Rollergirl is 40 today

Somebody had a birthday!
Heather Graham turned 40 today. Which gives me an excuse to post this picture. It is barely safe for work but 100% safe for jesus-christ-that-girl-is-outrageously-good-looking.

The female readership can feel free to scroll on down. Or Google "Christiano Ronaldo Armani" if you're feeling left out.

Something for everyone!

Roger Federer as Religious Experience

J. D. Salinger died this week. I don't know that I could be less affected by this non-event. I always thought Catcher in the Rye was a phony pile of horseshit, mostly because it's about a rich, prep-school, 'disaffected' teen and I grew up not-rich, not prep-school, and would have given a lot for either, never mind both. So reading 180 pages of someone complaining about how tough they have it (when they really didn't have it tough at all) never sat very well with me. Teenagers like it because it explains one of the harsh lessons you learn in adolescence; specifically: while you are the center of your own universe, you're not the center of THE universe. As my kind and generous father would have said: "Whatever. Go blend me a margarita."

In unrelated news, Roger Federer has romped to the final of another major tournament (2010 Australian Open), which gives us an opportunity to revisit one of my all-time favorite authors. This 2006 piece by D. F. Wallace doesn't finish as strongly as it starts, but it's still superb. An example:

Anyway, that’s one example of a Federer Moment, and that was merely on TV — and the truth is that TV tennis is to live tennis pretty much as video porn is to the felt reality of human love.

Thanks for reading.

Time for some jiu-jitsu!

Some Brazilian jiu-jitsu videos today.
Two videos featuring Romulo Barral, who weighs in at about 185ish lbs. and is famous for, among other things, making the finals in the 'open' division at world-class tournaments and occasionally winning (but also occasionally losing - most notably to Roger Gracie, who is much bigger). Barral usually enters tournaments at 'medium heavy', with an upper weight limit of 191 lbs.

As far as I can tell the submission in both videos is the same: a cross collar choke. Don't quote me, though, because it's hard for me to tell from the angle, but they do look similar. The first one is against Demian Maia in 2007. Second video is from 2009 Pan Am games.

Analyzing the second video I'm not sure I agree with the strategy of going to half-guard (easy for me to say, I know). By that I mean I don't agree with the guy that ends up on the bottom pulling to half guard, enabling Barral to go on top and put on a clinic. You want to make your opponent uncomfortable, and Barral doesn't look anything like uncomfortable in the fight; he looks like he's in command. On the other hand you want to BE comfortable, so if the guy felt comfortable in the half-guard then that's a good place to take the fight. If your opponent (Barral) is superior then at least he beat you at your own game.

Romulo Barral at the 2009 Pan Am BJJ Games from Julian Frost on Vimeo.

Those things will get you every time

This from The Onion:

Shaq Misses Entire Second Half With Pulled Pork Sandwich

G-Wash - what the f*ck up?

No idea where this originally comes from. I got it from a forum I visit. And now I'm sharing it with you.

Who needs text?

This is becoming a video and picture-heavy blog lately.
I'll do something interesting with text when I have time.
Until then, cheese! (Hat tip to Zach.)

Love is All You Need

Enjoyed this.
I'm late to it but whatever. You don't care.

Best defense is a good offense

Counter-attacking goals from the Arsenal. My favorites: the one that starts with Henry fielding a headed corner-clearance (@ 18 seconds in the video), and the last one, because that is ridiculous.

I like a girl that knows her way around the kitchen

Roommate was out of town last weekend so I looked after the dog. We made cookies. She was a huge help in the kitchen. She prefers to lay down in high-traffic areas and take a nap, although she will get up and get in your way when you want take something out of the oven. She's good like that.

She also likes to bring one of her chew-toys, in case you didn't have one handy. Because they are super handy when strewn about on the kitchen floor. Super. Handy.

Graffiti(?)

This is hardly news by now, and it's hardly underground except for the fact that Banksy is still anonymous and makes his work available on his website for free. In other words he's Shepard Fairey before Shepard Fairey sold out. And for my money, Banksy is better, Obama poster or not.

Banksy is known primarily for his stencil work, and also for his ability to throw burners in hard to reach, high-traffic areas. Which is why he works in stencil, because it's faster than just using spray cans. He also brilliantly incorporates elements from the environment into his art (note the grating in the boombox from the bboy work).

