Clean it Up

Long time readers will know that I split my exercise time flexing with my shirt off at the local yoga studio and crossfit gym. I feel like I get more out of the workouts when I kick them around with someone afterwards, especially the yoga. However, I don't have regular peeps at yoga so there's no easy way for me to do a debrief. If only there were some kind of an outlet to express my experiences... Oh, hey! What's up?

Couple weeks ago a guy at the yoga studio set a new personal hygiene low (since surpassed) after class. My habit is to duck into a bathroom stall to change out of my sweaties after class. There are changing areas but those are always busy. The Men's is quick and usually available because the classes are only about 20% male, if that. Note that the men's room has two sinks, and it's not a big space. Just big enough, but if two guys are standing at the sinks they are in very close proximity. (This detail becomes important later.)

I exited the stall to see a pile of sweaty clothes in one of the sinks. There wasn't anyone in the immediate vicinity so I left the disgusting pile where it was. I don't have anything against being a gross sweaty mess per se, but it is your obligation to try and corral it as much as possible, display a sensitivity to the other students that might not want to get involved in your mess. Putting your ass-sweated shorts in the sink where we wash our hands does not display the requisite sensitivity. One man's opinion.

Fast forward to this past Sunday. After class was over I did the same thing: changed in a stall, exited to wash my hands, as per usual. Upon exiting the stall I was assaulted by the sight of a naked, furry fat man putting his sweaty clothes into the sink. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I guess it's cool to get naked, put your clothes in the sink and hang out (pun intended) after class. News to me. Why change in a towel? Too much effort. Why change in a stall? Enh, didn't feel like waiting the 30 seconds. I had to step around him just to wash my hands, a prospect made less appealing by his naked sweatyness and his pile of sweaty clothes in the other sink. If it's more gross to have to go in the bathroom and wash your hands than it is to just leave with your sweaty post-yoga germ hands intact then something is very wrong.

In the context of a locker room the full naked sink visit is fairly typical. In the context of using the men's room it's fucking horrible. I gather that one could infer some overlap based on the setting, but not so much overlap that you would strip naked and stand in front of the goddamn sink like an overweight silverback gorilla. Dear Sir: Do the universe us a favor and put a towel on. Please.

See you Sunday!

GIVE ME ALL THE TOYZ

OHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOY

A lot to love about this. Is it excitement? Is it fear? Sensory overload? Some combination of the above?

It's not often you see dreams come true.

Reese the Best Dog Ever was famous for, among other things, opening gifts and packages. You never saw someone without opposable thumbs open anything so adroitly. She would attack and shred cardboard, packing material, tissue paper, ribbon, plastic, whatever. Any box she could reach was fair game because there was usually a prize inside. The mess was considerable but the payoff was worth it.

One time she got impatient while waiting for me to open a birthday present and she pawed at it in frustration, gave me a fat lip. My bad. I let her open it while my lip swelled. Didn't make that mistake again. Lesson learned.

Nerd Follow Up

Mine is Almost Entirely Useless Trivia and SciFi References

This image is a nice follow-up to the Ender's Game post. Synergy.

In related news, I went out and tried to socialize a bit this weekend. It went about as well as can be expected. Which is to say, not well at all. Baby steps.

Casual social skills are perishable. Something to work on, I guess. Is there a crossfit workout for that?

They Made a Movie

If you're a man of a certain age (born between 1970 and 1978) and you read books as a young person then it's likely that you read / were exposed to / were assigned the excellent Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card. The book is famous in SciFi circles for several reasons, not least of which is that, like the hit-and-miss Harry Potter series, it pulled in a lot of young people (mostly boys) that weren't otherwise inclined to read. Even people that don't 'like to read' managed to finish the book; it was a gateway drug for future nerd addicts.

Full disclosure: I was already on board (captain of?) the Nerd Express by 1985, so this book was just something to obsess over while I matured into my impressive/debilitating peak-level social awkwardness. 

The book is also known in part because the author is a devout Moron Mormon, which is shorthand for closed-minded, religious fundamentalist asshat (yeah I said it - I'll stop saying it when it's no longer true). So: one of my least favorite types of people wrote what was, for a long time, my favorite book.*

The movie looks formulaic in 2013, but the book was all kinds of awesome in 1985. Not sure how they'll handle the brutal violence between the children. Battle Royale Hunger Games took that issue mainstream but Jennifer Hudson is 21 or 22 playing 17ish in that series; she will be in her real-life mid 20's by the time it's over. At the start of Ender's Game the protagonist is 6 years old. It appears he's quite a bit older in the movie, which probably has the die-hards foaming at the mouth but enabled them to actually get the movie made. Cast is A-list, so that's something.

In any case, I'm looking forward to it. If it's any good I'll see it more than once. And re-read the book. Speaking of which, my copy was lost - can I borrow yours?



* I learned later from an industry insider that Card was regularly rejected for awards within the SciFi community because of his religious views, which: lame.

This is How You Get Down

This song is a remix from a couple years ago. I tried to post it when it was the new hotness but couldn't find a decent version online. Heard it masterfully incorporated into a mix and tracked it down. It starts at 1 hr 13 mins if you want to go straight there.

Props to Big Cheese for the sweet jamz. Again.

Flipping a coin would have been easier (also cheaper)

Sooo the guy responsible for creating and selling fake bomb detectors is going to jail. The good news is that at least they weren't based on ridiculous 'golf ball finders'. That would have been too stupid to believe. Wait, what?

Shit.

Well, at least they weren't expensive. Those golf ball finders were a ripoff at $19. Imagine paying tens of thousands of dollars for a scam device that didn't work - wait, hang on... it says here:

7,000 devices under the ADE brand to the Iraqi government and other international agencies for prices ranging from $2,500 per unit to $30,000, when they cost less than $50.

Shit.

The good news is that they weren't widely used in dangerous areas so no lives were lost. Whoa... hold the phone! The New York Times says:

The suicide bombers who managed to get two tons of explosives into downtown Baghdad on Oct. 25, killing 155 people and destroying three ministries, had to pass at least one checkpoint where the ADE 651 is typically deployed, judging from surveillance videos released by Baghdad’s provincial governor.

Hmmm... That is a lot of people to blow up with one bomb. And, umm, 4000 lbs of explosives is a lot. Like, a lot.

Shit.

Good thing they didn't buy very many of these (useless, expensive) devices. Must be an isolated case. What's that? The Iraqi army bought thousands of them? Wait, did you say thousands? Oh.

Shit.

Well, at least they didn't spend a lot of money. What's that? $122 million, according to the Guardian?

That IS a lot of money.

Shit. 

Well, at least they aren't still being used. Wait, what's that? They're still in use in some areas?

Shit.

There's a promotional video? Sounds promising. Let's go to the tape:




Seems legit. It's got an extendable antenna and also it plugs into something.

Can you imagine if you're a US soldier stuck in a place where people are trying to kill you and you have to work with people that believe this nonsense? How would you even get up in the morning?

Shit. 

Good Luck with That

This is on the outside west wall of Westminster Abbey. I was going through some photos and found it on my camera. The camera is probably overdue for a purge.

I'm an atheist but I appreciated the economy of phrase.

Arm Balance Workshop: Yogaworks

I just completed my arm balance workshop at the local Yogaworks. Enh, 'completed' is maybe a bit much. I walked out early, which is gauche. Not too early, but still: before it was finished.

