, so that's good. she spent $20g on surgery, so she should be happy. she should be effing ecstatic.
in other news, my white jetta driving friend Jen has a stalker. (who doesn't know a girl named Jen? and a girl that drives a jetta? whatever - Jen is cool.) this weirdo has managed to strike just the right note of desperation and creepy obesssion. I was going to add my own comments but I realized the awfulness would shine through all on its own. I really, really liked #2. I think it's my new shorthand for "complete douchebag".
anyway, here's her email:
-----------------------------
hmm....what else is new in my world...well, I have a
stalker. That's right. A stalker. I'll include his
latest note he left on my car at work:
#6 is the creepiest given this is my (or should i say
was my) exact routine every day.
"Top 10 Reasons why you should email me and/or say
hello at lunch some time"
10. Because I'm not a serial killer or an
axe-murderer.
9. I'm actually reasonably polite, often nice, usually
sarcastic, sometimes intelligent, occasionally
interesting, very well traveled & i don't smell bad.
8. Maybe we're long lost Siamese twins separated by
birth.
7. Because I dont' really care if you have a
boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, 14 children or 20
adopted kittens - i'm just curious who you are.
6. So I can stop obsessing about being at Whole Foods
every day between 11:45 & 12:15.
5. Because i know some funny stories and a couple good
jokes.
4. Maybe you don't speak english - no problem. I can
butcher my way through spanish, french, italian,
german, and i can embarrass myself thoroughly in
portugese, danish and i used to be able to count to
10,000 in bahasa, count to 5 in quechua and i can
still count to 3 in mandarin.
3. Because i used to own a VW.
2. To gulp from life, not sip.
1. So I can stop thinking of you as "White Jetta Whole
Foods Salad Bar Girl."
Yeah. His earlier note basically professed his undying
obsession & devotion to "living for those few moments"
he sees me everday. great.
this is actually my life. i have a stalker. awesome.
--------------------------
oh snap!
thanks for reading.
first, a quick update on the 40 year old from 7 weeks ago: she's done with her surgery and feeling good about herself. I know this because she told me. we exchanged numbers all those weeks ago and now we're casual friends. it's easy to be friends w/ women that you don't have a sexual interest in. I'll let you know how she looks when we go to lunch in the next couple weeks or so (after the swelling goes down a little more). she's happy, so that's good. she spent $20g on surgery, so she should be happy. she should be effing ecstatic.
in other news, my white jetta driving friend Jen has a stalker. (who doesn't know a girl named Jen? and a girl that drives a jetta? whatever - Jen is cool.) this weirdo has managed to strike just the right note of desperation and creepy obesssion. I was going to add my own comments but I realized the awfulness would shine through all on its own. I really, really liked #2. I think it's my new shorthand for "complete douchebag".
anyway, here's her email:
-----------------------------
hmm....what else is new in my world...well, I have a
stalker. That's right. A stalker. I'll include his
latest note he left on my car at work:
#6 is the creepiest given this is my (or should i say
was my) exact routine every day.
"Top 10 Reasons why you should email me and/or say
hello at lunch some time"
10. Because I'm not a serial killer or an
axe-murderer.
9. I'm actually reasonably polite, often nice, usually
sarcastic, sometimes intelligent, occasionally
interesting, very well traveled & i don't smell bad.
8. Maybe we're long lost Siamese twins separated by
birth.
7. Because I dont' really care if you have a
boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, 14 children or 20
adopted kittens - i'm just curious who you are.
6. So I can stop obsessing about being at Whole Foods
every day between 11:45 & 12:15.
5. Because i know some funny stories and a couple good
jokes.
4. Maybe you don't speak english - no problem. I can
butcher my way through spanish, french, italian,
german, and i can embarrass myself thoroughly in
portugese, danish and i used to be able to count to
10,000 in bahasa, count to 5 in quechua and i can
still count to 3 in mandarin.
3. Because i used to own a VW.
2. To gulp from life, not sip.
1. So I can stop thinking of you as "White Jetta Whole
Foods Salad Bar Girl."
Yeah. His earlier note basically professed his undying
obsession & devotion to "living for those few moments"
he sees me everday. great.
this is actually my life. i have a stalker. awesome.
--------------------------
oh snap!
thanks for reading.
06 April 2006
red flags
because I'm such a huge success at dating I thought it would be fun to go over some Dating Red Flags*. not for any particular reason, except maybe as a reminder to myself. anyway, in no particular order, here's some stuff to look out for, and/or that I've encountered in my dating life:
thanks for reading.
* = if you follow my dating advice you may be condemned to the same dating "success" that I have, so take all this with a grain of salt.
- an open sore on her face - I went on a first date with a girl and she had a "cold sore". she should have had the good sense to reschedule, put her best foot forward, etc. she had some issues she was working through, no doubt about that. I found out later that she was a lesbian. (really)
- a girl that takes more than an hour to get ready - if you can't take a shower, get your hair sorted, get dressed, and get your makeup on in sixty minutes or less then we can't hang out. The problem with a girl that takes a really long time to get ready is that she probably...
