Please don't eat that. Ever.

I love oatmeal. I haven't eaten it lately but you better believe I'm going to demolish the McCanns Steel Cut oats (my grandfather's favorite, from the TIN, not the g-damn box) the next time I have a carb cheat day; i.e. Saturday.

Gramps knew how to put it together right, with the essentials: a slice of butter melting in the center, cream or milk (if you're a feeble weakling) poured around the edges, and brown sugar dribbled over the top. Raisins? I don't even know you. Apples MAYBE, if I'm in the mood. If that doesn't sound good to you then you don't know how to live. It was guaranteed to 'stick to your ribs', a quality much valued at the old man's house. If you indulge too often it's also guaranteed to 'give you a heart attack', but once in a while it's not going to hurt you.

Mark Bittman points out that McDonalds has gone into the oatmeal business, and they've managed to turn this wholesome food into something awful. He explains it in detail, but this is is all you really need to know:

"The aspect one cannot argue is nutrition: Incredibly, the McDonald’s product contains more sugar than a Snickers bar and only 10 fewer calories than a McDonald’s cheeseburger or Egg McMuffin. (Even without the brown sugar it has more calories than a McDonald’s hamburger.)"


So don't dare eat that stuff. Eat the real thing. You will be amazed how good it is, even without the essentials. If you're in a hurry, follow these simple suggestions from the fine artists over at McCanns: http://www.mccanns.ie/preparation.html

900 Days and The City of Thieves

Finished two books about the siege of Leningrad. Before I started reading about it I had no idea that there even was a siege, and didn't appreciate that Leningrad used to be called St. Petersburg (as it is now), or that the siege has no parallel in history, or what an epic idiot Stalin was, or how terrifically f'd up the Soviet government was. So much to learn! (Borrowed both books from Jeff. Well, I borrowed the second one. The other one I found on the floor in his garage and appropriated.)

The first book: The 900 Days: The Siege Of Leningrad is great but it suffers from a huge cast of characters and an incredibly boring devotion to minutiae. And a tragic shortage of maps. Pictures would be nice, but if you don't have them, you don't have them. But no maps is shameful in a book of this type. The two(!!) maps that are included are poorly detailed, so it becomes difficult to follow along without backtracking. If you really want a feel from the miseries, top to bottom, this is the book to read. It took me almost a month to finish, which is a really long time. I had to take a break and finish a couple books along the way, just to lighten up a little.

For the casual reader, I recommend City of Thieves, which draws heavily on 900 Days. Indeed, the author uses dramatic events from 900 Days to create his fiction, so much of what he describes actually happened.

The individual miseries of the siege are available in either book, but the numbers are as follows: According to 900 Days, at least 1.1 MILLION people died of starvation or starvation-related causes in Leningrad from 1941-44, with another 300 or 400 thousand killed in the fighting. So, 1.5 million people in and around that one city. It's hard to get your head around. It's like San Francisco starving to death. Except San Francisco is only ~800,000 people. So add Boston (600,000), and you're juuuuust about there. I had a difficult time trying to process it.

Both books highly recommended.

Cookie recipe feedback

In response to queries from our readership: Yes, I read AND bake. And no, I'm not gay. :)

Why did I choose a thumping trance anthem to accompany this post? Because I listen to music when I'm baking. And I've been load-testing the speakers to this jam for a couple weeks now. Boom!