So: My first workshop. Goal was to learn some new arm balances. Stretch goal was to maybe meet some new people, since I go to yoga often but never meet anyone. Which is fine, but if there's an opportunity then maybe that would be nice. Or something.

Couple things going in that became relevant later on: I should have eaten more food before the class. It was at an odd time (1 PM), so usually my lunch. Also, I underestimated how long three hours actually is. To be clear: its a really fucking long time to do yoga even if you have a good instructor and the class is well paced. Our teacher was okay, but I didn't like the pace.

Since class was 2x as long as a usual class, I should have brought 2x as many towels. It makes sense in hindsight.

Teacher was very small, athletic type: maybe 5' 5" tall, 90 lbs, very skinny. Felt like she was kind of into herself. Which, I get it, I'm into me too, in a self-hating sort of way, so I make allowances. And yet...

She was also into how awesome her yoga practice is. And she does have a very strong practice. But if you're 5' 5" and weigh 90 lbs and are very flexible: no shit. She was probably skinny before she ever started doing yoga. She said that she had gained a lot of 'strength' from her practice. What she meant was her strength-to-weight ratio had improved, which is not the same thing, and it bugs me when people get that stuff confused. Because people are built differently, and what is possible for the teacher, or me, or you, might vary wildly, especially if you aren't shaped like a stick figure. Recognizing this variability, and teaching accordingly, is important.

Anyway, class starts and we do an intro. 1/3 of the people's goal for the class is to 'do a handstand away from the wall'. What the fuck people! If you want to do a handstand without the wall, the trick is to do a handstand... AWAY FROM THE WALL. Crazy, right? You don't need a workshop for that. You need to practice without the wall. How do you not know this? Not much to talk about - you can either do it or you can't. It's possible you suck at handstands or have never gotten good instruction. The wall is irrelevant. Learn how not to eat shit if you kick over too far. If that is beyond you, forget about doing a real unaided handstand. But I digress.

So we do the thing and it goes on and on. I sweat a lot. Like, more than you can imagine. Usually it's not so bad, but class goes and goes and I keep sweating, and after a while my towels are all completely soaked through, and the sweat is pooling adjacent to my mat. Everything I touch is soaked through, sweat is streaming off my shorts. I'm sweaty, is what I mean.

The arm balances were good, as far as it goes. The instructor's strategy was okay, but the class as a group can't do most of the stuff she demo'd. You'd think we would go over a lot of the biomechanics of how to get into a handstand away from the wall (see above), but instead we practiced how to pike into handstand, which exactly zero students could do. Useful? Not so much. It's not a matter of practice, it's a matter of looking at the students and realizing that it's not fucking happening, not today, and probably not ever, so maybe we should practice something else. Eventually we did.

We move on and spend a lot of time on core work, which is key for balancing. Then it's a mix of core and balances. It was okay, although the pace was inconsistent and not enough effort was made to help individual students. We also did some partner work, which I loathe. No one wants to get near me because I'm such a sweaty mess, and I don't blame them.

Another point: people that are very good at something often make poor teachers because it comes naturally to them. This teacher had a massive disconnect between telling us what to do (bring your hands down and pick your feet up) and how to do it. Doing a good demo is less important than describing how to align everything, especially in arm balances and inversions. Where are your hips? Your knees? What is your core doing? The teacher covered some of this but not nearly enough. I attribute this to her natural ability. She never had to think about it so simple explanations suffice. Or maybe that's her teaching style.

I wanted to finish the class but I became so frustrated with sitting in my sweat puddle that after 2.5 hours I packed up and walked out. Trying to do poses on a slippery mat/towel is difficult at best, dangerous at worst. The teacher thought I was tired. I'm not tired. My 20 minute crossfit workout yesterday was more challenging.* I created my own personal swamp and couldn't take it any more. Next time: more towels. Like, a lot more.

All workshops are different, and this was a good experience, even with all the stuff I mentioned above. If I had enough towels to clean up my space I could have gotten through it, so that's a lesson learned. As for the teacher, her style wasn't my favorite but it was still worthwhile.

Now, who wants to practice handstands?

*20:15 if you're keeping score. Only 155 lb deadlift though (back issues), and regular jump rope with 3x the reps.

The Crib

Looks like a nice place to put your head down after a long quest.

Speaking of quests, Ze Newbs writes that he was one of the readers distinctly unimpressed with Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell in book form.  I understand. But it could make for good television.

Crazy Breeds Crazy

It turns out that the murderous bastards that attacked the Boston Marathon were motivated in part by crazy, ridiculous conspiracy theories.

Their parents believe they are innocent of all charges because, wait for it... it's all a conspiracy!

It makes a lot of sense, if you think about it. It's much easier to blame someone else for your progeny's awful behavior than it is to accept a difficult truth. So: here we are. Ugh.

Babel-ing: Lovers Eyes

The not-new-any-more Mumford and Sons album is uneven. Some great songs, some meh songs. This is a great one. It's a live version from I heart Radio or whatever. I got to see Mumford and Sons perform twice last year and it was awesome. I mean that literally: inspiring awe. If you like the music you should do it. I can't deal with crowds very well in my old age, but it's worth it. I promise.

The other great one was featured last year, although they took it down.

Gear Loadout - Tactical Response Fighting Pistol

There are many like it but this one isn't mine

Spent some time last week doing some training with Tactical Response. I took their Fighting Pistol class and quite liked it. Learned a lot, go to do some cool stuff, had a good time.* Wrote a lengthy After Action Report, some of which I may post here later, but in the interest of space and limited readership appeal here's an excerpt.

It's a summary of the gear I used during the course. I wrote it in part to satirize the breathless wanking that frequently accompanies gear commentary on the intertubez. There is a huge emphasis on gear over other, more useful/practical elements, such as mindset and physical fitness. One (very nice) guy in my class was 100 lbs. overweight and wore the same pricey "tactical" pullover two days in a row, in two different colors. Dude, sweet shirt (in both colors), but how about adjusting priorities and spending some of that money on a nutrition program? It will help every aspect of your life, including your shooting. That second pullover? Not so much.

(I don't know if the same thing happens in other hobbies, like golf, but given how much advertising I see for golf clubs and related accessories, my guess is that it does. The funny thing is that the best way to be a better golfer / shooter / skier / whatever is to practice. But practice is hard, and buying crap is easy. I should know because I make the same mistake.)

My loadout for Fighting Pistol with Tactical Response: 

• Super sweet Solomon hiking shoes (saw Haley wear them on youtubez, you know I bought that shit immediately - did you know Zappos sold tactical gear? You do now.)
• REI cargo pants that I got on sale; they cost 1/10th as much as my Crye Precision All-Weather Field Pants but performed just as well. There's a lesson there, but fuck that noise 'cause I'm not hearing it.
• Ares Gear Ranger belt (this belt is actually the shit; no joke)
• Cane and Derby OWB holster with hardware that I neglected to loc-tite so one of the screws backed out (I am an idiot) – it finished the class without issue, with a Comp-Tac dual mag holder (good kit).
• HK45 (overcompensating because I have a small penis, but thankfully large enough not to buy a .40) 
• XS big dots, because YEAGER!!!!!111!!!11!1
• Youth-medium sized t-shirt because I like to show off my guns at the range (see what I did there? HONK!)
• “Dead bird” hat (too tacticool to call it Arc’Teryx) with USA flag patch because I fucking love  America (not even kind of joking about loving America)
• Enough tactical SPF 70 sunscreen for all of DevGru; the sun is a bitch, yo. 

