Allow me to retort

Got some feedback on the frat-dick post. (Scroll down and scan for douchebaggery - you can't miss it.)

My responses are embedded below...

1) Your friends are dead ringers - i'm mean DEAD RINGERS - for the ADPi's at cal
The ADPis at UCSB were pretty strong when I left college, but not as good as they were when I got there. Their heyday was the early- to mid-90's. The girls in the photo are definitely not on par with the rest of the house - makes sense if you consider that I'm in it too.

2) you smoked? is that weed?
Apparently so because it seemed to go with the costume and haircut, and no, it's a cigarette. Here's a shot of me lighting up in a Paris cafe several years later. When in Rome, &tc.

3) i find myself torn between feelings of revulsion and unwavering adulation. your commitment is veering me towards unwavering adulation.
Even if you're repulsed (as I am) you have to appreciate the commitment to the enterprise (as I do).

douchebaggery on parade

I'm late to this. It comes courtesy Gawker.com. I don't read gawker, mostly because I don't live in Manhattan, and also I'm straight.

Some people think they are awesome. I don't mean in an funny, self-deprecating way. They think they are totally bitchin.

This guy is one of those people. Here's an excerpt of his match.com form letter:

What activities do you currently participate in to stay in shape? I work out 4 times a week at LA Fitness. Do you exercise regularly? I am 6 feet tall, 185 pounds - what about yourself? I am truly sorry if that sounds rude, impolite or even downright crass, but I have been deceived before by inaccurate representations so I prefer someone be upfront and honest on initial contact...

Shallow but not terrible. He hides his conceit well. At first.

I do mergers & acquisitions (corporate finance) for Limited Brands (Bath & Body Works, Victoria's Secret, etc). Enjoy any of our stores/divisions?

What? Enjoy our stores/divisions? What the f*ck does that even mean? That's like if I worked at the Taco Bell corporate office and asked people if they liked the food. It's retarded.

So the girl said thanks but no thanks. And then Mr. Super emailed her back:

So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don't blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel's Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren't any more of those!

Actually, there's at least one, and he suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. I was going to break it down line by line, but it's been done. Plus it's so good when you read it all in a row, out loud, in one angry, bitter, rejected breath.

you can't put a price on douchebaggery - wait, yes you can. $54 million sounds about right

Judges can be pompous assholes. Like cops, but worse. Anyone that's stood before a judge, or stood in a courtroom while they did their (boring, often lame) job knows that. So it's not a big surprise to hear that it's a judge that is suing someone else for $54 million over a pair of pants. Of course it's a judge. Only a judge would be a big enough asshole to think he could get away with it. A practicing attorney wouldn't bother; they have to bill hours for a living. You can read the whole story at any number of outlets. Here's one. I chose the yahoo/reuters story because the headline is "Judge presses suit over $54 mln pants". Get it? "presses"? Honk! Also, the yahoo/reuters story explains the math that the judge used to arrive at his $54 mln figure. He didn't just pull it out of thin air, people.

Roy had his first case thrown out, but now he's appealing.

I wanted to take a few minutes and induct the Hon. Roy Pearson into the douchebag hall of fame. That's him at left, hauling the case of what must be his supply of Rx drugs he needs to get through the day.

AP Photo/ Jacquelyn Martin, and good job, because this guy is hard to get a picture of. really. either he's media shy or he knows that he's being a jackass. maybe both.

Brady, welcome to camp!

Ahh, Brady Quinn ended his holdout. That's big news if you care about Browns football. That doesn't describe me in any way, so let's move on.

The graphic comes courtesy Kissing Suzy Kolber (the original) and then the genius 289 at withleather made a brilliant modification. I added the (redundant) "To Douchebaggery" text. Because Quinn, who I don't know and will never meet, seems like a douchebag. I hate to be a judgmental dick about it, but there it is.

And lastly, for the Steelers fans: Steely McBeam? Your new mascot is named Steely McBeam? Was Chest Rockwell already taken? for f's sake.