nascar in fontucky

if you want a photo, scroll down and check out that b&w shot of Junior Johnson.
went to the National Association of Stock Car Auto Racing event today. It was in Fontana, aka Fontucky, aka not anywhere you would stop unless you wanted to visit the race track out there. It was a good event, although some cars were having engine problems because CA mandated unleaded gas for the cars (they usually run on leaded gasoline). more observations and thoughts on today's racing deal:

• I got to watch the race from one of the luxury suites, directly above the pits. best seats in the house for sure. plus we parked in the infield. no peon parking for us, thanks very much.
  
• bonus#2: watching the race from the suite provided an excellent view of both pit row and gave me a place to retreat when it got too damn cold on the viewing terrace up above. also the tv coverage of the race is good, so you can watch replays on it there. grandstand viewing was a tough go. the weather sucked.
  
• bad weather kept the pit lizards way down this year. they were still present, but in reduced numbers.
  
• my favorite driver used to be jeff gordon. I don't know why so many fans hate his guts. well, partly I do. he changed manufacturers early in his career from Ford to Chevy. That's a no-no. then he won a lot of races. and he doesn't have an accent (he grew up in indiana). he's a hit with crossover sponsors, because he's handsome in a teenage boy sort of way. but i can see that mostly they hate him now because he's a jackass. to wit: we watched the drivers make their way out of the infield, onto the track. they walked past singly or with teammates, keeping a low profile. almost all wear a hat, glasses, or both. except for Prince Gordon. he walked through the tunnel with hair flowing, holding his pregnant wife's hand, cameras capturing every moment. it was a carefully orchestrated bit of douchebaggery. later, the crowd booed him soundly. ouch.
  
• question from my friend: What's going on with #8?
  senior executive: he's leaking something from the rear end.
  friend: you mean the car or the driver?
  senior exec: [hard look]
  friend: [expressionless] what?
  
• the prerace jet flyby never gets old.
  
• i find the muffled sound of race cars very soothing. i nodded off for a few minutes in the suite. limited sleep the previous several nights may have been a contributing factor.
  

that about covers it. took me 8 hours to do the whole thing. I forget who won the race. there were 120k other people there. ask them. Prince Gordon came in second.
Thanks for reading.

vegas and nascar (but not at the same time)

unusual Sunday night post. I'm feeling guilty about not going to church this weekend. And it was ash wednesday this week and everything. I am observing lent, though. so that's something.
busy weekend; vegas on friday, recovery saturday, nascar race in Fontucky on Sunday.

took me a few minutes to find a picture of my all time favorite nascar driver. Probably not anyone you've heard of, but Junior Johnson is the real deal. Says one website: A raid on the Johnson family house back in '48 resulted in the largest inland seizure of illegal whiskey in US history. Respect.

NASCAR was born out of that whiskey running, car-racing culture. It's come a long way, not all for the better.
observations from the events of the weekend, in rough chronological order.

• I can get everything i want to get done in vegas in 24 hours. more than that is too much. I want to come home after one day.
  
• gambling losses for my trip: $20
• club expenses for one night: 12x gambling losses (yikes!)
• Pure (nightclub in caesar's) is overrated. From the lines outside you would think they were handing out $100 bills in there. I got inside and it was like Goat Hill Tavern but with a dress code. If it's super exclusive, why is the dance floor full of ugly people? i understand you have to let us guys in, since we're spending the money. but the girls? If I'm paying a fortune for a bottle, then the bouncer should be selective about who he lets in. I am glad I went once, but I won't do it again.
  
• The pussycat dolls have parlayed some ass and good production into a specially branded casino and merchandise at caesar's, along with their own little revue at Pure. I thought it was odd, but it looked like a hit with the plebes.
  
• I tipped the bathroom attendant $5 and told him i was bringing back prom, circa 1992, do you have any eternity? so he sprayed me down. he got a bit carried away, but it was hilarious when i talked to people.
  
• a girl asked me if I would be her prom date. sure no problem. But when she tried to kiss me I said "there will be no frenching!" and poured myself another vodka/soda. frenching.
  
• some guy had one of the bowling lane suites at the hard rock. as in, there was a full size bowling alley lane in the room. it was definitely nicer than my room at the rio. a lot nicer. it came with a full bar and bartender, which i thought was a bit much. i think he was there to make sure you didn't shaq the bowling stuff.
  
• 14 vodka sodas + 1 water = 2 day hangover. taste it.
  

more later.

i ain't goin to get drunk, but I'm a get real buzzzzed

great postfight interview with Quinton Jackson, another MMA fighter.
Breaking meathead stereotypes one joke at a time.
stick with it to the end. it's worth it.