* During intros we mentioned what we did for a living and I said I solved computer problems. After a couple hours on the line an instructor (Yeager) stopped behind me and said, "Nice shooting, geek." I laughed.

Greek Salad

I was in a fraternity but the greek system at my school was only about 15% of the student population. Which is to say, rather small.

It's a bigger deal at other schools, and it prompts letters like this one, which I found hilarious. It was written by a member of a "lower-tier, very awkward" sorority that set up an event with a "pretty good" frat.* She writes (in part):


I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the Greek community, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. 

----
I laughed because it's true.




 * I keep typing 'frat' as 'fart', which probably says more about my experience than any story I could tell.

Good News (for a narrow subset of people)

One of my all time favorite books has been picked up by the BBC so that they can turn it into a minseries.

Says the Paper of Record:

To a television lineup that includes time-traveling adventures and clone-related intrigues, BBC America is adding a little magic. That network and its British sibling, the BBC, said on Monday that they would produce a television adaptation of Susanna Clarke’s best-selling novel, “Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell,” which would be shown as a mini-series in 2014.

--

This is probably not going to be terrible, and it might be really great. Because the book was really great. Although many (all?) of the people to whom I recommended it didn't like it as much as I did. Philistines.

Politics Alert!! (Apologies in Advance) THINK OF THE CHILDREN

Big vote on gun control legislation today. I made the mistake of listening to the White House Press Briefing. It used to give me apoplexy back when W was in charge (and I use that word very loosely) so today was a pleasant jaunt down memory lane.

In his daily press brief the White House Press Secretary just drew a straight line from Newtown and Aurora to the background check bill currently sitting in the Senate. Specifically: "A vote against the bill is a vote against the people grieving in Newtown, and the people still grieving in Aurora." Wait, what? So I either support the bill or I approve of killing children and innocents? I'm not strictly opposed to gun legislation that makes sense, but if that's how they're going to frame it then they can get f*cked.

Bullshit rhetoric is bullshit.

Sometimes even the village idiots get it right. For example, Rand Paul, who is an embarrassment to sentient humanity in general and his party in particular, accused the president of using the Newtown families as 'props'. Which is horrible, but also true. No one gives a damn about the kids getting shot in Chicago on the regular but if 21 white kids get shot by a sociopath we have to make new laws for 320 million people immediately if not sooner. Except: No. 

In related news, the proposed legislation would have had no impact on the Newtown shooting, nor will it help the kids in Chicago. So what is the point of it, exactly?

Not Much

No news on this end. It can't all be stories of my ineptitude.
Enh, I guess it could, but I'd rather not.

I'm looking forward to when they catch up with the bastard(s) that set off bombs at the Boston Marathon. The sooner they are caught, the sooner they (and their cowardly ilk) can be removed from circulation and squashed, like cockroaches.

Civilian targets? At the Boston fucking Marathon? Wow. Just: wow. 

Kind of a Big Deal

Irv

My writeup of Irv and his inspiring effort last Friday made the blog for our gym space. You can read that writeup here: http://www.crossfitbalboa.com/2013/04/self-discovery-and-triumph/


Not much new information is added, although BenOS (pronounced Ben-oh-ess, which is easy enough for any windows OS geeks to remember).


I had posted a link to the writeup for BenOS* to read and he liked it enough to share. So that's fun.

Yoga storytime:

Before yoga class starts there are a few minutes when everyone is getting their mats out, doing some stretching, placing water bottles and towels, chatting, etc. Some people take the opportunity to do some early warmup, or work on a pose they want to try later. Handstands are popular, but doing a handstand in the middle of a crowded room is kind of aggressive and/or douchey. I call them 'statement handstands', because it's very look-at-me. In yesterdays class a d-bag in the front row went for a statement handstand but crashed into the wall when he tipped over. It looked like he hurt his foot; his pride was sorely wounded. Ahhh what a douche.

I know exactly how he felt because it was me. It was embarrassing and also funny. Seemed like a good idea at the time. The girls that were near me didn't make fun of me at all, although I hope they had a good laugh about it after class. I did, although it makes me blush to tell the story.

Chances of me attempting the same thing at tomorrow's yoga class are fixed at 100%. Some people never learn. And my toes don't hurt any more; it was a glancing blow. Note to self: don't try to save it next time. Just let go. And move away from, or closer to, the wall. Intermediate distances are no bueno.


 



* I use nicknames on the blog because they are easier to remember and also more fun.  Also they are unique: There are many Scott's in this world, but only one Spud. Anyway, BenOS's (say: Ben-oh-esses) is funny mostly because he has a hyphenated last name that starts with the letters... wait for it... O and S.  When I asked him how that came to be, he said (actual quote), "Because my dad is a pussy."

Not Very Supportive

I spend a lot of time in front of a computer. As such, people often ask me for help with their computer issues. I don't mind; I like solving problems. Also, once I get started on something I can't leave it until it's done. This characteristic makes me at times helpful, at other times annoying. So I've fixed all kind of computer problems.

Once I fixed a computer on a blind date. We went to dinner and on the way home the girl invited me in for a drink. I wasn't in the mood for kissyface so I focused on technical problem solving. We didn't go out any more but became friends.

Another time I fixed a buddy's computer because he had visited an adult content site and accidentally installed something, then purposefully installed something else to remove the thing he had accidentally installed. Oops. That was one of the more funny experiences because when I started up his computer (the main screen can only be described as SEVERE) I had to ask him what happened. He said, "Well..."  We left it there; some things you don't want to know.

Recently I spent an hour on the phone because my mom had a printer issue so she called HP technical support, ended up on the line with some guy in India who tried to sell her a $350 anti-virus plan for her PC. Yes you read that right. Let's break it down:

1. Printer suddenly stops working, light is blinking. According to my mom, the cartridge "cannot be the problem - it is new". (We'll come back to this.)
2. Mom tries to click through a solution at HP tech support on hp.com, unsuccessfully. 
3. Mom calls HP 800 number, is routed to who knows where. 
4. HP tech support guy listens to her PRINTER problem, makes her log into showmypc.com and lies at length about how she has a virus, and needs to pay $350 to get her computer working again. 
5. My mom realizes that maybe this has gone a bit far, so she calls me. 

I talk her through some anti-virus stuff, review what the HP guy told her. Turns out that nothing is wrong with her PC besides it is old. It was old and sucked when they brought it home from costco in 2007. 

The printer issue? I googled "hp deskjet 5740 blinking light" and  found a solution in 5 seconds. It's almost like someone, somewhere, had the exact same problem and HP put the info on the web to help them sort it out. It can't be the cartridge, except when she followed the instructions it started working again. Weird.

As for HP 1-800 tech support? Never, ever again. There's a special place in hell for scam artists that prey on the old and unsuspecting.

Do Work

Click to Embiggen

(Photo unrelated, except that when I dig down deep and look for extra effort I think of Reese and how strong she was, and I can go a little bit further. Toughness comes in all shapes and sizes, and sometimes it is 48 lbs of sweet, sweet sugar. Also it's a lovely picture, cropped from a larger version I posted last month.)