Images taken direct from the Banksy website, with full credit to him. I'd say they were copyrighted but they aren't, because he's over it.

Enjoy more here:

http://www.banksy.co.uk/

I know, I can't get enough of them either

Yeah this is like playing Prince at a wedding to get people on the dance floor (i.e. it's cheating) but I'll take what I can get this week.

I've been busy

Yeah you don't care so here's a quick slice of funny to keep you warm.

Moar internet meme, skillfully combining engrish, Aliens, and babies. (I laughed.)

Best memes

Internet memes are funny.
LOLcats are an internet meme, and if there's a more reliable laugh than a cat photo with a funny caption then I haven't seen it.

The cat photo is a combination of the lolcat and invalid argument memes, which makes it 2x as awesome. Second favorite: bunny with a pancake on its head.

Here's a list of the best memes of 2009:

http://www.holytaco.com/25-best-memes-2009

The truth hurts

Sent this note to a friend. Now I'm sending it to the General Public (you).
-----------------------------------
Small victories: I just got done dominating a cappuccino it's it. So good. I thought I'd let you know that the SoPTKWTFTATA* released the definitive list of the best it's it flavors, in descending order:

1. Chocolate
1. Cappuccino
1. Vanilla
28. A punch in the face.
3327. Severe earthquake in the poorest country in the Western hemisphere.
(Infinity-1). Mint

If you didn't get the monthly SoPTKWTFTATA newsletter maybe your dues are in arrears. I'll have the treasurer (my dog) get in touch with you. Maybe you sent it in and she ate it. Hard to know.

love you,
-c-


*Society of People That Know WTF They Are Talking About - If you're not a member there's a reason. Just sayin'. (I'm a charter member, if you must know.)

Unsolicited feedback on the McGwire stupidness

Why is this McGwire stuff news? Why do people care? Did anyone not already know he had taken performance enhancing drugs? What exactly is a performance enhancing drug, anyway? Because when I drink a couple bourbons I'm like kryptonite to the bitches. It ENHANCES my PERFORMANCE, is what I mean. Hey, is this thing on?

I told my friend Sonia:

ahh, it's so lame. I love all the hand-wringing and concern. Like this is news. And how Selig said he will be 'welcomed back to the game'. Like he was in exile somewhere? He lives in Shady Canyon and plays golf 4 days a week. I have seen him at the grocery by Jeff's house.* He got bored. He took drugs that weren't even prohibited by baseball. So what? The incentive was to get paid tens of millions of dollars and be idolized. The judgy sportswriters will have a field day trying to figure out if he should go in the hall of fame. (More on this, and Jon "Hey-man I'm an Idiot", when I have time.) Now McGwire is crying because he's a liar and, depending on who you believe, a cheat. Grow up already you weak-chinned sissy.

Hall of Fame req's: you can stab an elevator attendant for being an "uppity n*****" (like Ty Cobb did), or you can be an avowed racist and segregationist (take a bow, Kenesaw Mountain Landis), and you can eat amphetamines like tic tacs (Joe Morgan waves hello!), but you better not take any drugs to improve your strength and reduce recovery time. That would be terrible! You're ruining the game! [rends garments, gnashes teeth, stares longingly at SI cover of Mickey Mantle]


*Actually true.

I like it when somebody else does the heavy lifting

10 jokes about Sarah Palin joining Fox news.

http://www.mnftiu.cc/2010/01/11/10-jokes-about-sarah-palin-joining-fox-news/

Take it away, David Rees:

Timmy was watching Fox News with his grandpa. “You see, Timmy, these guys tell the truth. They don’t spin the news,” said Grandpa. Timmy said, “But, Grandpa, mommy says this channel is for sexually frustrated warmongering ideologues.” “Be quiet– the Life Alert commercial is on!” yelled Grandpa as his hands slid beneath the blanket on his lap.

It's good to have goals (HONK!)