According to his wikipedia page, he lives just around the way. who knew?

what kind of moron watches ultimate fighting? This kind!

superb recent article on slate.com about UFC programming. here's an excerpt:

And now, an Ortiz-Shamrock matchup! Stoking the fury of aficionados and piquing the curiosity of novices, the announcers began to wind up the hype: "There is dislike. There is distrust. There is simply hatred." In a clip, Shamrock, a veteran known as "the most dangerous man in the world," expressed his belief that Ortiz is a punk. Meanwhile, Ortiz, a punk, forwarded the notion that Shamrock is over the hill. Cut back to Shamrock: "Tito Ortiz is going to find out who Ken Shamrock is, was, and is now." The "is now" in that sentence wasn't really a redundancy. Shamrock was employing a new tense—the ultimate tense—to describe how he was about to be bringing it, how it was about to have been brung.

I might not have anything funny to share, but at least I know where to find some funny. I don't entirely agree with the article; I am a fan of full-contact MMA fights and fight disciplines.

As for the photo, that's Tito Ortiz (about whom it was memorably said over on wwtdd.com "he could beat up godzilla") getting the crap beat out of him by Chuck Liddell. I tend to follow the career of Ortiz because, for a time, we trained at the same gym and shared a boxing coach. Two first-hand observations about Tito Ortiz:

a) He is huge. I can't believe anyone would fight him. He's like a walking eclipse: he's so big he blocks out the sun.
b) I can't believe he ever loses a fight. The fact that Liddell beat him soundly is both amazing and scary.

Boxing is lame and disorganized and corrupt. At least with the UFC and Pride Fighting you know you're going to get a legit fight. It might be brutal, but that is its appeal: it's the rawest sport there is.

today is my special day

Yeah today is my special day. It's all about me over here. I'll have something funny to share soon. I remember myself being a lot more funny. I'll work on that.

Photo is from Iguazu Falls, taken from the Argentina side of the river, looking at (part of) the Argentine falls, from a boat. Was going to post another picture of me but this was better. You probably already know what I look like, anyway.

Valentine's Day is magic

(no photo - posting remotely // imagine something w/ hearts, but sexy)
happy manufactured holiday! Back in grade school I remember it as one of the most awkward days of the year. Shy kids like myself were better off handing out the same card to everybody. It was not a good idea to do something special for a particular person, as I learned to my cost. ahh, youth.

I think it's lame to spend time on somebody because of a particular day. If you don't care enough to devote some time and attention the other 364 days of the year, then you really don't care very much. Maybe you should get them a gift card?
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In other news, perhaps as a special treat for all those lonely guys out there, the SI Swimsuit Issue came out today. It's okay, if you're into showstoppingly beautiful women with hardly any clothes on. I'm conflicted, because I like pretty girls as much as (probably more than) the next guy, but it's easy to confuse the fantasy of the magazine photos with real life ( i.e. girls don't look like that in real life. And I live in the OC, which has more stunning girls than most places.)

My old roommate liked to use it as motivation; he would pick out a girl in the magazine before he went out, and he'd say to himself, "that girl is out there, right now, looking for a boyfriend. Let's do this!" Inevitably, he'd make out with some thick girl from around the way, but he was always motivated. Ahhh, youth.

love you. especially today.

Mercy to the beast is blessed in the eyes of the lord

Premeditated Inadequacy: I wrote a whole long post about how I was miserable over a girl back in the day. It was supposed to be funny but it wasn't funny at all. Flowers? Letters? POETRY??!??!? yikes!
It more disappointing than funny. And it was more sad than disappointing. i had to pull the plug on it.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming very soon. Late feb = lots of Dick Vitale. Plus my birthday is coming up. super!

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Tell the ladies: Just because I have a dent in the side of my car doesn't mean I don't make a lot of money.

you have three kids!

had to kick einstein and oppenheimer off the top of the page and get back to what we do best here at GJAW: pander to the lowest common denominator.

In case you weren't paying attention, it was a crazy busy week over there at NASA. Bizarre love triangles, attempted kidnappings, pepper spray, and diapers all figured in one of those truth-is-stranger-than-whatever-crazy-shit-i-could-invent stories from CNN. and msnbc. and all the other news outlets.

The delusional woman in the photo has three kids and is married. but she got a little carried away in an affair and lost the plot. So she went on a revenge mission. She drove 800 miles from Texas to Florida, but she wore diapers so she wouldn't have to stop along the way for anything but gas. And crazy pills.

This would be funny if it weren't so sad.
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speaking of sad, i go back to work tomorrow. I've been off for two months. At least it's a short week.