Crossfit has a huge, devoted following. I'm not sure all the devotion is warranted - people are crazy about it - but I enjoy the structure and variety of workouts.  Last week we did the crossfit qual workout (13.5?). I don't give a shit about qualifying for "The Open"; maybe I'd get more excited if they held it every four years. The workout was 15 thrusters followed by 15 pull ups, repeat as many times as possible, in 4 minutes.

Anyway, we did the workout, and this is what happened:

For Friday's crossfit qual workout we had to do it in stages with partners. My partner Irv was a guy I had only seen once or twice and never formally met. Irv was relatively new to crossfit, close to me in age but not in very good shape. The partner's job is to judge your workout and 'no rep' you if you don't meet standards. I can be kind of intense; Irv didn't really know what he was in for. He figured it out once we got under way.

Did my workout and it was fine. I try to put the bar down instead of waste the energy on a no rep thruster. So we went over standards for him and Irv can't do chest-to-bar or kipping pull ups so we planned for max pull ups and then jump ups. He could do the thrusters at lower weight so that was fine. I told him before we started that those were the standards and I would no rep him. He thought maybe I was joking. Mistake.

We get started and he does awesome for the first 12 thrusters (we're going to 15), and then he decides to take a rep off. NO REP. The look on his face says, damn, this guy is for real. So he gets under the bar and does two more, and of course he decides to flail on rep 15. NO REP. Oh you're tired? Tough shit. Do it right or don't do it. So he resets and hits 15 (it's amazing what you can do if you focus) and we move to the pull up bar. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He cranked out 15 but he's starting to look a little wobbly. I am encouraging him every step of the way. Talking him through his breathing, telling him to get on the bar. I don't think he's worked that hard in a long time.

Back to the thrusters. Now it sucks. He can only do a couple at a time and I am in his ear. Same thing as last time: he gets to the end and flails. NO REP. It is possible I am the only person in the gym hitting my partner with no reps. I am intense like that. But he is really pushing himself and even he can't believe how well he is doing.

Back to the pull up bar for round two. He is suffering. His grip isn't very good. We have about 45 seconds to do the pull ups. I tell him: "we are going to finish this set and do one thruster for a 61 rep total. No problem, but you need to get moving." Can Irv get to rep 61? Unknown. We are going to find out. We're on a voyage of discovery together, except only one of us is paddling and it's not me.

He is doing triples on the pull up bar, barely. Now I'm talking him through it, step by step. On the bar, one two, breathe. "Get on the bar, Irv. The extra rest isn't helping - we are past that now." ("We"? I'm not doing dick.) The clock is ticking. "GET ON THE BAR." He is down to singles. On rep 15 he blows it. NO REP. He can't believe it. I am screaming: YOU ARE GOING TO FINISH THIS REP AND GET ON THAT GODDAMN BAR AND GIVE ME ONE THRUSTER. YOU GOT THIS LET'S GO LET'S GO LET'S GO. The professional crossfitters that dropped in at the gym that day are like, holy shit.

Irv finishes his last pull up and moves to the bar for the final thruster. I have one eye on him and one eye on the timer. We have 3 seconds. I am screaming: GET ON THAT BAR LET'S GO HIPS DOWN CLEAN SQUAT BURST FROM THE HIPS GET YOUR HEAD THROUGH GAHHHHHHHHHHHH and bam he crushes it: cleans the weight up to his chest, squats down, hips explode, arms extend, head through, 4:00 on the timer. 61 reps. I lost my shit. Epic triumph. He shakes his head, can't believe he did it. Fist pumps and handshakes.

I've seem some amazing athletes at crossfit but I'm most impressed by the people that work the hardest, push themselves beyond what they think they can do. Way to crush it, Irv. Respect. You earned it.

Majestic Nature Loves Greens

Majestic Nature Loves Greens

This comes courtesy the regularly excellent Alligator Sunglasses.
It's better if you read it in a really deep voice. Try it. You know you want to. Yeahhh... That's right...

Wait, where was I? Oh, veggies. Right. Got it. Uhh, yeah. Eat your greens.

Mix in a Salad

Samoa Air is charging passengers based on their weight. They say it's the future. That's funny, because I bitched about it to Jetblue back in 2009. And I'm sure I was late even then. This has been going on ever since commercial air travel got started.

The issue, as I explain at length in my post, is that people that weigh more cost more to fly, so if you're wedged next to a fat slob on an airplane you are not only suffering because they take up all the room on the armrest but also because their fat ass costs more to transport but they can buy the same price ticket as you do. Which is bullshit, if you think about it.

Why do you have to front the cost of their obesity? Because of the Americans with Disabilities Act. Making someone pay their fair share would be discriminatory. I don't agree, but that's the way the law is interpreted.

This new fare program sounds great to me. Samoa Air even takes the weight of your baggage into account. An unexpected winner: people traveling with kids. They don't weigh much, and the tickets are priced accordingly.

Is it a coincidence that Samoa Air serves several countries with, according to Forbes, the fattest populations in the world? Probably not. 

Jam of the Day

Yeah it's not really the Jam of the Day (since when did we start doing that?) - it's just a jam. Hat tip to Big Cheese for sending this to me. The original is pretty good too, but I prefer the remix. So that's where we are.

Hope you had a good weekend / Spring fertility celebration / Zombie Sunday.*

* A horde of twice-a-year "Christians" clogging up my local thoroughfares to celebrate the undead is my version of the Zombie Apocalypse.

Smarter Every Day

I thought this was rad.
Science disguised as entertainment - gets me every time. 

Work it Out

Not much to report. I go to the gym (shirts optional), do the yoga (no shirt, sweating all over everything, repping the handstands in the middle of the room because handstands = enlightenment are awesome even if you suck at yoga like I do), push paper at the job (shirts required, unless I'm working late at the crib, in which case: no shirt, PANTS OPTIONAL). You care.

The crossfit gym peeps give me a hard time because I never wear a shirt with sleeves when I work out. Ever. Comments include: Do you own a shirt with sleeves? (Me: No.)
And: Suns out guns out in the dead of winter, Case? (Me: Fuckin' A!)

So my workout clothes are an ugly mashup of shirts with the sleeves cut off and boardshorts designed by an artistic savant with inconsistent pattern recognition. They're so bad/good that my last girlfriend*, who I came to know at yoga and had never seen me in street clothes, thought I was color blind. True story.

Unrelated news: The following was on Grantland and described as if Coldplay and Toto had a love child, which they didn't think was good. I disagreed. Toto is rad! The video sucks but whatever. Hit play and then Ctrl + T, bitches. You know you want to.

Enjoy(?).





* We haven't talked about it in this space, but for the handful of family members that care: Ambra and I broke up in January. It was her decision. I didn't mention it because losing her and Reese is not an easy thing to talk about. It still isn't. I can't say I have good days and bad days - none of the days are good, but some are less bad than others Long-time readers will recognize a shift in tone over the past couple months. That's why. Okay let's get back to what I'm good at (anonymous and judgmental negative bitching, mostly).

Back to Back Videos (This one is nice)

Best part isn't the dancing, it's that the kid was so pumped all he could do was give his boss a hug at the end. I dare you not to smile.

