where can i get me one of these?

i don't care what it takes, i need one of these things. immediately if not sooner.

it's gonna be great. i can make it play dress-up and then take sweet pictures. when it gets old enough to talk I can teach it swear words. with any luck it'll be a boy and as long he doesn't commit any felonies before he's 18 and gets into college it'll be fine.

if I have a girl it'll be the same thing but as soon as she hits puberty she'll have to go to a convent. no one touches the daughter. no one.

what, i have to provide for it? enh, i heard the expense was worth it. I'll give it some thought when i'm on the beach in bali this fall. i'm unconcerned about the whole diaper/poopie issue. that's what the wife is for. (duh!) that's my whole parenting strategy. If it's messy, dirty, or difficult, "ask your mother". That's what they're there for, right? I'm old school.

ahh, I kid. (pun intended! honk!) sweet image courtesy uncov2.0.

you spent how much?

Good friend of mine went on a blind date this week. He made reservations at one of his regular date spots, cost is around $90 for two (including wine), plus easy to get a table on a Wednesday. So he meets the girl, takes her to the spot, and there's no menus. Odd, he says.

Waiter says: thanks for coming on our special 6 course chef's tasting menu night. Prepare for a delicious feast!
He says, Bring me your finest meats and cheeses! no he didn't. he said: errm, ahh, sure, great?!?

Tasting menu commences. He overeats, food is good but not great, whatever. Bill comes out. It's $125 per person.
Tax and tip, comes to $280. For a dinner for 2. on a blind date. He could have bought a wii for that kind of money.

As for the date, the girl is very keen to go out again. Him, not so much.

fookin 'ell

ahh, the Nurburgering. or is it Nurburgring? whatever. it's one of the world's most famous racetracks. they don't have formula 1 races there any more because it's too unsafe. it's also famous because you can drive on it in any car if you pay a fee. people ride around it in tour buses at the same time as ze germans are whipping around the track in their porsches. and then there's these guys. you have to watch it w/ the sound turned on to get the full effect. enjoy.

how to throw a party in three easy steps!

had a good time out w/ one of my peeps on Friday night. as in, so bad it was good. here is how it went down, in a bulleted list.

• we drove to west hollywood, which is not exactly around the corner from Chez Butterball (my crib in Costa Mesa).
  
• we brought booze, because showing up empty handed is not cool. not that team weakness grasped that concept. (more on TW in a minute)
  
• when we got west hollywod, we went to some girl's condo and we hung out until Team Weakness showed up. they didn't add anything to the conversation or the wet bar. not even a mixer.
  
• after 40 seconds of banality from TW I lost interest and asked the hostess if she could put some music on. thought she might have something since she WORKS IN THE MUSIC BUSINESS AND LIVES WITH TWO GIRLS IN A BAND. she ignored me. we spent the entire time at her place in stuttering, reticent conversation. music would have helped. a lot.
  
• Team Powerhouse showed up about half an hour after TW. thank goodness for TP. they brought some good vibes. all was not yet lost. They were invited by us, though. the girl having the little get together failed to provide booze, music, or company. She did have the good sense to invite people that knew cool people. so that's something.
  
• did i mention no music? a stereo was in evidence. as were guitars and related accessories.
  
• We try to figure out what to do. Hostess claimed to have this sorted earlier in the day. but when the rubber hits the road, she's not sure. after much confusion, they work it out. and we go to an 80's dance party, with snacks. turns out it's not fun after all (who saw that coming?), so plan B is go to a pub on sunset blvd. at 1 AM. i call it quits here; we hit my limit of lame and I threw in the towel.
  

[editorial aside: not sure if you have ever been to sunset blvd in LA at 1 AM on a friday night. it's a mess of street traffic, pretentiousness, pedestrians, cops, and drunk people. pretty much the last place in LA county i would go to get a beer. end of aside]

on the way home my buddy describes how easy it is to throw good party, since we were both disappointed at how inadequate the night had turned out to be. here you go:

1. fill the ipod.
2. fill the fridge.
3. invite cool people.
   

thanks for reading.