Orange County's Most Eligible Bachelor

The OC's Most Eligible Bachelor (aka the King of Blind Dates) has been talking shit to me all day via the internets. All. Day. Thank goodness he sent me this carefully crafted artistic rendering from one of his co-workers. Plus he's not a regular reader. At one point we had the following exchange:

OCs M.E.B.: So… are you going to put on a monkey suit and roll big in vegas tomorrow night? Please say yes. It will be like old times…
me: hey cockface: feel free to stop being a cock at any point. like now.
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All because I'm on the fence about going to a party with him on Saturday. I asked who was going to be there and he said, that one girl that my blah blah set me up with blah blah and she blah blah. I said, no, that girl is awful. Which prompted this exchange:

OC's M.E.B.: She makes everyone around her a better person.
me: She makes them SEEM better, because she sucks so bad. Everyone looks good standing next to her.
OC's M.E.B.: True.
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It's a tough crowd people.

I can't wait to start getting hits from people doing internet searches for 'oc bachelor'.

I call it the Lump

(only one post this week - I'm on vacation. I'll be back to regular posting next week.)
What do you do if your Love suddenly powers down? How do you cope? Well, if you're the King of Blind Dates you fire up the social network and get some girls in the pipeline. And you buy yourself a new car.

In fairness he'd been looking for the car for quite some time, but he didn't actually pull the trigger until Soulmates had dinged him. And it wasn't brand new, just new to him. Nevertheless, I'm calling it the Lump, which is short for the Love-Muscle-Power-Down, and the adjective 'LMPD', which is what happens when your love is super strong and powering San Onofre and aircraft carriers and then all of a sudden it fails. You got LMPD, pronounced 'lumped'. Go buy yourself something nice, get yourself over the lump.