- looks super weathered in the AM - if you look really rugged first thing in the morning then that's a Red Flag for sure. if a girl looks cute w/ her makeup all smeared and her hair all over the place, then she's a keeper. side note: close friend was telling me about his crazy roommate, and saying she meets guys on myspace and she's constantly meeting new guys and they only last for 2 weeks, and then they bounce. I said yeah for sure, she's cuter in pictures than in person. He says, no, it's not that; they bounce after they stay the night and see her the morning after. ohhh, snap!
- girl that doesn't work out - trust me honey, it'll catch up with you someday. and by then it'll be too late, b/c it's much, much harder to lose weight than it is to stay in shape.
- girl that doesn't eat - please, eat something.
- girl that has a miniature dog she treats like a child - you, as the new guy, will be competing for the dog's attention. forever. you're better off dating a girl that has a kid. note: if the girl has a full-sized dog then it's okay. you can take the dog for walks, hang out, etc. it's the toy dogs, and their owners, you need to avoid.
- girl that thinks cosmo is gospel, and/or that thinks she is "just like" a character on Sex and the City - Cosmo is full of lies from the pit of hell, and it's just crazy to think that you are someone on TV. I think I stopped dreaming about being someone on TV when Knight Rider went off the air in 1986. I was 12.
thanks for reading.
* = if you follow my dating advice you may be condemned to the same dating "success" that I have, so take all this with a grain of salt.
04 April 2006
do you know what time it is? this guy doesn't....
ran into a post on the Guardian (not the Bay Area Guardian - GJAW is international, remember?) about a guy that took forty thousand hits of ecstasy. as in, 40,000. as in, up to 25 a day at one point. who could afford it? here's an excerpt from the article:
Though the man, who is now 37, stopped taking the drug seven years ago, he still suffers from severe physical and mental health side-effects, including extreme memory problems, paranoia, hallucinations and depression. He also suffers from painful muscle rigidity around his neck and jaw which often prevents him from opening his mouth. The doctors believe many of these symptoms may be permanent.
Yikes! it turns out that the guy also smoked a lot of weed, and there's no way to know if that also contributed to his memory loss. also, it's not mentioned directly, but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that a guy doing 20 hits a day, and smoking weed, is also shooting/snorting/swallowing/smoking whatever else he can get his grubby, money-filled hands on. personal side note: i, ahh, know people that know people that do recreational drugs, and they are not very particular about mixing their poison, so to speak. it's not a clinical trial, controlled conditions, etc and so forth. it's more like watching a comptetitive eating contest on late-night ESPN: excessive, and you feel like you better stand back or you'll get sucked in.
so we're not talking about just an epic E bender for Mr. A (guy in the article). also, I think 40k is a little high (pardon the pun! HONK!). let's cut the estimate down by 25%. damn. 30,000 hits of e. that's a lot. let's do the math: at 2 pounds a pill (the going rate for hits in London), he took, umm, let's see, carry the one, add several zeroes, lose appetite, start sweating just thinking about it, ahhhh... about $120,000 in drugs. where did all the money come from? he had to be a dealer or a rich kid, or both.
moral of the story: don't do enough drugs to wire the entire city of Oshkosh, WI (est. pop 63,916).
thanks for reading.
Though the man, who is now 37, stopped taking the drug seven years ago, he still suffers from severe physical and mental health side-effects, including extreme memory problems, paranoia, hallucinations and depression. He also suffers from painful muscle rigidity around his neck and jaw which often prevents him from opening his mouth. The doctors believe many of these symptoms may be permanent.
Yikes! it turns out that the guy also smoked a lot of weed, and there's no way to know if that also contributed to his memory loss. also, it's not mentioned directly, but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that a guy doing 20 hits a day, and smoking weed, is also shooting/snorting/swallowing/smoking whatever else he can get his grubby, money-filled hands on. personal side note: i, ahh, know people that know people that do recreational drugs, and they are not very particular about mixing their poison, so to speak. it's not a clinical trial, controlled conditions, etc and so forth. it's more like watching a comptetitive eating contest on late-night ESPN: excessive, and you feel like you better stand back or you'll get sucked in.
so we're not talking about just an epic E bender for Mr. A (guy in the article). also, I think 40k is a little high (pardon the pun! HONK!). let's cut the estimate down by 25%. damn. 30,000 hits of e. that's a lot. let's do the math: at 2 pounds a pill (the going rate for hits in London), he took, umm, let's see, carry the one, add several zeroes, lose appetite, start sweating just thinking about it, ahhhh... about $120,000 in drugs. where did all the money come from? he had to be a dealer or a rich kid, or both.
moral of the story: don't do enough drugs to wire the entire city of Oshkosh, WI (est. pop 63,916).
thanks for reading.
03 April 2006
the new single mom in my condo complex is kinda hot...
I don't know where this girl's babydaddy is, but she brought her little ones to my back porch yesterday, looking for a handout. maybe dad was out looking to score. I dunno.
I snapped a photo so I could show you how we hold it down in CM.
also, since I'm a fan of single moms, I went ahead and threw some bread back there. mom isn't too picky, since she also ate some kind of leaf off the back porch. what the heck? after she ate they all wandered over to the little creek (background) and paddled away. awwwww! cute!
okay get back to work.
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