This selection courtesy the Guardian:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/2010/jan/08/joy-of-six-solo-goals

They left out many of my favorites but you can't argue that their choices are unworthy (the George Best goal excepted - it's good but it's not good enough). I had a hard time deciding to embed the Romario goal or the Baggio goal, but I settled on Baggio because he had an awesome big-80's soccer haircut and also adorned the door of my friend Brian in college (The Best Ever, indeed). Baggio was Henry before there was Henry: imperious, technical, brilliant. He would break your spirit with his technique, then infuriate you with his attitude. Bless him.

Thanks for reading.

Mortgages + Hypocrisy = Awesome

Wall Street (and the Wall Street cronies in Washington) think you should pay your mortgage, even if, in purely financial terms, it's a bad investment.

Fuck. That. Shit.

Feel free to be smarter than that and walk away from your house if it's not a good deal. (I did.)

The NYT Magazine makes a compelling case for making a sound financial decision, and outlines the hypocrisy coming out of Wall Street and Washington (courtesy regular reader Brian):

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/10/magazine/10FOB-wwln-t.html?hp

And given that nearly a quarter of mortgages are underwater, and that 10 percent of mortgages are delinquent, White, of the University of Arizona, is surprised that more people haven’t walked. He thinks the desire to avoid shame is a factor, as are overblown fears of harm to credit ratings. Probably, mortgagees also labor under a delusion that their homes will quickly return to value. White has argued that the government should stop perpetuating default “scare stories” and, indeed, should encourage borrowers to default when it’s in their economic interest. This would correct a prevailing imbalance: homeowners operate under a “powerful moral constraint” while lenders are busily trying to maximize profits. More important, it might get the system unstuck. If lenders feared an avalanche of strategic defaults, they would have an incentive to renegotiate loan terms. In theory, this could produce a wave of loan modifications — the very goal the Treasury has been pursuing to end the crisis.

Treat you like my sticky ickey or my sweet oowy goowy (fa real though)

This might be my new favorite song. I have heard it numerous times at the 24 hr fitness but never paid attention to the lyrical magic contained therein. I was missing out, as you can see below. ('Azucar' is Spanish for "sugar", FYI. Or maybe it's Spanish for "you're a champ for riding this tard-train all the way to the station". Not sure.)

courtesy: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/babybash/sugasuga.html

"Suga Suga"
(feat. Frankie J)

So tight, so fly
You got me lifted, you got me lifted

[Chorus (Frankie J.):]
You got me lifted shifted higher than a ceiling
And ooh wee it’s the ultimate feeling
You got me lifted feeling so gifted
Sugar how you get so fly?
Suga suga how you get so fly?
Suga suga how you get so fly?
Suga suga how you get so fly?
Suga suga how you get so fly?

[Baby Bash]
You know its leather when we ride
We're flinging rawhide
Doing what we do, watching screens getting high
Gurl you keep it so fly with you sweet hunnybuns
You was there when the money was gone
You’ll be there when the money comes
Off top I can't lie I love to get blowed
You my lil'sugar, I'm yo little chulo
And every time we kick it it’s off to the groovy
Treat you like my sticky ickey or my sweet oowy goowy (fa real though)

[Chorus (Frankie J.)]

[Baby Bash]
Now I ain't worried about a thang cause I just hit me a lick
I got a fat sack and a superfly chick
There ain't nothing you can say to a playa
Cause doowop, she fly like the planes in the air
That’s right she’s full grown setting the wrong tone
I'm digging the energy and I'm loving the o-zone
So fly like a dove so fly like a raven
Quick to politic with some fly conversation
In a natural mood then I'm a natural dude
And we some natural fools blowing out by the pool
She like my sexy-cool mama with blades on her berata
Rockin' Dolce Gabbana (Italian) with highdrows and a Cubana

[Chorus (Frankie J.)]

[Brige]
You know its leather when we ride
We're flinging rawhide
Doing what we do, watching screens getting high
Gurl you keep it so fly with you sweet hunnybuns
You was there when the money was gone
You’ll be there when the money comes

You know its leather when we ride
We're flinging rawhide
Doing what we do, watching screens getting high
Gurl you keep it so fly with you sweet hunnybuns
You was there when the money was gone
You’ll be there when the money comes (fa real though)

[Chorus (Frankie J.)]

So high like I'm a star
So high like I'm a star
So high like I'm a star
So high like I'm a star

Azucar