Street Justice

This has 7,503 views as of this writing (at least 100 of them are mine). It will probably have a million by tomorrow. (Originally saw the video on deadspin.)

If you're going to be a bullying douche then sometimes you get what you deserve. Not nearly often enough, but sometimes.

North Korean Military Capability, Analyzed

STRONG LIKE BULL

North Korea is the short, belligerent drunkest guy at the party: makes a lot of noise but not really a threat as long as you keep him where you can see him. 

The article below digs into the North Korean rhetoric vs. the facts of their military capability. What could have been dry and boring is actually quite interesting. It's sufficiently funny that the author has to remind us, several times, that we're reading about the possible deaths of real people (about 80,000 if North Korea decides to attack Seoul and do as much damage as possible instead of wage a protracted, strategic war). The economic costs would be much higher, since the war would destabilize the region and displace many millions in a densely populated area. In terms of actual lives lost the bulk of the damage would be done in the first week. After that North Korea wouldn't have any heavy weapons left. But they would have something to eat after the UN clowns showed up. So that's something.

Read the whole thing for the details. It's fascinating.

http://nautilus.org/napsnet/napsnet-special-reports/mind-the-gap-between-rhetoric-and-reality/

The good news is that your US Military Industrial complex isn't going to let this not-really-a-challenge go unchallenged. They are spending another billion dollars on a missile defense system that almost, sort of works (kind of). From Military Times:

The missile defense system was first fielded by the administration of President George W. Bush in late 2004. It has a spotty test record and has never been used in actual combat. In addition to the 26 interceptors at Greely, the system includes four interceptors at Vandenberg Air Force Base, Calif.

So that's a comfort. Hey, it's only money. 

The Universe is a Cruel and Unforgiving Place

Brandon Knight is probably a good guy, nice to his friends and family. He didn't deserve this. But it happened, and to ignore that it happened would be silly.




To be fair, Knight is 6' 3" and DeAndre Jordan is 6' 11". But still: oof.

There can be only one

Grantland is holding a tournament to determine the most despised college basketball player ever.

When I read the headline the first word that popped into my head was LAETTNER. There can't possibly be any other winner. I haven't been to their fbook page to vote it but I may do later in the day. It'll be Laettner in a runaway. The rest of the players are only a mild irritant compared to Laettner, except for maybe (re)Dick. And even then (re)Dick is a vague, distant satellite orbiting the Jupiter-sized ball of enmity that is Laettner.

The problem with their bracket setup is that there are several Duke players that are easy number 1 seeds. I'll allow that Tyler Hans-Bro is a legit number 1, but he's still the fourth-ranked guy out of the 1 seeds. (re)dick is an easy #1, and you could make a case for any of the other Dook players for the third #1, even Paulus, who would probably win his bracket if he were in the 80's or 90's.

42

Douglas Adams gets a very excellent Google doodle today; it would have been his 61st birthday. He died of a heart attack in 2001.

Enjoy.

Cynicism abated (for now)

This is from Dirty Tackle, and it's video of a blind kid visiting with his heroes on the Barcelona squad.
They spend a few minutes with him before training and he gets a chance to try and identify them. Note that Puyol is an easy one, but Messi is tougher: He has to check his haircut and then put his hand on his shoulder  (Messi is famously short) for additional information. And then he guesses correctly. The goalie with braids is not a fist-team regular (and doesn't always wear braids) and the kid doesn't get it right away so he gives him a hint.

I confess that it made me smile.

The People Have Spoken (part n+1)

Sweet Katie says (in re: my previous post about books):

I haven't added any books to my permanent bookshelf for awhile (instead I read and pass them on), but when I try to get rid of any of my favorites, I just can't do it. Favorite books are like old friends. They're always there for you when you need them : )

---
Looking at my bookshelf since I posted the photo and it could use quite a lot of paring down. I donated roughly half as many as are shown on the shelf already but on review I think it should have been more. Something to work on.

All this talk of books motivated me to finish The Yellow Birds, which is very good if you like things that are depressing in the extreme. Superb storytelling, highly recommended. I would totally send you my copy except I read it on my ipad.

If you want to punish yourself a little you can browse the one star reviews for the book. It was featured on many 2012 Best Books lists, which isn't always a guarantee of relative 'good' but still: this was a book that a lot of people agreed was excellent. It is dense, and the writing is challenging in that it tries to explain in words things that you must feel in order to fully know. Translating that is difficult. The prose is rich and stylized. Not inaccessible (it's not Melville), but not People magazine.

Too much heavy lifting for 17 people (as of this writing), which I find hilarious. Who gets to the end of a book which the NYT calls, "brilliantly observed and deeply affecting" and says, "this is bullshit, ONE STAR!" I need to start doing that.

Life Skills

Red Ryder BB Gun = Win

In conversation the other day I explained to a friend that he should know how to operate a firearm: know how to use it in the event that someone handed it to him, or, more likely, how to unload and make it safe. It's an essential life skill, like knowing how to use a cellphone, drive a stick shift car or perform the Heimlich maneuver. And the knowledge, once acquired, lasts more or less forever.

Another friend questioned this basic philosophy. Why, he asked, does someone need to know how to use a firearm? He argued that it was extremely unlikely either of the scenarios I described would ever unfold (use or make safe), and he is right. So why bother?

I found the question vexing, not least because his argument is sound in that, practically speaking, it will never happen: there are almost no circumstances where the knowledge is required.


So: Why is knowing how to operate a firearm an essential life skill?

1. Knowledge is power. Knowing is half the battle. Whatever cliche you want to use, it's all the same. Empower yourself.

2. Self-reliance is important. If you don't know how to do something you have to ask someone else to help you. They may or may not be able to give you aid, but you will be at their mercy. That is not acceptable. Again: Empower yourself.

By way of example, I know how to change a flat tire. I wouldn't (I have AAA), but I do (and have done), and so should you. 

3. Safety is important. If you teach your kids to brush their teeth, learn to swim, wear a seatbelt, or look both ways before crossing the street then you should teach them what to do if they see a gun. You have a responsibility to them and, by extension, to yourself. Lead by example.

So that's why. As a bonus, the time investment is small. You can learn basic principles in 15 minutes and enough to make safe almost any gun in about an hour, including practice time. The knowledge lasts a lifetime.

See you out there.

Anchors Weigh

Bear Prefers an Overwatch Position

Friend of the blog once told me 'the things you own, own you'. It's a truism. I haven't gotten a new paper book since I started reading them on my ipad. After a lifetime of reading words on the printed page it's been a difficult adjustment.

There are elements related to reading a printed book vs. the ipad that you take for granted, not least of which is the tactile feel of the pages and knowing how close you are the the end without having to think about it.

Another issue is how easy it is to watch netflix or cat videos instead of read. A book has to be very compelling to keep me from wasting time on the internet. I very much enjoy long form magazine pieces on the ipad ($5.99 Longform app is great value for money), but I'm still not all in on books.

The things you own, own you. I always thought that was a warning to avoid dead weight in material goods (and immaterial, because if you are angry then you own that, too). And it is. But in dusting off these books for the first time since unpacking them (an overdue chore) I realized that the things you own can also be an anchor when you're feeling adrift. It was unexpected.

See you out there.

Pups

I need to host this photo of pups so I'm putting it here. I'm going through photos of her and liked this one.