Friend Sonz was asking for a winning cookie recipe, which prompted this exchange:

hrmm... my best cookie recipe isn't anything unique - it's the same as the toll house recipe with minor modification and specific techniques. it makes the best chocolate chip cookies that I'm aware of, but i don't know if they will win a cookie contest. what constitutes a contest-winning cookie? for example, my choc chip cookies are the best, but many people prefer peanut butter, or snickerdoodle (??). if someone tells me they love snickerdoodle cookies i don't even offer to share my cookies; they're not worthy. So it depends on what you want. I do think that the fake niemann marcus cookie recipe is quite good, even if the origin is a myth.

my mom has a recipe for chocolate sugar cookies with mint frosting that is super good, but they take FOREVER to make because you have to roll them out, cut them, bake them, let them cool, and then frost them individually. if you're really committed you make 2 or 3 different colors of frosting (red, green, white) and decorate them. lordy it's a hassle. each cookie ends up a work of art. If you're super committed then I will send you that one. You'll need a full complement of kitchen stuff though: roller, cookie cutters, frosting bag and frosting tips, and a LOT of spare time. you'll want to make a double batch, then bring only the top 12 or 18 cookies to the contest. when flavor is roughly equal, then effort will matter.

here then is the recipe for the Chocolate Chip Cookies of Legend, lifted straight from a previous blog post, because I'm like that:
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recipe for cookies of awesome is based on classic toll house semi-sweet choc. chip recipe. what follows is that recipe, w/ small additions. Note that the changes aren't for everyone. some people prefer a crispy, dry, flat cookie. the standard recipe will work fine for those idiots. for more discriminating palates, and moist, fluffy cookies, use the recipe below.

Buy semi-sweet nestle chips in yellow bag. I like buying the big bag so I can throw in a few extra choc chips when I'm making the cookies, but it's not a requirement. do not add nuts.

* = special steps i figured out through accident and error. they are what separates my cookies from the pretenders.

recipe:
2 1/4 cups + 1 Tblspn all purpose flour
1 tspn salt
1 tspn baking soda
Pinch of baking powder*

3/4 cups white sugar
3/4 cups firmly packed dark brown sugar (light brown is fine too)
2 sticks butter (margarine is acceptable but I prefer butter)
1 tspn vanilla
2 eggs
2ish cups semi-sweet chips

Preheat oven to 375.

Put flour/salt/b soda/b powder in small bowl. Set aside.

Beat margarine, sugars and vanilla in large bowl until creamy. A stand mixer works best, an electric hand mixer will do. (Mixing by hand alone won't cut it.)
Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. when well mixed...
gradually beat in flour mix. I do it in three parts, works great.
Mix in choc chips. throw a few extra in if you're feeling zany.

cool dough for 8-10 minutes in fridge before you bake put dough to pan. also, cool dough again between batches.*

put cookies on sheet. I use two regular teaspoons (the small ones in your silverware drawer) because I have years of practice and I'm the shit, but some people use a mini ice cream scoop. whatever.

bake 9-11 minutes. be careful not to overcook.

to cool, place on cut up cardboard box laid flat on countertop, or on a paper bag (like the kind you get from the grocery) cut open and laid flat on countertop.* store when they reach room temp.
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done!

Art you can eat: Mondrian cake

Some people like Piet Mondrian's artwork, some don't. I'm a fan.

In related news, I hope the next time I'm at SFMOMA I can get a slice of this cake. Because it's artistic. And I love dessert. A lot.

I guess that's a good enough reason

Headed to Foreign Lands next week.
In getting my stuff together for the trip (read: thinking about getting my stuff together) I was reminded that the original impetus was when I sent Boston Zach a list of the fifty best places to eat (and where to eat them) and said, "let's go". He suggested Spain, because we could leverage our limited knowledge of Spanish and also two of the fifty were in Barcelona. And Spain is cool and neither of us had ever been there. So that's fun. 

After reviewing the list I realize that I still haven't made it to Fosselmans, an issue I aim to rectify this weekend, and also that the world's best BBQ is available via mail order. Something to look forward to when I get back.

My bbq taste, like my taste in music, is unsophisticated. But the experts agree [ed: article worth the read, so click through if you have time], so at least I know it'll be good.

Long-time readers will wonder what I'm doing eating Texas BBQ when I generally don't eat red meat or pork. I'm making an exception, because if you're only going to eat it once in a while it should be worth it.