No Suprises

I don't put too much stock in what the American Public believes. National elections should be enough to disabuse you of the quality of groupthink and if that's insufficient, there's always this.

A survey indicates that 58% of Americans believe in a correlation between video games and teenage violence. It's an easy correlation to make. Teenage kids play games and sometimes they are violent. They also ride bikes. BIKE RIDING IS CAUSING VIOLENCE. What?

These types of polls are garbage (which Americans? What kind of violence?) but I always wonder what adults blamed the violence on before video games. Probably drugs in the 70s, rock and roll in the 60s, television in the 50s, war in the 40s, poverty in the 30s, women's liberalism in the 20s, war (again) in the teens, etc, etc.

I don't have the energy to look up any of the infinite examples of teenage violence that predate video games. The entire notion is absurd and lazy. Oh, your perfect angel is acting like a shithead? I wonder what the cause is? It must be some external factor completely unrelated to you and/or your parenting. Except: No. 

If you're worried about your kid behaving violently because he/she plays violent video games the problem isn't the game(s), the problem is you.

Loss

It's been a difficult time.


Thanks for your birthday wishes last week.

22 Minutes of Heat

Big Cheese sends this to me long, long after it's been available. Why not sooner? Just didn't care enough I guess. Bad friend. So it's a couple years old. But: it is outstanding.

Go here and download it immediately if not sooner: 
http://www.theglitchmob.com/music/2010/12/the-glitch-mob-vs-hype-machine/

And because I know how you like to be kept up to date, go here to listen/download the mixes from 2012:
http://hypem.com/zeitgeist/2012/tracks

And now you can ignore that hot mess until 2014.  People talking about how much people are talking about music? Too meta. Shut up and play the hits.

The People Have Spoken

The Readership (rightly) pointed out that the blog had become a bit one-dimensional.

They also pointed out that it was probably because I don't feel like writing about what's going on with me on the day to day. And it's true: I do not.

I'll broaden the scope of the source material. Here's a short anecdote about Reese the Best Dog in the World:

When it was Ambra's birthday last year we went on a lovely picnic. I got a bunch of fancy cheeses, fruity summer fruits, crackers and some premium wine coolers from the local purveyor of such things and we packed it up made our way to the picnic spot. It was a lovely sunny summer day so we played ball with Reese and she ran and ran, chasing birds around, as was her wont. As part of my special gift to Ambra I agreed to scoop all the poop that day. We were at picnic place for a couple hours and all the activity really seemed to loosen Reese up because she pooped four times. Four times! Healthy poops, too. (I would know.) That girl really knew how to liven up a party. Anyway, we ran out of bags (four poops!) and I had to wrangle the last one with some cardboard and ingenuity. And dignity. As beautiful as the day was, that poop was the opposite. The things you do for love.

It's the little things (again)

I got your back

Here then is my new favorite GIF. It takes a bit to figure out exactly what happens, but they payoff is worth it. Apologies if it takes forever to load on your machine. I tried  few things to reduce load times so hopefully that will balance it out. 

Not What I Expected

Supposedly the secret to a happy, contented life is managing expectation. Since I'm shit at managing expectation I wouldn't know. But it sounds right. It's got the air of truthiness.

Since today is my Special Day I'm going to finish the bag of Mint Milano Cookies that I started at lunchtime. I'll take my victories where I can find them. Beyond that, enh, we'll see.

AAR: Pistol Manipulation 1.0 with Falcon Ops

Blah blah shooting classes blah reports. Needed to write this down so here we are. We'll get back to cats and stuff later on in the week.

------------------------------

If this is tl;dr, here’s a summary:

Take the Pistol Manipulation 1.0 class with Falcon Ops. They care about making you a better shooter and they have the teaching and communication skills to do it.

http://falconops.net/products-page/c...al-pistol-1-0/

Covered the basics of Falcon Ops Carbine 1.0 already so a couple paragraphs from that AAR are copied here. As before: Attempt here is to focus on what isn’t available on their website.

Same guys (Charles ‘Voodoo’ Ferrara, Anson ‘Hollywood’ Beck, plus the other instructors Senior and Hoss; all instructors are credentialed/certified), same range (Prado in Corona, CA). 8 hour course, 500 rounds planned. I will use nicknames because that is what they call each other.

27 students, 4 instructors (more on this shortly).

Cans of dip chewed: Many. If you like guns and dick jokes, spit chew and can follow the four firearm life safety rules then you will be right at home with Falcon Ops. Also popular: the f word.

They swear a lot. Like, a fucking ton. If you can’t handle 4 letter words (8 letter, 16 letter, who can keep track with the way Hollywood talks) then this is maybe not for you. And you would be missing out, because the quality of the instruction is excellent.

What constitutes quality instruction? The ability to effectively communicate and demonstrate complex concepts. At this they excel.

I liked the Falcon Ops training style very much. They want training to be safe, educational and fun. Their presentations are professional, polished and well organized. They run a tight ship, so although the environment is informal it is not casual. They talk about the difference between these two things, and proper attitude, during the mindset portion of the training (which runs throughout the day).

ESSENTIAL GEAR NOT LISTED ON THEIR LOADOUT LIST: Gloves appropriate for shooting. Sunscreen + sweaty hands + hot weather + lots of rounds = slippery hands, even for guys that had guns with custom stippling. Gloves help a lot and if you don’t have them it’s very difficult to unfuck yourself. Practice manipulating your gun with gloves on to make sure that you aren’t a mess when you get to your class.

Favorite joke of the day by far:

Hollywood: Are there any re-enactors here?

Class: [Blank looks]

Hollywood: Re-enactors? Anyone? No one is shooting a 1911? [2 hands go up] Oh, couple guys? Cool.

I about fell over laughing. They didn’t mention the 1911s again after that. As far as I know there were no issues with any of the pistols, 1911 or otherwise, over the course of the day.

Topics covered (from memory, no notes, order may be jumbled because we hit them throughout the day):

• Mindset
• 7 fundamentals of marksmanship as they relate to pistol shooting
• Trigger control (this came up all day long)
• Three Five types of reloads (admin, tactical, emergency, Russian, New York)
• Shooting from low ready
• Shooting from compressed ready
• Drawing from a holster
• Identifying a threat to your right, left, or rear, turning, drawing and shooting

We closed out the day shooting a single-elimination tournament on a dueling tree, which was great fun after a long day. Disappointingly, we didn’t get to finish it due to the class size. Speaking of class size…

Stuff to improve: Class size and instructor/student ratio. Due to a **** up on the website registration code the class was overenrolled by 5 students (about 25%). There was no way to proceed quickly without compromising safety so the pace was slow. No way around it, so some of us got to hone the fundamentals a bit more during drills. Also, we ran short on time at the end. Other than that, wouldn’t change anything.

Looking forward to training with these guys again.

AAR: Carbine Manipulation 1.0 with Falcon Ops

Gun/Dog*

I spent the weekend shooting guns with guys that teach people how to shoot guns. The typical protocol for this type of thing is to write an After Action Report. This is that report. (No shit, right?) It will be of limited interest to most, so skip ahead (another AAR will be arriving soon - sorry about that) if you're not into it.

--------
If this post is tl;dr for you, here's the short version:

Take the Carbine Manipulation 1.0 class with Falcon Ops. They care about making you a better shooter and they have the teaching and communication skills to do it.

-----------------
Here's the full version:
AAR: Falcon Ops Carbine Manipulation 1.0

https://falconops.net/products-page/...0-feb-19-2012/

I participated in the courses offered by Falcon Ops this past weekend: Pistol Manipulation 1.0 and Carbine Manipulation 1.0. I’ll do an AAR on PM 1.0 in a different post. Class was 8 hours, cost was $150, and we had 18 students for 4 instructors. Recommended round count: 500 rounds. I will try and cover stuff that isn’t available on their website, so for more info on their backgrounds go there.

Falcon Ops is Charles Ferrara (aka Voodoo) and Anson Beck (aka Hollywood). Additional instructors for the weekend were Hoss and Senior. (I forget their actual names. I do remember that Hoss had a kydex holder for his can of Skoal, which I thought was funny.) I will use their nicknames here because that’s what they call each other.

The style is very informal. They don’t take themselves too seriously at Falcon Ops. I don’t mean unprofessional – they do not mess around on the range and safety is priority number one at all times. Their communication style is technical but very informal; they like to joke a lot during the lecture portions, partly to make it fun, and partly to check if you are paying attention. Their presentation and organization is very polished.

Also, they swear a lot. Like, a fucking ton. If you can’t handle 4 letter words (8 letter, 16 letter, fuck who can keep track with the way Hollywood talks) then this is maybe not for you. And you would be missing out, because the quality of the instruction is excellent.

What constitutes quality instruction? The ability to effectively communicate and demonstrate complex concepts. At this they excel.

Important: Listed required equipment is a modern sporting rifle with at least 5 mags, some mag pouches. You will have a better experience if you bring or borrow 20 or 30 round magazines. Good luck finding those now, but Falcon will let you borrow theirs so if that’s an impediment it can be worked around. If you have 10 round mags, bring a lot, and even then, figure on borrowing some and practice your emergency reloads before you get there. It will help you get the most out of your training.

Topics covered over the course of the day (partial list, from memory; note that some topics, like trigger control, were touched on throughout the day):

• Mindset
• Fundamentals of firing a rifle from the prone position – body position, rifle position, breathing.
• Battle Sight Zero (BZO), we zeroed for a 50 yard point of aim/point of impact. We were able to do this on a 25 yard range using their proprietary targets, a valuable skill if you have limited access to outdoor shooting ranges.
• 7 fundamentals of marksmanship
• Sight over bore and adjusting for sight over bore at close range
• Three types of reloads, with live fire practice
• Vulnerable target areas for humans
• Proper practice techniques
• Basic care and maintenance of the AR-style rifle
• Transitioning from shooting standing to kneeling
• Trigger control

I can’t speak for everyone but the training was very useful for me. A further testament to the value of the class was alumni attendance. Roughly 1/3 of the class was alumni, working the fundamentals.

Suggestions for improvement:
Bring mags like I mentioned above. The teaching itself moves at the pace of the slowest student. That’s good for the students and also safety. With a range of skills it’s possible that some may feel like it’s too slow. If so you can discuss it with the instructors and they will adapt your instruction accordingly.

Beyond that I don’t know what I would improve. They have a program and it starts with the fundamentals that you work from the ground up.

See you out there.

*I miss pups. She would help me clean guns sometimes. 

Doing it right: Hockey Fans

This is great in so many ways.
The attention to detail, the execution, the fact that Jagr saw them in the stands and had a good laugh about it. If every sports highlight was this good I would get cable again.

Better with repeated viewings

Just a backflip off some stairs from one skateboard to another. 

The flip itself is my favorite. 100% commitment. Jump and rotate, locate your target, put your feet on it. No bigs.

Wrong Word: Dire // Floating Tub of Lardass Adrift in Gulf of Mexico

This from yahoo.com: Passengers Text About Dire Conditions on Cruise Ship

Wow, sounds bad. 'Dire' would seem to indicate a life-threatening or dangerous condition. From dictionary.com:  "causing or involving great fear or suffering; dreadful; terrible"

Except conditions aren't 'dire' at all. They're merely uncomfortable.  The first line of the news article says:

Passengers on the fire-damaged Carnival cruise ship stranded in the Gulf of Mexico have reported worsening conditions including scarce running water, no air conditioning and long lines for food. 

I picture the typical cruise passenger as a bloated, sunburned midwesterner, splitting his time between naps and regular visits to the buffet. The article does little to dispel this stereotype.

'Scarce running water' means no showers. Still plenty of water for drinking. No A/C is a bummer in the sub-tropics, but it's far from 'terrible'. Long lines for food? The horror! So there's food, but a line. No one is actually going hungry. Also, the waste system isn't working very well in the absence of electricity so it's a stinky, shitty mess in the lower decks. Which does sound miserable, if not exactly 'involving great fear'.

For the definitive word on big cruise ships, we refer to the late, great David Foster Wallace. The Wikipedia description of "Shipping Out" (aka "A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again") says, "[Wallace] explains how the indulgences of the cruise turn him into a spoiled brat, leading to overwhelming internal despair." That sentence alone goes a long way towards explaining the tone of the yahoo article. Dire, indeed.

Logic Fail, now at both the state and Federal level

I had posted this, then took it down. It's pretty wonky for this blogspace. But since the state legislators in CA proposed the stiffest gun restrictions in entire union I'm posting it again. Because the key word in "gun control" isn't 'gun', it's 'control'.

----------------------------------------

Dianne Feinstein is on a crusade to ban guns. She doesn't want to take yours away, she just wants to make them sufficiently hard to get that no one can have yours after you're dead. I confess that the difference between an outright ban and the legislation she proposes is too subtle for me. The end result is the same: a restriction on your right to own firearms.

For some people this is completely unacceptable; any infringement on their rights to keep and bear arms is beyond the pale. Others argue that these types of guns are not 'necessary' and don't belong in the hands of civilians. I will leave that argument for a separate post, but: Feinstein's proposed plan for background checks, registration and limits on magazine capacity is old news here in CA but it would be a huge change for most of the rest of the country.

My beef with the legislation is that it solves a problem that doesn't exist with a solution that doesn't work. Feinstein and her hypocritical ilk are so emotionally wrapped up in GUNZ ARE BAD that the data is being completely ignored. Also, they have somehow convinced the voting public that they and (especially) their kids are in grave danger from these modern sporting rifles (AR-15's, AK47's, and similar semi-auto, magazine fed rifles). Handguns represent the greater danger to the average citizen, but I'll leave those for a separate post.

The practical truth is that, statistically speaking, modern sporting rifles present you no danger at all.

This from the Guardian.co.uk:

Since the previous assault rifle ban expired under a "sunset clause" in 2004, Feinstein said, "more than 350 people have been killed with assault weapons and more than 450 people have been injured. We should be outraged by how easy it is for the perpetrators of these horrific crimes to obtain these lethal weapons."

Let's unpack that statement, because I think it nicely encapsulates why this legislation is complete nonsense. 

Since the original gun control legislation expired in 2004:

•  800 people have been killed or wounded with modern sporting rifles
• Between 2004-2009, around 19,400 children were killed by drowning, most commonly in swimming pools*
• In 2010 alone, 436 children from 1-4 were killed by drowning. An additional 343 were killed in moving traffic accidents. 
• Again in 2010: 7,024 people aged 15-24 were killed in traffic accidents. 656 drowned. 

 Just for kicks, let's look at some big numbers: 

• From 2004-2010 (the latest year data is available) 249,009 people were killed in traffic 'incidents'. HOLY SHITBALLS. Conservatively, we can add another 30,000 for 2011 and 2012 and bring that number to 310,000 people. There's 320 million people in the US, so that's about 0.01% of the population. Hey, what percentage of the population is 800? Uh, that's 0.00025% of the population.
• Since 2002, there have been around 121,000 documented civilian deaths in the Iraq war.

You can dig into the data for yourself. The short version is, why are we even having a conversation about this?

The long version is that your most likely cause of death is highly age and race dependent, but if you're a child between the ages of 1-4 it's far more likely that you will drown in your swimming pool than you will be shot with a gun. In fact it is true for most people. The glaring exception is with young non-white men, for whom dying of a gunshot wound is a legitimate concern.

The counter-argument is: well, even though the numbers are small, they are preventable. So we should pass this legislation. To which I respond, if the numbers are important, why aren't you doing more to save people from the stuff that actually kills them in great numbers? Because it's too hard? Oh. That's a good reason.

So this new legislation is not about the children, and it's not about your safety. It's about an irrational, emotional fear, leveraged to control you. If you're going to be afraid of something, make sure it's legitimate, not invented. And start banning swimming pools. Those things are DANGEROUS.



* To update information on the incidence and characteristics of fatal and nonfatal unintentional drowning in the United States, CDC analyzed death certificate data from the National Vital Statistics System and injury data from the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System – All Injury Program (NEISS-AIP) for 2005–2009. The results indicated that each year an average of 3,880 persons were victims of fatal drowning and an estimated 5,789 persons were treated in U.S. hospital EDs for nonfatal drowning. Death rates and nonfatal injury rates were highest among children aged ≤4 years; these children most commonly drowned in swimming pools.

Stop Talking: Chief Keith James gets it wrong

This is from a recent press conference announcing proposed legislation in California that will be the 'most restrictive in the country' (says State Senator Steinberg, who is exactly the kind of person that looks like he would give a bad guy his wallet and hope he would go away before he got mad, but whatever).

In a video display sure to go down in police history as one of the dumbest fucking things a cop has ever said on camera, (corrected text) Emeryville police Chief Keith James explains that guns are 'offensive', not 'defensive' weapons. He says guns are:

"Offensive weapons, used to intimidate, and used to show power. Police officers do not carry a gun as a defensive weapon, to defend themselves or their other officers. They carry a gun to be able to do their job in a safe and effective manner, and face any oppositions [sic] that we [sic] may come upon."

Fast forward to 6:28 in the video for the key quote, or just go here.

So that's why cops carry guns: so that they can intimidate and show power. In other words, cops don't carry guns because you might shoot them, they carry guns so that they can shoot you. I never thought of it that way but it makes a lot of sense.

That's a comforting thought to share at a press conference where you're announcing a broad plan to restrict my rights as a firearms owner.

This isn't about public safety, it's about control. 

Drop Leg Holster Fail from the CA Sheriff's Department

Fitment Issues

As of this writing there is a massive manhunt for a former police officer who flipped out after he got fired. He has killed three people (so far) and wounded several more.

The LAPD and other law enforcement is, understandably, a little jumpy. In two separate incidents they have misidentified and shot up a vehicle. The passengers in one vehicle were uninjured, but both passengers were hit in the second vehicle, one critically. Oops. The women that were shot by mistake were out delivering papers in the wee hours of the morning. Note: The suspect is a heavyset black male. I think that the women that were shot were neither heavyset, nor black, nor male. But I think it was dark outside when the shooting took place.

This is a great example of the difference between cops and soldiers: cops are trained to write tickets, and soldiers are trained to kill people. (This is why the US armed forces make crappy police. But I digress.) When cops get in gunfights things tend not to go very well. They don't practice gunfighting all that much, and with good reason. The bulk of their job has nothing to do with armed conflict. They usually have teams that practice it, and that's why you have SWAT teams for pissant police departments all across the country: because men like to play dress up, and because shooting guns is way more fun than writing tickets and corralling drunks or refereeing the latest domestic dispute between the local meth fiends.

Brief aside: The comments scrolling on the LA Times coverage of the murders is astonishingly anti-LAPD. The Times coverage for the cops has been strongly pro-police, but this is not a popular view in the comments. This surprises me, because the suspects opening salvo in his war on police was to shoot two innocent people. Not exactly warrior code stuff.

Speaking of playing dress up, there are some good photos of the Sheriffs and others getting their battle gear on and doing what they do. Lots of different things stand out but the photo above highlights how NOT to wear a drop-leg holster. The guns are too low (especially at left), and the holster straps much too loose, as are the pants. If you want to know what's what, check the pro tips from Travis "Tight Pants are Tactical" Haley.* 

You might say, enh, he was in a hurry and didn't get a chance to square away his gear before he went out and started walking, blah blah something excuses something. No. Square your gear away before you go so that you can rely on it if you need it. Otherwise it might not work and then you're dead. And that sucks.




* No disrespect to Mr. Haley. He is a dangerous dude and I look forward to taking his classes some day. I will likely opt for looser pants and a belt mounted holster. You care. 

Archery!

The internet delivers.

Girl makes it look easy. It's a hell of a long way from easy.
I have a hard time doing that with a gun.

I like how she's surprised when she reaches for an arrow and she's run out. 

The King of Pickpockets

Apollo Robbins was featured in a profile in the New Yorker.

Now there's video of him doing his thing on the Today Show. I think this type of thing is amazing. Even people that do similar types of stuff for a living think he is awesome. He's an artist. He could bump and fumble his way down a New York street and end up with more wallets than he could reasonably carry in less than a block.

GRUMPY CAT (not a euphemism)

Grumpy Cat is a Thing on the Internet.

I laughed.

Back to back Guardian: View from The Shart, I mean Shard

Samuel Johnson said 'when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.' I'm inclined to agree, and this new interactive from the Guardian is superb. It covers only a small part of what makes London great, but if you've ever been there then this is probably much of what you visited.

Also, grammar redux! The Grammar Quiz post was very popular with the readers.

Who doesn't love grammar? Well, most people have little use for it unless they're trying to communicate something effectively. English grammar is really, really difficult to master. My friend the Engrish professor teaches English to second-language learners and they struggle mightily with things that native speakers take for granted. There are lots of exchanges like this:

Student: Why is it like that? It does not follow the other rules.
Prof: Because.
Student: :(
Prof: :/

SAD FACES.

Supersonic Ping Pong Ball

This from a friend of the blog. It's kind of long, but it was new to me so I watched the whole thing. It looks like a fun practical experiment.

Nailed it

The Guardian has a grammar and punctuation quiz. Of course I dropped everything and completed it immediately.

I went 14/14, although I wasn't 100% sure about the final answer so I was surprised (Gerund? What?). I thought I would miss one or two. But I'll take it.

It's not like I do this stuff for a living or anything.*

Not much else to report. At least nothing I want to put in this space. Thanks for reading.




* Not strictly true; I do this for a living.

(not really dead)

Thanks for asking.

I AM DEAD AND IN HELL

...

Niners all the way

It's the 49ers or nothing in my house.